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I tried to use my herpes to scare a guy off and it didn't work....

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For all of you out there who fear rejection, give people the benefit of the doubt; you may be surprised. This is someone I had a brief romance w on and off spaces out a yr at a time, but we bicker too much. He was professing his feelings for me today and I used herpes to try and get him to run and it didn't work. I threw out there how there's always going to be a risk, even w precautions taken and how will you feel if you get it and he said I took a chance.... I inquired about how he felt about not having spontaneous sex at times, does he really want to deal w that and he stated there's always other things you can do. Any attempt I made to determine him, did not push him away.


So hopefully this helps give some hope, that it's not always going to end w rejection.

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  • 2 months later...

I disclosed to get rid of a guy too. It didn't work. He wasn't scared at all. I think sometimes we have a weird relationship with herpes, kind of try to let it do our dirty work for us.


Either way the guy wasn't scared and became a great friend too.


Goes to show you, the outcomes from disclosures can be unpredictable in a good way.

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Disclosures get easier and the ones we use to scare people off show us that hwrpes is just a skin condition and are really separate from us. People can see is beyond the virus. I had my last fwb say when I look at you I don't see herpes, I see you!!! It was so nice to feel that. I haven't learned to see me without it yet.


For me it's hard because it triggered an autoimmune disease so the lessons are harder for me to absorb because I reacted so badly. But to everyone out there who carries it with no symptoms or few symptoms be grateful.


I disclosed again, my 3rd one in 2 years and it went well. I had a disastrous first disclosure with a really shallow man...I didn't even want sex. I was just telling him. Some people can't even handle the minimum. My next two disclosures were to wonderful open men who can see who I separate from this virus and are really helping me embrace my sexuality again.


I hope people never give up. There are wonderful men and women out there who can appreciate your internal and external beauty.



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Well I've just had my 6th back to back OB. It keeps going between my right and left side crease in my groin. Just a big red path of skin that's itchy a tad and sensitive. It is so hot and humid right now the last couple of months and I like to sit on my patio a lot, despite the sweat fest it causes me and wonder if that's in play here. Just don't know at this point. I am choosing not to date, because I still have a lot of me work to do, but it's great to hear your most recent disclosure has gone well. Next week I plan on going for blood work tobtest my adrenals and then see the doc in two weeks to discuss and see if I do have Cushing's. I've not had back to back like this until I hit a yr w it.. Not sure what's changed now.

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It's likely the heat


I can't get overheated at all. Try sitting out in the late afternoon or early evening. I get h and lupus flares. My ana came back negative but I don't know if he ordered the right test. I know I definitely have sthng. I really think it's lupus or ms maybe.


Anyway yes my disclosure went well. It was kind of a reverse disclosure. He knew I had h already but didn't know I had feelings for him. I felt just as scared and vulnerable disclosing my feelings as I do with herpes. And personally now that I have lupus I would pick just hwrpes Anyday.


I am still working on me and going to therapy. My hwrpes symptoms are decreasing although I did have an ob a month ago. But mine are usually tiny bumps on thighs or shin and they barely pop through the skin....I doubt I am that contagious. Just feels like I am.


I am still really vulnerable but I do want to share my heart.

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Yeah I dunno, because I had this last summer too and worked out and had no issues w back to back obs. I don't have all the constant paresthesia daily like I used too, but my OB on my left groin is going away and today my right groin is aching and increasing in intensity, so I think I'm about to have my 7th back to back OB. The aching in my groin is new though, so fed up.


Opening our hearts and being vulnerable is never easy, but nothing good comes easy

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  • 4 weeks later...
  • 3 months later...

Ok... I have had nothing but rejection!! I want a husband, not a boyfriend. I have made some unhealthy choices re. Men in my life but my standards have been catapulted so far into the universe of what I am worthy of that.... My last rejection I was worthy of him. Finding a man whom is age appropriate, same religious beliefs as l, who's fit and active. That reallllly narrows the field of opportunities. I'm 54.

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I wanna find someone who's down to risk being with me long term :(

I met a guy and i told him and he made it seem like it was fine and we would work it out. He lied and juat wanted sex. Goes to show that men don't care about risks as long as they get sex...it was quite a shocker!!!

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@thumper I understand having a limited pool as well, because I am 34, no kids and don't want anyone w kids and that's near impossible to find at this age. To help keep things into perspective for you and @winter , I was rejected by a guy over my hypothyroidism. I hadn't even told him about my other autoimmune diseases, let alone H. So you two feel being rejected over hypothyroidism is any different than being rejected for herpes?

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Well....i wouldn't even know where to start? That sounds like that dude was just looking for an excuse to be out the door. Immaturity at it's fullest. I honestly wish i would be flat out rejected for once....but the guys i have told say they are fine then they just wanna sex it up and dissappear. Why would anyone in their right mind risk it like that? I'm not on suppressive therapy either.....

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