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HSV2 for 28 years, F


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I can completely understand not wanting to disclose....even thought I know it's the "right" thing to do. I think it's so difficult to do. Your chances of spreading while being safe (using condoms and anti viral) whether you disclose or not, are exactly the same. I do, however, wish I'd have been given a choice, but 30 plus years ago we didn't know what we know now.......all there was was cream and condoms. I was so in love, I would have accepted it anyway and prob ended up with It the end anyway. I remember the night it happened. He must have had an outbreak because we had been having unprotected sex for a long, long time and then he produces a condom one night saying he thought he had an infection. He must have been having a full on ob and the condom came off. I had to fish it out of me. It wasn't long after that I had it. I had an open sore just inside my vagina. Dr said he didn't know what it was. I then went through his bathroom and found the acyclovir cream and confronted him. We had a very, very long talk. He apologized and we ended up marrying a few yrs later. We broke up after about 5 yrs and have remained very good friends. I've disclosed twice with success......

 

Why did westover clinic close their doors? I didn't know. Isn't that where they do the most comprehensive testing for herpies?

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Here's the thing, I'm all for disclosing, but I also think that people are given a choice when they decide to have sex or not, especially with regards to casual sex and hook up culture.

 

Considering that so many people don't even know they have herpes, anyone who is havin casual sex is rolling the dice regardless of disclosure.

 

This is why it is so difficult for herpes lawsuits to happen.

 

Let's look at HPV or "cold sores" .. both are more common than genital herpes, and that's the reason why disclosure isn't neccessary.

 

It's all a numbers game. If more people had genital herpes, than disclosure would become less of an issue. This is the big point of tension I have with disclosure on the first place.

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@Katidid thank you for sharing....

I think Westover Clinic closed because Terri Warren went into partial retirement....just saddening because she was one of the advocates I'm aware of for hpv. If I was given a choice, even now knowing what I know, I'd walk away from me and not want to chance contracting it, so why would I expect differently from someone else?

 

@Hippyherpy I couldn't agree more...it is equal responsibility when venturing into any sexual relationship....I don't blame my status on anyone but myself, and shameful for it....I already know we shouldn't feel ashamed and feed into the stigma, but I do.

 

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Bambina- I'm the type of person that takes that see's this kind of thing as my responsibility and I take the full responsibility for getting herpes as it should have probably happened a while ago.

 

Some people tend to place responsibility externally, while I do internally. That's just how the world works.

 

When it comes down to it, you are always rolling the dice when you have sex. I think that for something like HIV, it's imperative that partners communicate status because that is life threatening. But herpes is much more prevalent and not dangerous like that.

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@Hippyherpy I've thought a lot about why I feel I must disclose my HSV2+ status when 1) something like 85% of people who are HSV2+ don't know they have it and therefore can't disclose even if they wanted to, 2) the majority of single women my age are HSV2+, 3) the vast majority of sexually active adults are infected with HSV1, HSV2 or both, and both types can cause genital herpes either via oral sex or intercourse. As someone who does not have outbreaks, I've wondered why it should be more important for me to disclose that I'm HSV2+ than for someone who had one cold sore twenty years ago to disclose they are HSV1+ and still capable of of asymptomatically shedding HSV1 and transmitting herpes to a partner's genitals. Half of new genital herpes cases are caused by HSV1, after all. My answer to this, and it's just my opinion, is that there is a stigma associated with genital herpes based on the location of the infection, whether caused by HSV1 or HSV2, and that stigma creates fear that in turn creates an expectation of disclosure.

 

I think the extreme fear is based on the idea that it is unmanageable, highly contagious, and always presents with severe symptoms. This would be like everyone abstaining from kissing for fear of contracting HSV1 and developing chronic, severe, recurring cold sores. Some people with HSV1 do have severe recurring oral outbreaks but they are in the minority. That's another type of dice roll. And I think much of the fear is based on the belief that if you contract genital herpes, not only will it be obvious, but you will then have to disclose your status to all future partners.

 

Most of the time, I still wish I was unaware of my status, as most asymptomatic people are. I do take antivirals as a result of knowing about my status, so that is something positive that came from testing. The antivirals should cut my asymptomatic shedding in half or more so that my small risk of transmission is now even smaller.

 

I'm all for the idea of getting HSV1 and HSV2 added to standard STI screens to increase awareness. Then maybe you'd see a "Negative Singles" dating site for the 10% of whatever part of the population that is NOT capable of transmitting herpes to a partner's genitals.

