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Rain down South: My Story Part One


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I was diagnosed with genital HSV1, June 5th of this year, but the story starts about two years prior. I lost my virginity to a long-time “friend” at eighteen, I can’t even call him a friend-he was just THAT guy who you’ve known and have been infatuated with for so long that you just end up…giving it to him. Well, that lasted about a week before I recognized this was either going to go somewhere or it wasn’t; it did not. Ever since that rejection, I never felt the same…two weeks later I jumped into bed with one of my coworkers who was eight years my senior, just to dull the ache in my head. It made me feel alive to drive out to his place in the middle of the night, to participate in something that was always so separate from myself. That lasted for a year and a half, even after I dropped out of college. I was just jumping from bad situations to better and then back down to the worst, this has been my cycle for the past two years. Though, it’s not all doom and gloom-I have a positive cyclical life, and I know how to rebuild.

The relevant point of this story occurs last month, when I started my new job. Coworkers have seemed to become an “issue” for me, so when I took the position I vowed not to even go out “one on one” with a male coworker. Well, one of the many broke me down-he was..interesting, attractive but not overwhelmingly so and at the very least he was persistent about being my friend. After texting back and forth and seeing each other at work 4 days out of the week…I don’t know how it happened, but he got to me. He had already admitted that he had a thing for me and that stroked my ego enough to return the favor. I even consulted with our friends (we had similar taste in people) and they reassured me that he was a good guy and they’d never seen him interested in someone (at work) this way. I decided to give him a chance.

I slept with him twice. Not as soon as we hung out, but soon after the first time. It’s like having a secret you don’t have to carry around with you, it follows you around like a pair of eyes while you go on doing your job. Then, I get sick. Two days after I had sex with him I experienced awful UTI symptoms, swollen glands-it felt like I had a huge abnormal growth, fever, and to top it off-I could barely eat. I called out of work for two days and had a bizarre fear that this could be more than mono or some other virus…I knew he had gotten me sick somehow. So I go to the doctor and I set a separate gynecologist appointment-ironically I had just been there with regard to depression. I tested negatively for any real sickness and positive for a UTI. I was partially relieved but there was still no explanation for what was wrong. After the UTI symptoms didn’t go away, I noticed three pimple looking features on my outer labia…I knew I had a STD now, I was anxious to find out which one and how we could cure it.

Meanwhile, I’m still keeping in touch with this guy and we’re seeing each other. I did bring it up to him for the second time because I already asked him about being tested before we slept together. This time he elaborated and said he hadn’t been with someone since July-that he did a full blood panel and a culture swab-negative, he said I was worrying for nothing. Well, I had to disagree when the gynecologist warned me that I didn’t look like a “normal case of herpes” but we would soon find out. I started crying with my feet still in the stirrups, I condemned myself that I had it the moment she said the word. I was convinced I was going to come into the office, they’d tell my I had Chlamydia or another STI, set me up with a week of medication or a shot and I could be careful next time. Now I asked him if he had ever been tested for herpes. I was baffled by how much I didn’t know-I didn’t know you had to ask to be tested for it, I thought it was included and I had suspicion of how someone could “not know” they had it. He told me that he was…but I knew he didn’t get tested for it..he thought he did, but he didn’t because if I didn’t ask to be tested for herpes..so theres no way he did, I am smarter than he is. There was no coincidence that I got so violently sick after sleeping with him, but I waited for my results.

 

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