Jump to content
  • Want to be a part of a supportive community? Join the H Opp community for free.

    Welcome to the Herpes Opportunity Support Forum! We are a supportive and positive group to help you discover and live your Opportunity. Together, we can shed the shame and embrace vulnerability and true connection. Because who you are is more important than what you have. Get your free e-book and handouts here: https://www.herpesopportunity.com/lp/ebook

Need more advice please!


Recommended Posts

Hello all! Long story short... Trying to decide if I should disclose or walk away from this one. So... I recently reconnected with an old friend via IM and we clicked immediately. We're both recently out of unhealthy relationships (I know... Potential red flag ) but we went through a lot of similar experiences and can really relate to each other in ways that others just don't understand. Seems like our conversations always go deep even when we're not trying. Anyhow, texts got pretty steamy but I didn't think too much of it as he lives about 2 1/2 hours away so didn't think anything would come of it. We had a few phone conversations that revealed that we both feel an attraction and connection to each other that was unexpectedly strong. We toyed around with the idea of persuing the relationship further but there were several issues...mainly logistics of living so far apart and both needing time to heal from previous relationships. I kind of left things there but our communication intensified again... Discussing more personal feelings as well as everyday stuff. Still very flirty. He hinted at coming to visit last weekend with sex strongly implied. I kind of laughed it off like he was kidding. Then this week I took the kids for 2 nights to the beach about an hour from where he lives. He came out to meet us and joined us for dinner. Very affectionate with me the whole time. Only a kiss goodnight since kids were ever-present...lol. He left fairly early I don't think he wanted to intrude on family time and messaged again when he got home to see how our night went. I am incredibly attracted to this person physically, emotionally and intellectually. I don't want him to feel rejected by my putting off his advances due to H, but I don't want to disclose when there are other barriers to a relationship. There's no hiding that the chemistry is there on both sides. I'm not sure what to do. I feel like he's waiting for me to make the next move, no texts since yesterday. Maybe I should just invite him to town and just tell him. If he's good with it we can see what happens next and if not at least I was honest in the friendship. Then part of me thinks if he just wants a fling I should just say I'm not interested so I don't have to put myself out there again. I know neither of us is completely over past relationships, but the logic doesn't seem to be slowing down this connection. Any feedback is much appreciated!-Amethyst

Link to comment

Well I feel like reading your post you kind of answered your own questions no? Red flags, dysfunction, are you moving to fast because you both at codependent, you're not over your exes? This all sounds like a recipe for disaster and like you're not listening to your intuition, but rather your lust. Herpes is just forcing lust to put on the breaks and let your intuition come out, which is resulting in the questioning. I think deep down you know the answer and ONLY you can answer that for yourself. Sorry I wasn't much help.

Link to comment

Well, one thing H does for many of us is to help to force us to slow down new relationships ... so I suggest that you consider that. As you say, you both need to heal. And you don't sound like you are wanting a fling. So I would have an open and honest conversation about what you both want ... and if he's just wanting a fling, you let him know that's not what you want and that you should probably just stay friends from afar. Now that may be enough to just slow things down a bit... and if you continue, make it real clear that YOU are not ready for a sexual relationship right now (even if your body is!) and that if you start to see each other that you want to go reeeal slow. Then give it time to see if you really do want to take it further. That sexual tension that you get with IMing and phone conversations can disappear real quick if the person starts to act like a jerk in real life :p

 

(((HUGS)))

 

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
×
×
  • Create New...