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@hippyherpy - When I got my diagnosis, the nurse suggested I just use condoms and disclose only when entering a long-term monogamous relationship. She also said antivirals were unnecessary for me because I don't have outbreaks. I wasn't comfortable with that advice. I followed up with the doctor who was fine prescribing antivirals and I plan to disclose before sexual contact, except perhaps kissing.

 

Now that I've been able to put my own risk of transmission in perspective, I will admit that my drive to disclose is less about giving someone a choice and more about feeling an obligation based on the knowledge of my diagnosis. That may sound selfish and misguided, but my belief is that, given the prevalence of HSV1 and HSV2 and the fact that most people are unaware of their status, people are taking this risk all the time whether they know it or not.

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  • 2 weeks later...

@Seeker1960

Good luck with your testing.....it's never easy waiting for results..as you are aware the western blot will tell you your answers...I did not have to do that...I was confirmed 1 and 2 via blood world...and like happyherpes, I wish I didn't know.

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  • 1 month later...
I read an interesting article....and wanted to share for those that haven't seen it

 

http://herpesstories.org/las-vegas-man-sues-his-tinder-hookup-after-contracting-genital-herpes/

 

Herpes is super common and not life threatening.

 

"“On her end of the scale, she should have been honest, but his decision to pursue instant gratification is going to affect him the rest of his life,” he said. “They both went on the site, they both knew what they were getting into: they were looking for a quick night of fun, a good time. Now he’s paying the price and he doesn’t like it.”

 

 

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Woah so interesting. I was actually thinking back, trying to do that detective work. 3 years ago a guy asked me if I had herpes- he was cool about it- but I said no that it was an ingrown hair that I've gotten before. I think I remember poping it too cause he said it looked like herpes and he's seen it before.

Then I remembered way back to when I was 17 and had a boyfriend. I remember telling him that he should get tested cause it looked like something down there. He said he would, but he never really said what it was. Just that he had tiny red bumps on the head of his penis. I never really asked about it because he said everything was fine and the doctor said it would clear up. Soooo there's definitely no telling.

 

I also remember around one time I thought I had warts. I think this was shortly after my first bf. I was soooo paranoid I asked my mother to take a look and she said it was a pimple. Which had me wondering because what ever it was, it was painless and I also ready that herpes isn't always painful.

 

I did get an itchy but from time to time. Normal in some cases. Although Ive had a tingling sensation in my rectum for quite awhile and I've read plenty of descriptions about there being a tingly feeling.

 

Really though the education around herpes and having it is lacking. I knew about hsv1 but not so much about Hsv2. And in the gay community it's all about HIV/std. So much more focus on HIV than anything else that was the main focus. Really herpes is rarely talked about.

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I also know a girl, not personally, but she's my cousins friend. One day she just said she had herpes. My cousins had to correct her and say you have herpes or you don't have herpes. She stated she's only had one break out and hasn't told anyone. She's also having sex with a guy who told her that she has herpes, but she hasn't told him about her status. She doesn't want him to know.

 

I wonder at times if I would have been better off not knowing- ignorance is bliss-

But if someone other than myself can do it and disclose I don't see why I can't either. All I can think that of is by me not knowing meant I could have unprotected sex with others that we both think we are in the clear. And no that's not what I was doing. Avoiding those nasty fluids was a must, but as skin to skin contact goes. I was all for four play and just lying on top of eachother rubbing body's, or engaging in non penetration where they just rub it between the golden mounds of my bootycheeks.

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The clinic I went to they don't have blood testing. Said it's too expensive and that if I wanted that done id have to go to a private doctor or something. Which is interesting because of you have a mild outbreak how will you ever know if you don't... Know. And since the blood test can be false... And there's only one acurate test for it in Washington... Doesn't seem like they'll be doing it any time soon. If anything a better education system is what's needed

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I agree that a better education system is needed.

 

I'm curious to see the outcome of the lawsuit. I wonder if they will update it. I disliked the comment at the bottom.

 

"For people with herpes, there is a dating app for them." They contradicted the stats they posted. If everyone knew their status then the herpes dating site would then become the normal and the negative dating app would be the one needing the link lol.

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Thanks so much for sharing. I too found out that I had Hsv1 and 2 at the age of 48. I had had a traumatic experience that caused the virus to show itself. I have not had an outbreak since. You sound like a wonderful positive person. Things will keep getting

Easier. If sounds like you have a lot of people that love you. As always Adrial and his community are here for you.

 

Peggy

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  • 6 months later...

