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Gearing up for the reveal

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I have been seeing this guy for about 2 weeks. We have been on 6 dates, each about 4-12 hours long. He is kind, supportive, and thinks I am amazing. I am starting to fall for him and am going to disclose to him tomorrow (Sat) night on our 7th date before I get too attached. I am so scared he isn't going to be brave enough to handle this. We had been talking on one of our dates and he mentioned that one of his deal breakers was STDs or sickness. When I was quiet in response, he qualified with well it does depend on the person.


So based on that statement, I am so scared he is going to reject me. I know that I shouldn't want someone who would reject someone based purely on H. I have read up on it here and on other websites. I know that the person I will be meant to be with will be able to see beyond H and love and support me, no matter what. However, this guy...for the first time, I have met someone who seemingly has the same values, goals, dreams as me. I just don't want him to change how he views me.


What advice does anyone have? I was going to tell him I had a story to tell him. I was then going to tell him when I was 32, I got in a relationship with a man who I thought I could trust. It turned out I couldn't and now I have Herpes. I was going to tell him that since then, I have been in 2 healthy sexual relationships and then stop. I don't want to overwhelm him right off the bat and give him time to process. He really wants kids so I have been doing research on that so I can answer his questions. What are some questions people have been asked when they have disclosed on any topic?


I have disclosed 2 times before and both times, the guys just hugged me and told me it was going to be okay. So I have been blessed in my prior disclosures. But there is something about this guy that I just click with and see potential of a lasting relationship, hence the scared and helpless feeling I am getting. I am just so scared.

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Hun, I personally feel that two weeks is not enough time to get to know someone and hardly enough time to fall for someone. Lust is being your driver in this and IMHO, I'd wait. Two weeks is not enough time to know someone. Only you can decide how long you should wait, but for me, do you tell people you've only known two weeks very personal things?


I have 6 gfs married and delivered all naturally to healthy babies.

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Hi 2Legit2Quit,


Thanks for the advice. However I have already told him. He took it well and I felt supported during the telling. I usually don't tell people I have met but I just couldn't in good conscience keep going without telling him. It just felt like I was hiding a huge part of who I am from him. I don't know if I did the right thing or not but at least I can know I let him know. How long would one usually wait..3 weeks, 1 or 2 months? I don't know how to go that long without disclosing. I feel as though it is always there, sitting in the back of my mind, a third person trying to get involved in my life. I have been feeling that way in deciding to disclose with my friends as well.

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If you feel ready to disclose then go for it. I don't think anyone else can dictate how long you should wait before you want to share your story. Just be honest and authentic and try to own your story-don't play the blame game if you can help it. You're not a victim nor are you confessing something. Hope for the best but prepare for the worst. Everyone seems to share the common opinion that you should never anticipate how someone will react. Good luck and keep us updated!

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I'm sorry, I think you need more bonding time before you disclose this kind of information...not in a sexual sense, but emotional

I still haven't had this talk with my husband, I just found out 2 weeks I have it, and it's most likely something I contracted over 25 years ago.

Good luck, hugs

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Like I said, everyone has to do what feels right for them and I totally get what you mean by it aways being in the back of your head. When I was dating and we'd watch a movie or something, I'd fear that in the previews or a movie a herpes joke was going to be made and wondered how he would react and if he noticed me not laughing. It does suck always having it in the back of your mind like a third wheel, so I can totally understand disclosing early for that reason. What did you say to him and what was his response?

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