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Valtrex Daily + Condoms = Do I Really Need to Disclose?


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There's zero condensation from my side what so ever. I am a straight shooter and I'll tell someone upfront if they're upsetting me. Not even being called a liar upset me... Water down my back. I have learned to not let someone get to me on here, at the same time I am not going to lie. I specifically used examples of what I would do.. I think those who struggle w being upfront or not wanting to disclose, can read into it, based on what they're projecting onto the situation, because deep down, it makes them feel bad about themselves, that they're not disclosing. I've not insulted here, but I have been insulted. That is making assumptions and projecting your personal feelings. Sometimes the truthtruth can hurt to hear and sometimes people don't want to hear the truth. We're here for support and along w that support, to also teach people about doing what is the right thing to do and I'm sure, that can be very difficult to hear sometimes. We're all adult's, time for us all to put our big girl and boy panties on and face life head on.

 

Truth does not equate judgement or condescension and if people start mixing the two, then that person is struggling w the truth deep inside. All's we can do , s our best and do the right things and live w integrity in our lives, which I understand can be difficult for some people. We have to take accountability in our lives and we have to stop pointing fingers at everyone else, that they are wrong, they did this, they did that... We are only responsible for our actions.

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@2Legit2Quit

This is not my argument and you have helped me a lot, so I am staying out of it....whether it be here or anywhere, I agree...we shouldn't let anyone get to us.

Unfortunately everyone has their version of the truth, yours, mine, and in the middle somewhere lies the truth...I think at times, it can be how we perceive things...and even though you do your best to help others, they might not be ready for the help. We need to just accept that and move forward.

I have been on the net a very long time, and have experienced a lot of deceit....even those I trusted, that could tell me facts, statistics, and quote passages from the bible, were among the most deceitful.

Hold your head high, you are doing your best, that's all we can do.

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It depends how badly the person wants to be with you- that will color what they think of your disclosure.

 

If someone is extremely into you, know that herpes stigma is bullshit, and knows that you are doing what you can do prevent transmission. Something like a herpes disclosure might not matter.

 

If they are on the fence, then maybe a herpes disclosure will be the deal breaker.

 

For a lot of people, you are setting the example by showing that it isn't a big deal to you. That's the biggest stigma destroyer. How you've managed your life despite getting herpes.

 

That's how it's been for me. The people I know who have it who don't really care made me realize that it's not as bad as we are told in general.

 

Tell them you have herpes. Tell the stats, if you feel like you need to. I don't think it's even necessary to tell stats if they are cool with your disclosure and you are doing everything possible.

 

I just tell them something like "Before you freak out.." followed by: I don't get breakouts, I take a pill to reduce it a lot, and that if we use condoms, there's a tiny chance of transmission but it's like the risk of getting into a car accident.. almost 0%.

 

To me this isn't bending the truth or sugar coating. 1% or even 2.5% is very slim odds.

 

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@hippyherpy, I dunno. I saw the most ignorant comments in fb yesterday from someone, over a dog licking a babies face. I stated how it's more dangerous for those thinking it was disgusting, that the dig doesn't have anything communicable to pass on like humans, outside of rabies. I mentioned how most babies and kids are infected w a couple different strains if herpes and we don't even know. This grown ass womenwomen said how she won't even shake hands w someone w a cold sore and will blow right past them and go wash her hands. I then provided some more information about the heroes viruses and she said she wouldn't know, because she never lived the kind of life style that would get her an STD. So I think regardless of disclosure, some people are just extremely judgemental and don't care about the facts.it's astounding the ignorance out there to say the least.i can understand for you about not giving the stats, because for you, you're just having casual sex, which I don't plan on doing. I'd disclose to someone I'd cares for and I'd fear resentment, so I would give all the stats, because I don't want them to feel hurt and angry or resentful towards me, like I deceived them. I think our situations are really different.for someone like you, the stats are a lot more likely to apply. For me, despite how mild my symptoms are right now, alas, I still have constant symptoms and feel I'd most definitely pass it.

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By the way, I did send stats and a lot information to some of my girlfriends when I first found out. One of them got back to me with "does this mean we can't have unprotected sex anymore?" She spoke to her doctor and knew my exact situation and still wants to have sex with me.

 

Unprotected sex is rampant right now.

 

I have another girlfriend who also knows all the details- I've sent her statistics and everything, and she has unprotected sex with me.. sometimes it's even too much for me to do that right now.. if I feel like I'm getting a prodrome or think I might be. Sometimes I feel like I'm causing prodromes if I get worried about it.. kind of like getting worried about all this stuff can make the breakouts happen. I haven't had anything like a breakout since my first one, and am religious about taking my Vitamin "V".

