I don't feel comfortable with the idea of exposing someone I care about to herpes.

[Paradise_Lost]

I was reading some posts about the disclosure discussion and imagining myself having that conversation. I came to the conclusion that I simply don't know if I could do that. I think I'm the type of person that would go their entire life remaining single rather than pass an incurable virus on to someone I cared about. That, coupled with the thought of embarrassment and rejection pretty much wipes out the possibility of me dating someone without herpes. Even if I could find someone who was willing to except me the way that I am, I just don't think I could live with the guilt of exposing them. Especially if things didn't work out in the end. I feel like I would be really self conscious during intimacy and the thought of giving that person herpes would always be lingering in my mind. I feel like that would put a huge strain on the relationship. I know that choosing to only date people with herpes significantly lowers my dating pool, but I just don't know if I could handle being with a non-infected person. It just seems like a lot of stress. Am I being a martyr or just plain silly?

[mr_hopp]

I honor that you're feeling that right now. And if that's your truth, then that's totally acceptable. You get to live your life your way, after all. And I just want to check in your martyrdom if you are considering the kind of person who wouldn't have herpes but would want to take a risk of getting it to be able to love you and be in relationship with you. In effect, when we close ourselves off to non-herpes population, we are pre-rejecting ourselves (taking the decision away) from those people. I'd be pretty perturbed if my soulmate pre-rejected herself like that and didn't even let me meet her and make the decision myself! ;) Everyone gets to make a decision on how they live their lives and what risks they're willing to take and not to take. Part of that is our decision and part of it is theirs. That's what relationship is all about. So just keep an eye on whose decision you're making and why. That's all I ask. And I'll support you either way. Just wanting to be sure you understand your options and motivations behind them. :)

[Paradise_Lost]

It's all still pretty new to me so maybe I'm still just a little freaked out about it. Maybe in time, I'll grow more accustomed to the idea, who knows. On the bright side I do think this will help me weed out all those "short-term" suitors and find the ones that are in it for the long run. Positive thinking is a beautiful thing :) My problem (or one of them ;) ) is I seem to fall in love at the drop of a hat! lol Or rather, I find something to love in just about everyone I meet. So now, when I think about it, it's kinda like I have a new tool for finding genuine relationship prospects. I have always been driven by my heart more than anything. But, I think I'm gonna give it a break for a little while and let my brain take over, just until I get myself in a good position to be open to new possibilities. I'll get my affairs in order, learn to be comfortable in my own skin, and keep an open mind. After that, I can only hope that love will find me. Because at that point I will be able to recognize it and embrace it fully. Oh, and happy update, I will be starting my new job on Monday :) I'm excited about all of it! New job, new apartment, new chapter in my life... and new opportunities! Thanks again for the kindness and support. It really is making a huge difference :D

[Paradise_Lost]

Now that I think about it, if the shoe was on the other foot, I'm pretty certain I would take the risk. If I didn't have herpes and I met an incredible man that I was head over heels for and he did have herpes, I would take the risk of exposure if it meant my shot at bliss. If I truly thought he could be the one, there's not a doubt in my mind I would take a chance on happily ever after. So maybe I am jumping the gun...