When to disclose......

[Lifechange]

I am new to this whole disclosing thing. The man who blessed me about 2.5 years ago I thought I would be with forever, and so didn't think I would have another 'herpes upheaval' to deal with. I think I have tried every possible timing on this disclosing thing. I have disclosed at the 'third date' . I have disclosed in the first telephone conversation as the subject came up, and I have also introduced myself to online prospects as someone with herpes. Now, the third date disclosure went over the best- but frankly, I think it was the hormones. So, if I go by that as an example- does one wait to disclose and risk being accused of wasting ones time and not being honest up front, or does one be honest at the get go? Does one use a 'regular' dating site, or sign up on an herpes site. Or both?

[lelani]

Hi Lifechange :-)...honey spread your wings and date across the board! For me I have liked to get it out of the way pretty quick, I just don't like having the elephant in the room. It think every situation is different and its easier to go by the 'I have to disclose now' meter...when I really feel like I really have to I just do it (sounds so easy but no it's not and I struggle with it to different degrees each time).

As for waiting wasting someones time...if they are really into you then no time is ever wasted and they will appreciate why you needed to wait. If you aren't having sex with them there is no dishonesty with keeping H to yourself until you are ready to share that you have it.

Glad you posted and welcome :-) !

[mr_hopp]

Hey Lifechange!

 

Here are a few blog posts that speak to exactly what you're asking about. The barometer for when to have the herpes talk is the level of trust you feel for this person plus the level of attraction. That's the sweet spot. You're entrusting them with a vulnerable piece of information. And giving them a chance to actually get to know you before getting to know herpes is always a good way to go about it. ;)

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-talk/

http://herpeslife.com/do-i-have-to-join-those-herpes-dating-sites/

[Lifechange]

Thanks lelani & Adrial. As usual, common sense and honesty win out. A good reminder to those of us who are finding our way in our new life.