 

I'm betting that we are going to see an even larger increase in genital HSV diagnosis in the very near future- like exponentially larger.

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Omg, I love the vitamin V thing! Speaking of which, after the whole Russian plane incident this past week or last week, they're saying no how they'll do extensive luggage checks now and I worry about when I travle next year by plane. I fear that if I don't have them in a prescription bottle, it'll flag as suspicious, at the same time, I really don't want a bottle w my name and all my info on it, stating its an antiviral. What would you do in this situation?

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Here's the thing about herpes that I've realized.

 

We all are going to get what seems like bad news at different points in our lives.

 

People have to stop thinking that they are going to live forever. Most of all the stigma with herpes has to do with someone making money. Always follow the money.

 

Herpes is actually a blessing in a way because it prepares us for more our mortality in a way that not having herpes doesn't.. and that's all based on the few decades old stigma that we have now.

 

Truth is that back in the day, people lived with depression- it was accepted and was called "the blues". People had to deal with much worse diseases than our first world herpes. There are billions of peoples in the world who have much more pressing issues than herpes.

 

 

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Do I get upset if I get dealt a bad hand in poker. No. I fold and do the next game.

 

I won't lie and say that it didn't bring up a lot of anxiety, but most of that was due to my ignorance.

 

A few key points.. Statically, I probably should have gotten this thing a while ago. It's the cognitive dissonance of what I thought was the reality with regards to heroes vs. learning all at once what it is about that caused some stress.

 

I'm going to call it the herpes crunch.

 

It's when you get hit with a disclosure of a lot of information about which you weren't "ready" to receive. This can be finding out you have herpes, or Ive also seen this with people she I've disclosed.. it's like too much info for them to process.

 

So far, that has been the most stressful part for me. The actual physical herpes hadn't affected me much. This could be because I've been on the meds since my first outbreak or whatever.

 

The only thing is that I think the Valtrex makes a little bit lethargic for a it, by that might be psychosomatic.

 

I think about animals that get caught in a trap an gnaw their legs off. It's much worse than catching herpes in my opinion, but they still go on doing their animal thing regardless of the permanent loss.

 

And, like I said a few posts back, I'd put money on the possibility of their bring a huge increase in herpes diagnosis in the near future. They should rename Tinder as "Herpder".

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I know you're looking for some new metaphors, but I'm not loving the poker one. Wouldn't want anyone to 'fold' because they were dealt herpes!

 

I think the lethargy is as likely to be from the immune system using extra resources to fight infection - I experienced it for a long period of time but only took valacyclovir a couple of times.

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Valtrex makes me sleepy as well. Have you tried taking it at night? That's what I did and it resolved that issue for me. I do agree w @sil88 on H possibly causing that as well. I am more tired since having H and if I stop valtrex, 30-69mins of physical activity will trigger severe chronic fatigue, that will take about 3-4 days to recover completely from . sucks.

 

Makes sense about the overload if info. For me, my symptoms are worse than the idea of disclosing.

 

I agree... I have a friend in tinder and I just can't believe she's not caught anything thus far. I never slept around and caught this after two yrs of abstinent.

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I'm not sure where the .04% comes from. I've read through thus article a few times, and it pretty clearly states that 1.9% of all participants taking meds transmitted the virus. The rate of transmission to a female partner from a male partner was higher, at 3.3% And transmission among people who had the virus less than two years was 3.1%. How long have you had the virus? Because if it's less than two years, that's a double whammy. Certainly, adding condoms reduced transmission. But they did not reduced it to .04%. The closest statistic to that is that .5% became symptomatic. And this is just one study. Unfortunately there are not a lot of studies that really get into this. And use caution when using one research study to make any decision. Especially a decision that is not yours alone.

 

.04 is a typo.. it's .4

 

Here's the part in that article about .4:

"As the data prove, the results suggest that the chance of the uninfected partner becoming infected is reduced from 8 incidences per 220 couples that nearly always wore condoms but NO Valtrex (about a 4% chance overall) to 1 incidence in 223 couples that nearly always wore condoms and Valtrex WAS taken daily (about a 0.4% chance)."

 

 

What if you have Ghsv1? Do you think condoms + antivirals lowers it even more?

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Ok - trying to catch up a *little* here... just a few thoughts:

 

Ok so next time someone gets in a car that you are driving maybe you should explain to them how there's a slim but very real possibility that they are going to die or get s permanent injury.

 

Do you see my point?

 

We don't do that. Yet people get in cars all the time.

 

Telling someone they are safe with me.. It's the same thing as the car analogy. Maybe the car thing is even worse- people put their kids in cars all the time but there is still that slim but real possibility that the kid will be at risk of dying or permanent injury.

