Soooo many questions

[Autumna]

Hi I'm new but new to h.

I am new to dating and for about a year I have been in the closet about this.

So I have had my disclosure and all went well.... But he has questions that I don't have the answers to off the top of my head! So I'm turning to you fine folks for advise.

My story I have had h for about 20 years been married in a monogamous that whole time (we both had it) we didn't have to worry about it much.

Now single and dating don't give full details unless I think the person has potential to be someone special... So now I have met someone and had the talk and all was good till about a few days after we had sex! He freaked out and was scared and went to the clinic and was tested and all is good.

But.... He can't get over how he felt and is torn because he says he likes me enough to be with me and is scared that if he gets it and we don't work out then he is stuck with it!

I totally get it and gave him the lets go our separate ways and call it good before we get to involved...

Problem we are falling for each other and want to make it work... Here are my/our crazy question

 

What are the odds of him getting it, I take anti-viral, have had it for 20 years, don't get outbreaks, shedding few times a year, if that

I have acne can it be spread that way if your kissing

Can we have safe sex without condoms

Can you pass in everyday living. Drinking from cups, eating off forks? I kiss my son every time I see him shared food he does not have it

How often should he get tested

Can you shed without the typical symptoms

Can he get it on his fingers if he is touching me.. No outbreak at the time

If he took antiviral's daily will that reduce his risk

Should showering before and after help

How long does the virus live outside of the body

I have wet orgasms, can he get it if like the sheets are wet? Is it in my vaginal secretions?

If I'm not having an outbreak or shedding can we have oral we

This is so much but I really need the answers, I really like this guy and could see my self with him for a long time

Oh ya his mother has M.S. and lives in the house will I give it to her with everyday living? I don't think so but want to know from someone else..

I have read everything and even took him with me to my gyno dr awkward.. But that's how much we want to make this work.

Thanks for reading sorry if they are stupid questions but I have to know :-)

A

[Cedar1122]

Hey Autumna,

 

Congrats on your new relationship :) I love that you guys are getting the information necessary to make this work.

 

I don't know the answer to all of these questions, but I do have some information that will be helpful.

 

Here's a blog on the site about Herpes Transmission:

 

*Herpes is transmitted via skin-to-skin contact, but only when the virus is active (whether a visible herpes outbreak or viral shedding). You CAN’T get herpes from saliva or blood. You CAN get genital herpes from someone going down on you and they have cold sores (whether it’s visible or not) — cold sores (aka mouth herpes) magically turns to genital herpes in an instant (in fact, 50% of all new genital herpes cases are from oral sex). And just to be totally clear, herpes CANNOT be transmitted by sharing a towel or drinking after someone! In short, there must be an opening in the receiver’s body for the herpes virus to gain access, whether that be a mucous membrane or a small cut/abrasion in the skin (which is why bikini waxing has been all over the news as making you more prone to getting herpes).

 

So now that you understand those basics of how herpes actually gets from one body into another (and how it doesn’t), here are the chances of transmitting herpes to a partner:

 

Female to male transmission rates are 4%*

Male to female transmission rates are 8%*

When condoms are used, both of the rates above decrease by half (2% and 4%, respectively) and suppressive therapy has that fall by another half

*when no protection is used and sex is avoided during active outbreaks*

 

 

You asked if you can shed without the typical symptoms:

The answer- (from another blog article ;) )

 

*Herpes viral shedding means that the herpes virus — HSV1 or HSV2 — can be present on the surface of the skin even when no visible signs or symptoms of a herpes outbreak is present. Studies have shown that within the first few months of initial herpes exposure the rate of viral shedding is much higher than after the body has a chance to build up a tolerance to the herpes virus. Six months after the first herpes outbreak the viral shedding is said to occur around 5-10% of the time, depending on what study you read. Mayo Clinic experts have determined that around 70 percent of all cases of genital herpes were acquired when an infected partner showed no physical signs or symptoms, but when HSV was actively shedding.*

 

You also asked about oral sex when you're not showing symptoms.

*From what I've read- herpes is very unlikely to spread from the genitals to the lips. If your boyfriend went down on you, it's unlikely that their lips will get it. It's different if people have an open sore on their lip and go down on someone though. Mouth herpes is commonly transmitted to the genitals through oral sex.

 

I know this doesn't answer everything, but I hope it helps.

 

Much love and good luck with everything!!

-Katie

[Autumna]

Katie,

Thank you so much!! I gave him this web address and told him to do his own research also.

I want him to feel safe and don't want to spread it but want to have a normal sex life if there is one?

I pretty much had the answers I just wanted to see them all at once in one place.. Lol

Again thank you made my day :-)

Autumn

[Cedar1122]

Yay :) you're so welcome

[mr_hopp]

Also, check out this thread I just posted. These handouts will be super helpful to you:

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/686/post-diagnosis-handout-post-disclosure-handout/p1