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Mental rollercoaster.... :<


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I feel like having H is beginning to drive me loopy.. :/

No therapy til after Labor day, lol.. sigh..

 

My current partner and I were intimate last week with and without condom use.

We got a bit freaky & had anal (tmi, so sorry!) without a rubber. I had mentioned using one before we started but we didnt. Stupid me should've insisted being he has tested H negative so far. We have been together going on 6mths now. Fast forward to last night... we're talking and he had asked if I ever had anal w the last person I had been with 3yrs prior to him, I said yes tried it one time. His body language & the mood changed completely & now he is pretty upset that I never told him prior. I take the blame for that as it is something I should not have let slip my mind no matter how stressed out I am( only living parent of three teens).It's caused yet another blow to things between us.. he has tried his best so far to understand and has stayed even after learning my diagnosis. But today he says he feels I blindsided him twice now.. first with the diagnosis in general and now this, eventhough he knows I had NO CLUE I was H 1 & supposedly 2 positive until a month ago. He said he felt I was blaming him after learning my diagnosis & that I was 'too calm' when I told him that day.. to which I replied.. you have NO IDEA how hard it was to keep my emotions in check that day. I was in denial, confused, depressed, scared etc.He starts bringing up his health being important to him & how he really doesnt want to get it.he even asked me to get tested for everything again so he can see my results. I am negative for everything else but being I eff'd up now he doesnt trust my word. Not a big deal if it gives him peace of mind though.I get that hes scared and all but It makes me feel like crap. I showed him my medications last night & discussed the risk %-age & even reminded him of how many months we went w/o condoms before I found out I was H+. I apologized my butt off this morning again for not being more responsible. This H has made me have 2 emotional meltdowns in the last 3 weeks. My most recent one, a week ago, was pretty bad.

 

I feel that all my effort to protect him is not enough. I am on antivirals and taking supplements, whatever I can do to protect him. I have been having a constant battle with my conscience on whether or not to end the relationship for his sake. I love him, love being around him, we have a great friendship as well. I did tell him I'd understand if he wanted to end things but he hasn't. I am stuck at a crossroad on doing whats probably right for HIM, despite my feelings for him.

 

 

Anyone have a similar issue & canmaybe give some advice? :/

 

 

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Why? It doesn't make you anymore contagious. Just because you contracted herpes vaginally, doesn't mean it doesn't shed or breakout there. You can shed and breakout Anywhere in your anogenital region. I've never had anal sex, but during my primary I broke out down there and I also had strange sensattionsin my colon.. Like I could feel it moving up and down my colon. It was really weird. I even had electrical shock like pain up in my rectum. Then w in the first year after my primary, I didn't breakout anywhere but my vagina for like 6 months, then all of a sudden for months I only developed fissures on my rectum and red bumps here and there on my cheeks. Herpes will do whatever the fuck it wants to do. For him to get mad at you is ignorant. Had you never had anal sex, there was still a risk of him catching it, so he is very much mistaken.

 

How did you find out you were H positive?

 

Also, how do you know he didn't give it to you, since you found out only after being w him?

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Its quite weird actually how it all went down...

Earlier in our relationship a commercial for herpes was on TV & we had a little discussion about celebrities that had it. For about a month after that it would come up in random convo. I even asked why he kept bringing it up but we nvr got to continue that convo that night. He would randomly ask if I had any STDs & at the time I thought I was totally fine since my tests were coming back negative... except I didnt know they werent testing for herpes. A couple of events occured in June (irritation after shower sex, almost breaking up etc) that led me to just go get tested and ask for hsv blood testing. In July my test said HSV 1 & 2 positive. I broke the news to him and he went and got tested 3 times since. The 3rd test I saw & it shows Hsv 1& 2 IgG/IgM all negative. So that leaves my ex from 3 yrs ago as the only logical explaination. I actually thanked current partner because if it wasnt for the random convo.. Id never have known and we'd still be unprotected.

