my story?

[Blessings55]

I don't know when or from whom I got this virus..I know that I have had it about 10 years without going in and getting a for sure diagnosis...my first Dr. said sounds like shingles and I just went with that because I was scared it might be something I would have to face and share..I had just got married...was not young..was 47..kids all grown..raising a grandson with this wonderful Christian man..I wasn't who I had been..didn't want to believe I could have this "sexual" disease. Plus mine is in such a weird place, on my right butt and nothing and no where else, except this time it isn't going away, just keeps reinfecting the area, then drying up and starting all over again, and my lymph is huge ..hard to ignore that.

 

well Just got back from my Dr appt... did the test..she thinks it is for sure herpes..now have to deal and am having a hard time..really hard..I read your discussions before I went in and your positive feelings helped me make that appointment and finally face the truth I had already really known. What a coward I have been and I wish I had handled this years ago because now I have to tell my husband and deal with all that this entails..and being menopausal doesn't help and now I have been weeping since I got home.

 

Thanks for being here...

[Cedar1122]

Blessings, *heart*

 

My heart goes out to you.

 

I remember what it was like processing it all after finding out. It can certainly feel like it's a lot to take in. I thought that life as I knew it was over, and I've come to realize just how wrong I was.

 

I actually gave it to someone before I knew I had it. I truly thought that I could never forgive myself. I have come to realize that I am so much more capable of love than I ever gave myself credit for. Do I wish I could take it back?- sure. But I have found compassion and forgiveness for myself in the fact that I can't take it back. I know that I didn't intend on harming anyone. I wish him all the happiness in the world, and I wish the same for myself, and for you.

 

When you say that you think of yourself as a coward, I feel protective over you.

The thought of herpes can be very scary to people, and I think it's normal for people to want to ignore symptoms like the one you had, in fear of knowing the truth. Herpes has a huge stigma, and it's scary to think of yourself as being a part of it.

 

I want to ask you to give yourself a break. You are a normal human being. You're handling this situation the same as most people would. I can vouch for that. I also weeped a lot after finding out the news. I was scared to share the news. I felt scared and lonely. I really want to ask you to open up your heart to yourself though.

In the words of Ghandi, "You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection."

 

When you share this news with your husband- the perfect way to tell him is in telling him the truth. You didn't know you had it. You were told that it might have been shingles. You wish you knew before so you could have told him, but you know now, so you are telling him now. Please realize that by sharing this information with some who Loves you- you are being accountable and living with integrity by being honest. You have nothing to be ashamed about.

 

 

"Love is the cure,

for your pain will keep giving birth to more pain

until your eyes constantly exhale love

as effortlessly as your body yields its scent.”

~Rumi

 

I just took a moment to say a prayer for you.

 

Lots of love,

-Katie *heart*

[LifeBeginsNow]

I recently bought a Rumi book. My yoga teacher always uses his quotes and it's always very enlightening :)

[scorpion1974]

Blessings55

 

I know how you feel. I found out two yrs ago that I had it and am still learning how to deal with it. I wish you all the best and if you need someone to talk to I will be more than happy to listen. I still cry about it sometimes because I don't really have any close friends that can or will help me talk about it. The guy I am dating knows about it but when I bring it up he changes the subject. So if I can help you in any way please feel free to contact me.

 

Lots of Love,

Scorpion74

[Blessings55]

Thank you both so much for your positive comments, it is like I suddenly have friends I can talk to about this disease... because you are right..who really do you talk to...I know you understand, the fear, the sorrow.. it makes it soooo much easier knowing you are here for me to talk to.

I told my husband, and he has handled it to this point very well..said he thought that might be the case, that I would have herpes because he just didn't think it could be shingles..I guess he was afraid to say something too...he seems more worried about me since I (in his words) don't seem to be handling this very well.

I should be handling it better, i guess, for goodness sakes i am 57 years old, I have been through so many more difficult things in my life then this....I had natural child birth for goodness sakes, three times....what the hell...but this is so different...this is forever and it isn't a nice forever... and I hate having a pity party..I mean really..someone needs to tell me to buck up!!!

But until then.....thanks..you have no idea how important this site is to me right now!!!! I was afraid no one would comment on my post...that even here I wouldn't have any one to talk to...Thank you for your feed back and your prayers..blessings to you!