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My herpes story....

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I honestly don't know who gave me herpes. I was molested by my father as a child. I have no idea if I was tested for herpes when I was finally taken away. I was not interested in sex until my senior year of high school. I had sex with two guys that year. After high school, I met the person that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. After being married for about four years, I did experience pain in my genital area. The swelling lasted for a couple of days and then went away. I have no idea if it was herpes. I was 100% faithful in my marriage. I ended up moving to Utah with my husband and he traveled a lot. It caused me major emotional stress. At the end of 2005 I left my husband and went crazy sexually. After my ex-husband, I slept with eight more guys (over a four year period). The last guy I slept with used drugs and was not faithful in our relationship. I decided that it was best if I was tested for all STD's. The testing took place in 2009. The doctor's office called me and told me that I had tested positive for HSV-2. It completely shocked me. I would literally laugh at the herpes commercials on tv where the girl was all happy on the bike. When I saw the commercial on tv, I thought if that was me, I wouldn't be on a bike laughing, I would want my life to be over. Needless to say, that is how I felt. I stayed in that awful relationship for five years because I feel/felt like no one else would want me. After Educating myself on herpes, I learned that it's not as bad as you think. It's really a skin virus. The good thing is, I rarely have an outbreak. If I hadn't tested positive for herpes at the doctors office, I honestly wouldn't know that I had herpes. It looks and feels like an ingrown hair (to me). After testing positive for herpes, I did find out from my boyfriend's son (now ex-boyfriend) that his mom had HSV-1. After doing research, I discovered that HSV-1 can be transmitted to the genitals and becomes HSV-2. If I were to guess, I would assume that my ex-boyfriend was exposed to herpes when his ex-wife had an outbreak on her lip. The sad thing is, I cannot honestly say for sure. I wish that I could have made better decisions with my sex life.I know that herpes isn't bad but a lot of uneducated people on this subject wouldn't agree.

The blessing is that it stopped my sexual activity completely. To many, that wouldn't be a blessing, to stop having sex. I was making very poor decisions when it came to my sex life. There were times when I had a problem saying no. It is now my decision not to let others have to live with this. I am no longer sexually active. Now, I am 34, single, and at times, I feel stuck. The right decision was to get out of the bad relationship and to take care of myself. The thing is, I struggle with herpes on a daily basis. I feel like I live in the days of the scarlet letter, instead of an A, I carry around an H.

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Hazeleye...I am new to my diagnosis and I am still working on dealing with it, I don't know where I got H but my earlier life was pretty loose and i imagine I got because of all those wrong decisions I made before i married my husband of 10 years. The hardest part was telling my husband..he is a wonderful Christian man and is helping to raise my grandson as if it is his own child. I felt so awful having to share this news with him, and he took it very well. What I am telling you is that your life is not over, you are a young healthy (Herpes is a skin virus and is not fatal) woman and you have years ahead of you to find someone else and be happy. ..or just be happy on your own..do your research..there are alot of us out there...this is a great site to use for encouragement and answers and just someone to talk to..we are all here to support you during your journey....take care

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Thanks! I am glad that you have someone that stands by your side :) Having this virus is not the end but at times it does feel like it. I don't have any children and it is really hard to let people in and have to deal with telling them what I am going through. I always see the person taking the nearest exit out. At this point, I am trying to focus on my dreams and what I want. If Love happens, great. If it doesn't, that's ok too. I have been loved before. Thanks for responding :)

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