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@Evean30 I agree with legit..... ignorance is the problem here. whether you had anal with your ex or not means absolutely nothing. having genital herpes means having herpes everywhere and anywhere in the genital/anal area. the virus lives in the nerve pathways and can OB any where in that region. He was no more safe fucking your asshole than he is getting a blowjob or kissing you. Since you are positive for both 1 and 2, you have herpes orally also most likely. the point is....... why does it matter? if he loves you and you are doing everything you can to protect him, then the risk is low. As you said, you could easily not have known and continued on the relationship. He seems pretty hung up on herpes for some reason....not sure why? his "health" is not at risk. herpes is a skin condition, not a terminal illness. It might help to get the facts about herpes and present them (learning yourself). Its hard to say who you got herpes from unless your ex is the only partner you have had, it could have been any of the partners you have been with. Never make assumptions when it comes to herpes. If this man can't learn to love and accept you and the risk then its best to let him go. He can go roll the dice with someone else who could very well unknowingly give herpes to him! Its time for you both to get educated and if this was meant to be it will bring you closer and create a much more meaningful relationship. There is something that doesn't sit right about his "issue" with herpes so an open conversation would be a good thing for you both. Don't let herpes be a bigger deal than it is....... and don't let him diminish you based on ignorance

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Yeah I thought it was odd as well... to me it seems to be the stigma around it. I know its pbly ignorance and definitely fear on his part as he did say he sometimes feels scared. His mind is all over the place these days trying to understand H. He mentions not wanting to pass it to his kids or future grandkids etc. He has family members & friends with it. I am going to suggest maybe he talk w them soon, like I did with my own family members that have it. I actually did tell him during a phone convo something along your same lines. He knows what I have.. whereas he doesnt know what the next chick could have & catch something worse. He agreed. His mood was better as we spoke while he drove home today. I know he does care but probably sucks a bit at showing it. He just needs to wrap his brain around it. Its a work in progress with hopefully a good outcome.

 

I reached out to my ex 2 days ago and now just waiting for a reply. Hope I get some answers.

 

I dont know if I actually have 2 tbh. I'm going to another doctor in the morning for re-testing. Two out of three blood tests at my usual clinic showed hsv 1 & 2 with same index value. The other bloodtest only picked up hsv 1. Someone asked on another forum if it was a combined result. I am just seeking my final result elsewhere for peace of mind.

 

The mental rollercoaster is with myself.. some days I'm okay, some days I'm not. For the most part I feel fine & do my usual routine.. but then I get all teary on a whim when it hits me. My mother told me.. hey.. if you survived all the DV in your past.. you can survive anything. She has a point and Im taking it in stride as best I can. I guess cause its still fresh.

 

Thank you all for the support & advice. I am so glad I found this forum. :)

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If they're giving you a combined test, which sounds like what they're doing, because the values are the same, then you're likely getting a false positive on HSV 2. If you are positive for HSV 1 and do a combined test, it will cross react w it and state your positive for HSV 2. You need to have a type specific IgG ELISA test done, not combined and not any IgM. I'm willing to bet you have a false positive for HSV 2 bow reading the rest of your posts.

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@fitgirl 's bluntness gave me a good chuckle too lol

 

@2Legit2Quit

I have never had an outbreak, especially down there.

We're hitting the 6 month mark.

My values were >5.00 for both and the one that detected hsv1 only had a >5.00 value. My partners values were <0.2 IgG for 1 & 2 and <0.90 IgM. The one they did on me that detected hsv1 only was done by Quest Diagnostics and to my understanding they do ELISA. Not sure about the other two results.

 

I went to Planned Parenthood today and had a long talk with the Doc there & showed her my results from my usual gyn clinic. Told her my gyn clinic doc said there was 'really no point' in re-testing again and to just take the anti-virals. The PP doc says the same as you about it probably being a combined result w/ a false positive. If I ever think Im having an outbreak below, to come in and she will check it/swab test. They dont like to do blood tests because of false positives. She thinks I more than likely have only H1.

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I don't see a a value just for IgG test for HSV 2, correct me if I'm wrong?

 

The Quest Diagnostic lab result had nothing on it regarding HSV2, if thats what you mean?

It said 'This assay utilizes recombinant type-specific antigens to differentiate HSV-1 from HSV-2 infections. Apositive result cannot distinguish between recent and past infection. If recent HSV infection is suspected but the results are negative or equivocal, the assay should be repeated in 4-6 weeks. The performance characteristics of the assay have not been established for pediatric populations, immunocompromised patiends, or neonatal screening.'

 

HSV-1 IGG: >5.00 H

 

HSV IGM AB SCR - Negative l Negative

 

There was nothing on it about HSV-2. The previous doc that re-tested me said she was putting in for bloodwork to check for it again since I wasnt convinced. When I asked the gyn doc I saw the day I got the Quest results.. she said the test shows it wasn't detected.

