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probably needing to disclose soon. freaking out


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so, my story isn't unique. I've always been careful and have slept with only 2 people yet I found out I have ghsv type 1. I haven't had any symptoms since the ob, which wasnt bad but I was very ill. it was a truly devastating and dark time for me but i've accepted it is what it is now. I've found myself in a situation where I'm going to need to disclose for the first time since I've found out i have this very soon to someone I've been seeing. that part alone is giving me anxiety I've been all over these boards reading stories and just trying to figure out what to do. what almost makes me more nervous is that this person and I have a lot of mutual friends, so it worries me that there is a possibility that word might get around about this. that would be incredibly crappy but I have to consider that. has anyone been in this situation or have any advice about disclosing the type 1 part? thanks, just needing encouragement :)

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Well first I'd start off w downloading the disclosure pamphlets to give to him, along w the statistics. The risk of transmission has only been done for HSV 2 but because HSV 1 on the genitals sheds less than HSV 2, you could almost cut those numbers in half for each caveat.

 

How long have you guys been dating and so you feel you can trust him? That's what you want an answer to and none of us know him, but you do, so you'll have to rely on your womans intuition to decide if he's worthy of sharing this information w.

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hey, thanks for replying. I would say I've known him roughly 8 months because of our friend circle. I know he's been interested for most of that time and while I would think he would know better than to say something in the case of rejection, it's hard for me to know that exactly. trust is a pretty heavy thing, it's hard for me to define because people are unpredictable and I've been wrong before. it's just added pressure on top of having to disclose for the very first time :/

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Well I won't deny that it isn't hard to tell, but I will say, there tends to be more understanding in regards to how one gets HSV 1 genitally w a tad less stigma, than one w HSV 2. W that said, it's still hard to disclose and scary. May I ask your age and his? Only you can be the one to say if he's a trustworthy guy, none of us can reassure you of that; however, we're here to support youyou.

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I've added the links for the handouts and the video below ...

 

I really suggest that you read all the Success Stories that you can .. many people have come up with great ways to segue into the disclosure there 🙂

 

Several key points for any disclosure:

 

Let them know you have something personal to share, and that you are doing so because you have got to a point where you feel you can entrust them with this information.

 

Also let them know that you want to start with honesty and openness, and that you need to share this with them because you care for them and this is something that has the potential to affect them, and that you need to discuss it now because you feel the relationship is moving towards sexual intimacy and you want to put this on the table before that happens.

 

Be confident in yourself and your knowledge of the facts... or at least have the handouts with you so you can refer to them and give them to your partner to take home and use for reference.

 

For GHSV1 ask them if they have ever had a cold sore ... if they have, you can say something like: Well, I dated a guy who did/didn't know he had it (or that he could pass it on) and unfortunately he gave it to me genitally through oral sex ... and while the odds are you wouldn't get it because you already have it orally so you have the antibodies to it already, there is a very small possibility of you getting it.

 

If they say no, tell them your story but add that they should get tested for herpes because the odds are that they DO have it asymptomatically because 80% of the population has it but 80% don't know it because they unwittingly have never been tested.

 

Make sure to direct them to places like this site, my blog, the CDC's site, Westover Heights and other trusted, RELIABLE sources ... direct them AWAY from Google images and the Yahoo groups where all the Debbie Downers hang out.

 

Give them permission after to take as much time to research and consider their response.

 

Whatever happens, don't take anything they say or do personally if it's negative. Odds are, it's their ignorance (because we all know that the education about H is pretty pathetic) or their fear of something marring them in some way (very possible if they are OCD/hypochondriac/anxious).

 

You can also point out that the risk of getting H from someone who KNOWS they have Herpes is far less than most of the population because 80% of people with H don't know they have it ...and that the vast majority of cases are from asymptomatic carriers or people who have been led to believe that they can't pass it on without an OB and thus don't need to tell a partner as long as they don't engage in sex during an OB.

 

Make sure that you don't wait till the clothes are off to tell someone either (and it happens all too often!) because that is how poor decisions are made then the person has regrets AND is scared silly ... rather than making a well thought out choice to be with you.

 

Approach it with confidence and a trust that it will work out as it is meant to..... because that really is all you can do anyway

 

(((HUGS)))

 

 

Handouts + disclosure e-book:

https://www.herpesopportunity.com/lp/ebook

 

Herpes facts video

 

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