HSV2 for 28 years, F

[2Legit2Quit]

Well to her, she may very well feel that way. He may be making her happy at home and telling you a different story. Men who cheat often do this. At the same time people often lie about things on fb. What brothers you about her feeling that say though? She's not the one lying to you.

[Bambina3]

I already know he's making her happy at home....

It's an awful web

[LifeGoesOn3]

The red Cross blood donation site even says you can donate w herpes. It's not a blood born virus, it lives in our nerves, not our blood.

 

Hmmmmm.....now this has me wondering if I got this from an earlier friend who was all gungho about how he cleared when giving blood. I never thought about that. Antibodies can be found in the blood but not the actual virus. Smh.

[Bambina3]

Yes...antibodies are in the blood, not the virus, weird huh?

I've donated many times thru the years and was never told I had hsv.

 

[2Legit2Quit]

That's because they don't test for HSV in blood donation, because they're not xoncefed about it, because it can't be transmitted in the blood.

 

W that said, I wonder if someone who gets blood w HSV antibodies, will have an immunity to the virus. Wonder if they've tested this.

[WCSDancer2010]

No, that she thinks they are happily married...

 

It's the whole lying cheating deceptive living two lives that bothers me when I see it....

 

Uh - not to judge, but don't you think this is the pot calling the kettle black here? You are doing the same thing as he is. Just sayin' :)

 

and 2legit is right - they don't test for HSV when giving blood. And no, it won't make you immune if you get blood with antibodies... they will quickly die off as your body has to keep making new ones in reaction to the virus being present .

 

[2Legit2Quit]

Mkaes sense Dancer

[Bambina3]

@WCSDancer2010 first of all, I didn't ask a question to prompt your opinion...I made a statement...I was venting...and absolutely I was reflecting on the whole situation, including myself, (lieing, cheating)...next time I suggest you keep your judgmental statements to yourself...I doubt your history is picture perfect.

 

I already know 2legit is right.

[WCSDancer2010]

@Bambina3

 

As I said, not judging at all. Few are perfect in this life. But sometimes we need to have a little "Tough Love" moment.... and as a moderator and coach, that is part of my job. To help people to see things that they are either not seeing or don't want to see. My biggest growth moment ever came from something someone said that made me have to stop and look at who *I* was being in a relationship (where I was blaming the other person for my situation). Didn't like it when it was said, but it started me on a road to take responsibility for my part in a situation... because that's the only part I can control.

 

You know I have said many things to you in support where I could have judged. DO know that anything I say is said because I feel it needs to be heard. If you want to be in a forum that will always tell you what you want to hear, this may not be the place for you. If you want to be in a place that will support you in a way that may help you to grow through your experience here, then this is exactly where you need to be.

 

(((HUGS)))

[Bambina3]

@WCSDancer2010

Then I suppose the same thought process applies to you as well being on this forum, you might not always be told what you want to hear.

When you start off a sentence "Uh not to judge but"....there should be no "but" there should be no "judge"

My statement was a vent...and i was including myself...but even if I wasn't...your opening line speaks for itself.

You've helped many, you have helped me, you have inspired me, but don't always put your own thoughts on people's words. My vent included me.

Hugs!

[Bambina3]

So I finally put my big girl panties on the other day and went to a counseling appointment...she wanted to put me on Prozac and/or Ativan for now (I've also been trying to deal with other issues) but I declined...for now

When I told her I've described it but not fully disclosed yet by saying "I have h!", that I've been in secret silence (basically)....she did say for now...that was probably the best way for me to deal with it...she did say it was better than me lashing out, or telling the wrong person, and causing scandle and more marriage issues.

I am also proud to say I've met a wonderful h buddy here who has been more than supportive ;)

[Bambina3]

Just an update

Sooooo all along I feared of my testing result going to my workplace for fear of others getting ahold of the information that didn't need to see it...yes we have HIPPA laws set up to help alleviate that, but it was still very much a concern of mine, I even went to my med rec department about a month ago to see if I could have it squashed because I seek out of the area intervention now, the answer was no, even if it was anonymous, the doctor and nurses attending to me would have access to my record and know.

Recent I received notofication my record was violated by a fellow employee as well as others, and the person is being investigated by the police.

What were the f"""ing odds my record would be among one of those breached?

Thousands of patients a week, and I'm in the few breached!

I have no words anymore, I just don't,

[2Legit2Quit]

What does that mean, violated?

[Bambina3]

Violated means she violated my privacy...and unless it's necessary to do your job, it's illegal and subjective to fines, immediate termination, arrest.

we don't know who is was.

They said it wasn't malice intent, bored and being snoopy...to me that's malice, you don't need to be doing identify theft to be malice...anyway, whoever she is knows of my diagnosis and many others. She's been fired.

Makes me ill.

[2Legit2Quit]

How disgusting! My massage therapist told me yesterday how catty it is there and how girls have gone through other girls friends, when they're w a client. I was like what is wrong w these ladies!? I've had access to peoples emails working in IT and I did not snoop through their emails! How did they find out she did that? She deserved what she got and how can they prove there was no malicious intent, other than her word? Her gossiping about it is malicious intent and that's usually why someone would do such a thing. Ugh.... Were you friend's w her?

[Bambina3]

I have no idea who she is...they wouldn't say...word just came down the pike it was a "she"

I'm thinking she had to know me and the others she snooped on

Someone saw her doing it, told her supervisor....they tracked her for a while and then had enough for termination.