When I mentioned the first test saying I had both, she said thats odd & ordered the third one. I am not sure if they even know what type of tests are being used cause she basically had no real answer for me when I asked if she could find out. It just felt odd.. and the way she she was saying not to really bother re-testing again & just take the anti-virals didnt feel right. Its like oh well.. just go with this last result & assume you have bith, have a nice day.

 

 

Should I see about getting an IGG screen for HSV2?

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Shows you had a combined test, which means you got a false positive on your HSV 2. If you've never had symptoms down there, then I wouldn't worry. That's because his doctor knew the proper tests to put in. If you get tested again, state you only want a type 2 IgG ELISA test done. That will resolve the issue, but I highly doubt you have it.

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Quick chime in here... I'm out of town with limited time to be on the computer, but I would definitely get tested for H2... I know PP and the Dr's don't think it matters, but it DOES, because if you only have H1, odds are you have it orally and thus your BF's freakouts are totally unnecessary unless you give him a blowjob.... but given that 80% of the population has H1 orally, if he likes that then he's GOING to get exposed plenty of times to girls who have it and don't know it.

 

Tell the Dr that you want the H2 test to shut the BF up (sometimes we have to be our own advocate and just not take no from a Dr, so don't leave till you get the test) ... if it comes back under 3.5, it has a 40% chance of being a false positive. If that's the case, we can direct you to Westover Heights to get the Western Blot which is the Gold Standard and will give you a solid result....

 

As for the BF, he needs to get over his shit ... honestly, whether you had anal or not before him with someone was none of his business ... did he tell you if HE has ever done anal? Maybe he wanted to think he was the one to take your anal virginity .. but honestly, getting upset about that is a pink, if not red flag to me that he has insecurities that will come out from time to time ... so my suggestion is that you let him know that wasn't cool, rather than letting it fuck with you mind .. and that you won't tolerate such "ass-inine" behavior in the future about your sexual past. It's none of his business. And if you come out H2 negative, then he owes you a BIG apology.....

 

(((HUGS)))

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GUH! Hit Post by accident.. on cellphone.

 

He calmed down & a few hours later we were back to normal.

I told him that the PP doc said to stop over thinking it or we'll drive ourselves nuts.

It comes up now and then in convo but the last week has been pretty good.

 

We're actually going to give living together a trial run (kids nvr lived w any1 other than me & granny for majorty of their life so its a big change for them). Heres to positive thinking! :)

 

Will update once I get tested & results.

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  • 3 weeks later...

Update: Had the test for 2 done on 11th.. got result today. That doc said the test hes doing checks DNA. Still showing positive. The doc who ordered the test that only showed 1 was my doctor today. Showed her that test result & why I asked for type 2 testing & she said it seems they didnt do it for 2. Either way I think I might be done w the whole testing thing. The nurses at the clinic were joking w me saying Im becoming a resident there, lol. Sigh... the doctor said that as long as Im not having outbreaks, I shouldnt worry too much about it. It still has me like... bleh....

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What was the result of the test that you just had? And did you go to PP, OBGYN, or GP?

 

You said clinic so I assume it's not a group that deals specifically with genital issues like the GYN or PP would so I'm not sure you are getting great advice there, especially if they didn't test for HSV2 the first time around. If your "positive" HSV2 result is under 3.5 and you never had symptoms, you may well have a false positive as 40% of the tests under that value in people with no symptoms fall into that category.

 

I really would suggest that you get some SOUND medical advice on this. Perhaps a call to Westover Heights is a good idea at this point ... just so you can figure out what your status is... because there's no use worrying about "protecting" your BF from getting HSV2 from you for years if you don't have it :)

 

Westover Heights Clinic,http://westoverheights.com/ (503) 226-6678 ... they can order the test for you through Quest Labs. It costs $5/minute for a consult … cheap IMO for clarity and/or peace of mind.

 

 

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The result was the same as the others.. HSV2 IgG >5.00. The doctor at my local hospital gyn clinic put in for just type 2 blood testing. He said they test DNA for it? The result paper says it was done by Quest Diagnostics, so I'm assuming its an ELISA being their website says they use that one.

 

I actually did talk w the bf about Westover testing. I just cant do it until next month cause of finances. We did talk about him getting re-tested as well to see where he stands as far as contracting it. This time around he seems more calm & level headed (no freak out session).

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