My Herpes Story

[StephanieWS]

I had gotten married to my husband in 2009. Our marriage was rough and rocky. The first year, all we did was fight and argue. Eventually, it lead to separation. We got back together around February 2010 and by March I was pregnant with our son. I tried to make it work with him and tried to move on with our marriage. Around 5 or 6 months pregnant, I couldn't deal with him anymore and I left. I went back home with my family and he went on doing whatever he did. In or around October, he had gotten a new girlfriend and I assumed they were sleeping together. He had something break out on his face and I told him I thought it looked like Herpes. Well, in November, I had gotten an std check because of his face. I didn't have the virus.. yet... After our son was born, we had gotten back together. I had assumed that if he had gotten herpes, he would have gotten checked and would be man enough to admit it to me. WRONG! I slept with him and in December, I had my first OB. I could have swore it was just a really bad yeast infection. Nothing else happened. I didn't get the flu like symptoms like everyone else. I just had this freakishly-itchy rash like thing. It went away and I went on about my business. Well, about 2 months later it was back; disappeared; and came back again. By April, I had had enough of wondering and went and had a blood test. I had also had what I am pretty sure was an OB. Well, the results of the swab came back negative and so I waited patiently for my blood test to come back. When it did, they called and confirmed that I indeed had HSV-2. At first, I thought I was going to die, and I wanted to commit suicide. My husband was gone working at the time and I had no one really to talk to about it. I mean, no one in my family had ever said anything about having it and none of my friends did either. So, I went into this really big depression and I ended up being put on medication after that. I don't know how to forgive my husband for it, but we are working on it. I have faith in us somewhere. I hate that we have it, but like everyone else says, it cannot define who you are. You either let it control you or you control it. :)

[Judith]

Hi stephanie,

 

sorry that you feeling so bad about all this,i can understand ,we all in the same shoes.

Actually what you writing gives me the feeling that you not more into that realationship anymore....i cant see any love for him in your words.Do you really think that you should go on like this, it sounds like for me ,that you dont trust him or love him anymore.Maybe you should take a time off and realize what you really want.Its difficult to discosure to someone but its better then stay unhappy all your live ,with a guy which dont respect you.i never disclosure neither but i dont think that you should stay in unhappy relationship,even if you have a child together.This guy not even wanne talk about herpes with you,that horrible.I can see that you dont wanne be alone all your live but this dont need to be.............live can be better ............. another guy see it diffrently and have resepect for you,talk and resepct you even with herpes.Dont let yourself stop live, try to go for it and try to have better one.Maybe i am wrong , i dont know you but it sound really unhappy. with that guy...........if i am wrong ,sorry.wish you the best

[StephanieWS]

Hello Judith,

Thank you for your feedback. You are pretty much right. However, I do love him and I try to make it work with him, but this is always in the back of my mind. I don't trust him or respect him at all. We are actually in marriage counseling now to see if there is any way that it can be saved. If this doesn't work, then I have to move on. You're right about one thing, though. It is better to try to disclose to someone I can be happy with, rather than to stay with someone I can't. It's hard to get past and I am tired of feeling like I am tied down to him because of this one thing. There is a guy out there some where for me, that will definitely understand and be completely open to this. However, I am in no big hurry to find him at all. I will just wade out the storm for now. :)

[Readergurl]

Hey Stephanie, sorry that you had to experience this, but keep your head up. And don't let a herpes diagnosis decide if you should stay with him or not. It's kind of like cutting off your nose to spite your face...i think.... If you can make it work and you can break through the fact that he didn't get tested, great, if not, don't think that you can't live a happy life without your hubby. There are wonderful and amazing opportinities for everyone, you included :-)

[StephanieWS]

Thank you. I believe what kills me the most right now, is the fact that he has never got tested! A part of me thinks that he probably feels if he doesn't get tested, he never had it or gave it to me. He refuses to get tested and I can't seem to figure out why. :(

[Readergurl]

Some people have an ostrich complex...meaning...if they bury their head in the sand and they can't see it, maybe no one els can either...maybe your hubby is one of those people.

[StephanieWS]

That actually kind of made me laugh because you hit that right on the head. He really is like that. I guess, as long as he doesn't know, then he can always stick with the fact that he doesn't have to disclose it to people. I mean, I love him, I really do, but I just don't know how to go about forgiving him. I don't even know how to let it all go.

[Readergurl]

I think that forgiveness comes in time, and depending on the person, some people can forgive and let go, some people can't...I am the kind of person that will forgive, but I don't forget and letting go easily...if ever...I guess it comes down to personality :-)

 

[StephanieWS]

I revised it. That's more like it. I think I wrote it out of anger the other day. Haha.