People gossip, that was always a fear of mine, as much as they say don't do it, have laws in place, they do it.

Now I travel over an hour away for any treatment or calls related to my hsv.

[2Legit2Quit]

That is so messed up... Just disgusting...glad she was caught

[Bambina3]

And my h saga continues

 

I traveled back to std clinic.

This time room was full, I felt out of place, felt the stigma. Someone close to me got me thru it via text.

I really like the doctor there, but she clearly sides with the cdc.

My rash she declared without testing again was folliculitis...

She informed me I could go another 30 years without another breakout, or subtle and unnoticeable ones.

I asked for the blood work to see if I have hsv1, added 2 on there just because I asked...I know it's a mute point now, it is just myself being curious...upset me all along since my swab no one wanted to give me slip for labs, I suppose I should of expressed concern about type 1 to get it...I got the order...grrr

 

So why does she side with cdc?

Her lecture on getting the bloodwork...she is completely against it unless someone has obvious signs, even then she knows it will be positive, either then or 4 months from then.

She said she has been working for this clinic for 27 years. She asks her patients why test?

We should be practicing safe sax...anyway

We should be taking care of ourselves anyway

We should be taking care of our immune systems...anyway

She tests patients without signs that have come up positive and they call her ask her now what??? She replies now nothing, be protective and if you have a breakout call for meds.

Then patients start having signs and symptoms and noticing every little thing that they didn't notice prior to h blood test. Usually causes emotional upset (no shit)

She said the bloodwork is useless.

She's never been tested, never had a cold sore, but is certain she has a form of hsv, quioting me the statistics..

 

I walked away shaking my head,...I was going to ask her about the fuc""g disclosure talk but figured why bother....she'd give me the same lecture I just heard...practice safe sex regardless:

 

 

[2Legit2Quit]

Sounds like your typical jaded doctor... Her thinking sucks... That's my opinion.

[Bambina3]

She's jaded and sides with the cdc....But she gave me he treatment options and talked to me which is more than I got originally from my obgyn....obgyn said it was common, keep your immune system up, have a nice day (basically)

 

I might add none of the doctors ever talked to me about the disclose talk except once, and that was my pcp...she actually advised against it.

[2Legit2Quit]

I think they look at that more like out if thwir area. That they don't want nor have time to also have a "therapy" session in their minds. Wrong, but it's the truth.

[optimist]

My doc also advised to just use condoms and not think about disclosure unless I enter a long-term monogamous relationship. She also advised against suppressive therapy because I don't have recognizable outbreaks. And she said disclosing risk was "unrealistic" because the blood test doesn't reveal where the infection is located. All bad advice, IMO. And if she knew this was the advice she was going to give, why not warn me of that before I tested?

 

From what I can tell, the medical community is focused on alleviating symptoms for the minority that is symptomatic, not reducing transmission in the general population. My preference would be for the system to be overhauled and for HSV testing to be included in STI panels. Until that happens, I'm inclined to agree that it's better to test only if you symptoms.

[WCSDancer2010]

From what I can tell, the medical community is focused on alleviating symptoms for the minority that is symptomatic, not reducing transmission in the general population.

 

Yup - you hit the nail on the head.

 

The problem is, they don't LIVE with this (at least, if they do, they haven't had many of the experiences we see on here).

 

They don't see the person I get on here who learned they have H AFTER giving it to a loved one and finding out when that loved one came up with an OB.

 

They don't see the ones who have been rejected and who don't have the personal experience/training to learn how to deal with that, who then are convinced they are unlovable.

 

They don't see the ones who used a condom but didn't disclose until entering into the monogamous relationship, who then have a partner who is totally and absolutely freaked out. (*I* had that experience before I heard about asymptomatic shedding... in fact, HE was the one that brought me up to speed on that one... )

 

They don't get it that the VAST majority of people who get H get it from an asymptomatic shedder, which is why they may say don't take the meds. In that, they are not "wrong" but the meds should be up to the person.... if it puts your (or your partners) mind to rest so you can have great sex, then fer-crissakes, take them. They won't hurt you and you can always go off them when you get comfortable in the relationship.

 

As for your feeling that "it's best to test if you only have symptoms" ... again IMO you DON'T want to find out that you have Herpes when your new (OR old!) love interest calls you in hysterics saying they their nether regions are on fire and they are on the way to the Dr!

 

 

 

 

[2Legit2Quit]

@Optimist @wcsdancer2010 maybe we should start a change.org petition to demand that. What do you think? I feel it's the only way to get rid of the stigma and to stop typing one as better than to have than the other.

[optimist]

@WCSDancer2010 - I agree with everything you said and of course would not have preferred to find out by having given it to someone who then experienced painful symptoms, but the fact is that 50 million or so people in the U.S. are unaware and going about their sexual lives without worrying about trying to reduce transmission with methods that aren't completely effective and also can have a downside of side effects or even just lack of spontaneity and increased anxiety in both partners. It's a tough call, IMO, when it comes to how to deal with asymptomatic people (the majority) under the current system of vast underdiagnosis combined with high stigma. I'll admit my negative stance on asymptomatic testing may change as I come to terms with my own diagnosis. For now, I'm having a hard time seeing beyond the implications of my own circumstances, I think.