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To Dancer and other Mom's with cold sores... some thoughts.... (am I crazy?...)


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My daughter tested positive for GHSV1, which led me to reading and learning all I can about this virus and it's opened my eyes to things I've never known, and has raised a few questions...

 

First off... I am 50. My mother had oral cold sores back in the day... I had oral sores as a kid... as a teenager.. and a few into my early 20's. Stress, sunburns, and be being sick would trigger one. One big one... same place every time. This is back before valtrex and lysine etc, so I just endured. My sister had cold sores too.. same situation.. she is 47 now and hardly has any anymore. My father never had one.

 

I haven't had a cold sore in probably 20 years.

 

Ok so I've learned that the virus "calms down" as the years go by.. and I guess that's whats happened to me (and my mother and sister)

 

So maybe my mother DID pass them onto me? I have no idea but that's what I now assume.

 

Fast forward to now and my beautiful daughter was one of the unlucky ones who got genital hsv 1 from oral sex from her boyfriend who has no symptoms (or they are very very minor) HIS mother had/has oral cold sores too.... hmmmm....

 

Okay... heres the weird part. Am I crazy?...

 

... When my kids were little, and if I had an outbreak, obviously I would "stay away" from kissing them etc but only because I didt want them to touch it because it HURT. I actually assumed the cold sores were genetic haha!... now.. after reading and reading and reading... (and learning that it's skin/skin contact NOT genetic) I'm wondering.. maybe.. wouldn't it have been "better" for me to "pass it on" (orally of course!) to my kids so they can have it in their system "EARLY"... so they can get it over with and be outgrowing it when they hit adulthood??

 

I mean... if Kat had HSV1 oral in her system... (as millions do!) wouldn't she have been "immune" to Zac's oral HSV1 and maybe wouldn't have got it "down there"?...

 

And what about me?... I've been "shedding" all my life and didn't know it!!!! What about the oral sex I had as a teen/young adult?!! Did I spread it!!??? yikes! I"ve been married 30 years and my husband has never had an outbreak so I guess its true about risks being low...

 

Kat was just unlucky I guess...

 

Word got out about Kat's herpes at her highschool.. (yes, Kat is a teenager..) everyone knows and it's been hell. Boys have dropped off the face of the earth.. mean girls are mean... nightmare. She says some of those same girls who are bullies walk around with cold sores on their mouths and no body gives a rats A**... but Kat is an outcast because she has them genitally. Life is just seriously unfair sometimes...

 

However... the months are ticking by and Kat is doing well. she has an amazing group of friends, but the relationship loneliness is tough.. but she is looking forward to the future when she will find that first guy who will accept her for "her"... She stays healthy.. mentally and physically.. and has not had an outbreak since her first. She's a survivor... I'm so proud of her...

 

Anyway... veteran moms? any thoughts?.,.,..

 

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@KatsMomUtah

 

Well, yeah - I wouldn't expose a kid just to give them "immunity" because it IS still possible to get H1 genitally and it doesn't protect them from H2 genitally either... and actually she will be LESS likely to pass it on from her genitals than if she had it on her mouth as it sheds a lot less in the genital region ...

 

And yes, you *may* have passed it on with oral sex and right now, there's not a lot you could do about it ... and your hubby may be an asymptomatic carrier, either orally or genitally... and after all this time, there's no use in worrying about passing it to him Odds are he has the antibodies (he may well have got it orally as a kid and never known it as 80% never have symptoms)

 

I'm sorry she's having such a rough time at school ... kids in High School can be so cruel. She has 2 choices as I see it ... cower and take the bullying, or take a stand, become a spokesperson for STD education, and see if she can do something through the school to educate kids about the realities of STD's including the fact that 60% of them likely have oral H (that;s the number of young people who have H by the time they are young adults) and that they need to get educated and tested. We have handouts she could use and tons of links for TED talks and the like that are relevant. If she would want to do that, I would happily mentor her ... and I'm sure Ella Dawson (who did just this exact thing at Wesleyan) would also help advise her... see her story below and read her blog.

 

I've found that if you are confident in your knowledge, you can stop the bullies ... if you are ashamed, they win. So if she chooses to "fight back" through advocacy, I'll do what I can to help her ;)

 

(((HUGS)))

 

http://www.womenshealthmag.com/sex-and-relationships/dating-with-herpes Ella

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