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Boyfriend resentment?


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Hello again,

I just wanted feedback for the circumstance of your partner feeling that you "messed up" and deserve this to some extent for not realizing the person who has given this was bad news in the first place. I am a very open and positive person who looks for the best in people. That might be naieve but I don't think H is diserved from trusting the wrong person and maybe missing some red flags?

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I dont think anyone deserves to get h! I know how it feels to resent a person who gave it to you, especially if they knew and didnt tell you. But how I look at it is we cant change it (for now, hopefully one day they find a cure) so we just have to accept it and change the way we feel about h. I know it sucks and we all wish we could go back and prevent ourselves from getting it! But anyways, you definetly didnt deserve it, and seeing the best in people is a very good quality in a person in my opinion! Even after they do you wrong. Im sorry that happened to you.

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Noooo... You cant go through life thinking you deserved herpes! And no one is "at fault" for picking the wrong people to love/trust! If thats the case, EVERYONE would be punished in some way, ya know? Because at some point in our lives, we ALL pick the "wrong" partners, its how we learn and grow! Yucky stuff just sometimes happens along the way, thats all.

 

My teenage daughter got herpes from the wrong guy too. Never once did i think "well....thats what you get!!"

 

Chin up... You did nothing wrong. Herpes isnt bad karma. *hugs*

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Kind of like the saying shit happens, well so does herpes. I've seen it happen to a 19yr old virgins who was waiting for marriage to have sex, but let her bf perform oral sex on her and she got it. Do you think she deserves it? I've seen women married for 30 plus yrs who got it from oral sex w their husband after all those years of marriage. They've been married 30 plus yrs, clearly they didn't pick the wrong partner.

 

It's pretty low for your partner to throw this up in your face and IMHO, is a sign he is possibly an emotional abuser and may see more of it the longer you both are together. He has no business throwing that in your face and you need to stand up for yourself and state how inappropriate, unacceptable and cruel it is for him to do such a thing and if he feels it's too much of a burden for him, then he can walk, because you can do bad all by yourself, you don't need anyone else helping in that area.

 

I was two yrs celibate and caught this one time after sex. Do you think I deserved it? Listne to people when they speak, they will tell you who they are.

 

How do you know you got it from your ex and not from your current partner?

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@Livefiercely21

 

Ok friend... here's what I see. Your Herpes Wingman is showing you something about your current BF ... if he's throwing that kind of SHIT at you, thats verbal abuse. That's hitting below the belt. And it's telling you something about HIM, not you!!!

 

I dunno about the guy that gave you Herpes, but the red flags I'm seeing are flying around your BF for me right now :(

 

(((HUGS)))

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I appreciate everyone from the bottom of my heart for taking the time to weigh in on my comment :) the support is so nice to have! None of my family members know yet and it's great hearing perspectives from mothers as well :) the hugs are so sweet and I send them back too :) the guilt I already feel is stressing me so much I get panic attacks from time to time. I can't blame him for feeling betrayed or upset with me even if there was no intent or knowledge of having this but I am keeping the fact that he is supportive but has no sympathy cause I "messed up" and got bit on the butt for it in mind because even my worst enemy doesn't deserve this. Let alone a loved one and partner.

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Cause my last partner cheated on me and was on tinder. I caught him using it and he admitted he did and it's cause he was "insecure". I noticed I didn't quite feel the same in the middle of that relationship but assumed it was just sensitivity or something. And my current bf got chlamydia from me from my last relationship cause I had no signs and my doctor assumed from looking at me that I was in the clear.

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The only reason I suspect it may be your current partner, is because if how long it took for you to display symptoms. Not saying it's not possible, but I've seen this happen way too much. Your current partner very well could have newly been infected and didn't have antibodies yet when tested and is asymptomatic. Also, I'd want to see his test results if I were you.

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For sure I understand where you're coming from and I appreciate the advice :) it is a good point because he was tested just when we were first together but it might not have made an appearance on a test yet. I know I probably haven't made the best impression of him but he's actually a good guy. I knew him since high school as a friend. I know it's not right for him to think that way and we're not on speaking terms yet but I'm 99.9% sure it was my ex.

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Soo - remind me - do you have HSV1 or 2?

 

he was tested just when we were first together but it might not have made an appearance on a test yet.

 

Do you know for sure if he was tested for H? Did you see the test? Because there's a chance he "thinks' he's been tested and that he hasn't.. or that he was tested for HSV2 but has HSV1 orally and passed it to you with oral sex...

 

 

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