 

Yet driving a car doesn't have anywhere near the same stigma that having condom/Valtrex/hsv2 has.

 

The thing with the Car analogy is that we DO know the risks f driving (we see stuff on the news all the time showing the latest fatal accident). Sadly with H, because of the lack of info, and misinformation, our potential partners are usually "driving blind" and totally clueless about the realities of non-monogamous sex. Most think they will "know" if their partner has an STD ... but there's no more truth to that than you will "know" your brakes are about to fail. But people are still better at at least doing *some* maintenance on their cars including having someone look at the brakes once in awhile. What we need is better education - about ALL STD's - because education blows away stigma. We need to get people to TALK about STD's like they talk about things like Psoriasis, Addictions, and other things that used to he hush-hush topics that brought shame onto the person affected. We need to get people to ALWAYS have the STD talk before sex. And to encourage people to use condoms, especially when engaging in "risky" sex (and by that, I mean pretty much any non-monogamous/early relationship/pre testing sex).

 

Thing is, a person has a car accident and gets hurt, they aren't ashamed to talk about it. A person has sex and gets an STD and they think the world has ended. It IS stupid. But until we get an OPEN and HONEST dialog going, the stigma will continue ... Shame grows in a vaccuum... as per link below... but the hard part is noone wants to be the person to be "out"... (and I'm not saying people *must* come out... just making a point).... so as long as people continue to "closet" themselves, the stigma will continue.

 

For a lot of people, you are setting the example by showing that it isn't a big deal to you. That's the biggest stigma destroyer. How you've managed your life despite getting herpes.

 

BINGO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

AND

 

We have to realize, not everyone has had a relatively "easy" ride with H... yes, 80% never have recognizable symptoms, and of the remaining 20% H is often just a nuisance issue. But there ARE a few (I'm guessing only a few % ) like @2legit2quit, who have struggled daily with their symptoms for a year or more.... and IMO the reason we do everything we can to protect and inform a new partner is so they hopefully don't become part of that statistic.... if everyone were like the 80%, H also wouldn't have the emotional power that it has, but those few whose photos make the front page of Google Images are the ones who also feed the stigma because people believe that's how it is for everyone.

 

So all we can do is to help people see that *most* of us have pretty normal lives with H... AND let them know that they might be that one person who could struggle with it more ... then if something DOES happen and they are that one unlucky person, they know they made an informed choice.... and yes, you are right HH ... finding that fine line between too much and too little is one of the hardest parts of dating/relationships. Like I said, for me, it's not about sugar or salt coating.... it's just plain about giving facts, then giving analogies to put the facts into perspective.

 

One thing I do tell people is that at least I KNOW I have it ... so I can do everything that I can to protect my partners...unlike the 80% who don't know they have it...point being likely they have already been with people with H (if they are into casual sex, it's pretty certain they have esp if they don't use condoms and have a STD conversation). And unless THEY insist on the STD conversation and they wait 4 months to have sex (after both get tested) the odds are they will be exposed to H in the future, likely with someone who either chooses to not disclose or who doesn't know. That's TRUTH. And those who walk away after that reality are likely better off away from me because *if* they caught it likely they would not be "nice" about it and I'd never hear the end of it!

 

Unprotected sex is rampant right now.

 

Agreed... now that HIV is basically controllable people have started to drop the cautions they used after it came on the scene in the 60's.

 

What blows my mind is the men who put ALL the burden of Birth Control on the woman (ie, forget about STD's) then bitch when they become a Baby Daddy ... and that shit is for life too.... but that's a whole 'nuther debate

 

I'm betting that we are going to see an even larger increase in genital HSV diagnosis in the very near future- like exponentially larger.

 

Agree with you there too...though we are doing our darndest here to slow that increase down :)

 

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I don't think it's the pictures that do the work of making herpes scary. It's the fact that it is an std and that you can't cure it. From what I understand, it's not as big a deal in some countries but in America, where we come from puritans, it's like a Dcarlet letter kind of situation.

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Yes

 

Sorry but I have not heard of someone with Ghsv1 transmitting GHSV1while being on Valtrex and condoms. Where did you see that information?

 

It would be very, VERY rare, but like any other statistic, even if something has .00000001% chance of happening, that still means that there IS a chance of *it* (whatever it is) happening ... and given how many people have GHSV1, and how many people are out there having sex every day, well, I would never discount the fact that it *could* happen .... even with the low odds. All you need is a "perfect storm" situation where the person forgets a pill or two, and they drink a lot (and that's their trigger) and shaved that morning (which can be a trigger) and had rough sex the day before (which could be a trigger) etc etc etc ... and then the other person has a rub from the rough sex the day before, etc...and that one really low risk becomes the one person in hundreds of thousands who gets it. ...

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