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Long Distance & Disclosing


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Hello all,

 

I'll try to keep this short. I've been communicating with a great guy for two months now and we just had our first date (we went to college together, but we just recently connected again). It was amazing and I ended up spending the night (no sex/intimacy besides kissing). I told him I don't hook up and wait til I'm in relationships for sex, but I didn't say why. He flew back home this morning and at the end of the month I'll be moving to a different state, putting us about 3000 miles apart.

 

Couple this with months of sexual frustration and I'm dying to tell him, mostly because I don't want him to see me again in November and still not know. I don't know when or how to have this conversation. I also don't want to feel like I'm coming off as if I'm in pursuit of a relationship, just to drop this news in his lap afterward. I guess there's a possibility we won't even be speaking anymore by November, so maybe my fears aren't rational, but... Idk. I'm not sure how disclosing works long distance.

 

Help!

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I had to disclose long distance and I know exactly what you mean. It is difficult to determine if you should do it in person, over the phone, should you wait to see how it goes before your next trip etc...haha I was trying to decide the perfect time myself. I decided to tell him a couple days before I was going to see him. He was in driving distance at the time, about 3 hours. So I didn't have a plane ticket or anything like that. I ended up telling him over the phone during a very long conversation. It just felt right, so I told him and it went extremely well. I still got to see him and we had an amazing time. I have a seen him a few times since I disclosed. Now he is back home unfortunately and that is about 2500 miles away :-/ Not sure how much I like it just yet. It is pretty difficult. I for one, don't see any issue with seeing how it goes with your guy for the next month. For all you know, you might not want to deal with him anymore by November haha. If you still like him by November and feel a moment where you guys are talking and you feel safe, I say go for it.

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My current relationship started long distance. I disclosed on the first visit we were together in person, after having confirmation of being positive for H that same week. I had an equivocal result initially, then got the western blot. The whole disclosure was a mess. It was ugly, and not even painted pretty. She just said we'd figure it out and we've been together 9 months now.

 

My equivocal result was eating at me terribly - I wanted to tell her when we were apart, but for me, I felt like I needed to do it face to face. I considered doing it over Skype since we were doing that almost daily, but chickened out.

 

All I can say is this - if it's going to work out, its going to work out. If it's not, it's not. In the end, the location, and delivery is small potatoes in my opinion - it's really about what kind of person are they, and how much do they value you as a person. We focus on the delivery and location because it's something we can CONTROL but it's not as significant IMO.

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I'm considering disclosing to someone long distance as well. I've opted for phone, because I do not want him flying here without knowing. Especially because the tenor of the visit is sexual. Not necessarily looking to date . . .It's hard to know how to do it, but I got tired of avoiding the conversation so I prompted it. Not sure when it will happen, but I did say we needed to talk about sex before he came here. I'm just going for what makes the most sense to me, right now. I think that's the best we can ever do.

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