I have been doing lots of reading since my diagnosis with conflicting items in relation to transmission

Here is my question

I've supposedly had hsv2 for decades, hsv1 unknown...I've only had one minor outbreak that I'm aware of, and that was the point of my official diagnosis over a year ago...I'm aware of shedding causing transmission, but they say as time goes on, shedding lessons, therefore transmission lessons...I'm not on any antiviral therapy...

So considering the years I've had it, etc, does that mean my risk of transmission is extremely low? Lower than the stats at this point?

Just wondering.

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@2legit2quit I'm curious about your nerve pain. I'm a week into my first OB and went to the dr. yesterday, waiting on my culture results. I'm having the tingling in the backs of my legs, sore tailbone as if I've rode a bike for hours, and right now my legs and feet ache pretty bad and will sometimes radiate with more intensity. They weren't like this until the past couple days. They're also like hyper sensitive to the stubble on my legs or if something else rubs or touches with pressure. I saw that you have multiple autoimmune issues but which doctor handled the nerve pain. Right now it's worse than the outbreak itself since I have the lidocaine jelly. Thanks in advance!

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  • 1 month later...

I have a few things to vent about (I'm long over due)

 

First, now that hsv1 and 2 have touched my life, I am more aware of my surroundings, and to be honest, I have never heard of h before my diagnosis, but only in the cold sore sense, not genital.

Now, I've been subjected lately to the stigma surrounding hsv2...the talk of "you don't know what she has, probably herpes" referring to someone promiscuous. And "I'd never touch someone with h"....I've tried to deflect and inform, but unsuccessfully. I still have not come out of the closet with my diagnosis, so it makes it difficult.

 

Also, ignorance in the medical field surprises me....I went to a planned parenthood out of my area towards the major city for 2nd opinion. Today I called my local pp to set up std testing for a friend....I specifically asked about hsv2....she said they make a clinical diagnosis based on visual....I asked no swab? She replied not usually, I said no blood test, she replies not usually...so they are diagnosing on visual only??? Ommyword !!!

 

I've also talked to 2 women in the single field (the last 7/10 days for me have been trying. ...

They do not know eachother, I am the only common link

We discussed being back in the single arena....my analaztion of both conversations were they were not as afraid of contracting hiv as they were hsv2, with the drugs in place now

 

I don't even know what to say .,,,,,,,,

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Wow, @Bambina3. That would be hard to hear. Sometimes I wonder what I would say in a similar situation. I worry someday I'll just blurt out that I have herpes because it would piss me off too much to listen to stereotypical comments. I once made a herpes joke on Facebook and I'll never forget when it popped up as a "memory"....just a few weeks after my unexpected and devastating diagnosis. It was a painful reminder that I was, until recently, one of "them"....making ignorant, judgmental comments.

 

My own theory is that people are afraid of what they don't know. Especially in their own life experience. When my stepdaughter went off to college, she worked as a receptionist in a hair salon where several employees happened to be gay. She grew up in an environment that was heavily influenced by a religion that is intolerant to homosexuality (at her mom's house--my ex and I tried hard to counterbalance that). One day she told her dad (my ex) that she had been wrong for judging people who were gay. She now knew these individuals as real people...not "others", but her friends.

 

I've often wondered what it would be like if every person with genital herpes came out of the closet. What kind of shift we'd see. Even without standard testing. There's no doubt some people would remain as hysterical and judgmental as ever. After all, it's very painful to admit that bad things don't just happen to other people. They can and do happen to all of us, including those we love and care about. Some people will go to their grave avoiding that pain by any means necessary.

 

But still, I wonder about that world. The world where herpes wasn't a thing that only happened to other people, and it wasn't a closely guarded secret. I hope one day to have the courage to "be the change" I want to see.

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@himingGirl I agree, I hope someday tone the woman to help change the world, but so far not yet....

Some people don't realize, words hurt, and can stick with a person for a lifetime. I haven't blurred my diagnosis yet, but have come really close.

 

 

Recently I had a house full of young adults, including my children....they had a debate going on about using public toilet seats and catching stds...(convo arose when someone said they were at a concert and wouldn't use public restroom)

They went on to say Clamydia, gonnerahha, and herpes can all be caught from sharing a toilet seat....of course I rebutted, stated facts, facts no one wanted to hear...it was me against them...even after I pulled it up on net, they rebutted with a net article that said rarely, but possible....my insides were screaming "you have been sharing one with me and no one is infected!!!!!!!" But I didn't.

Then, because I engaged in that conversation and stuck up with the facts....a few days later I got into an argument with one of them and they said right to my face "your probably an aids infected whore".

I am tearing writing that now.

The stigma is real, and it's hurtful.

Not only to me, but to everyone infected with something.

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