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hippyherpy

Valtrex Daily + Condoms = Do I Really Need to Disclose?

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I'd think that if such a small percentage of those taking meds and using condoms passed on herpes, there would be a lot more examination into why.

 

It's such an anomaly that there might be some explinations for why 1/233 or whatever it was passed the virus along.

 

I wouldn't be surprised if it was user error. I'm very skeptical of it just being "bad luck". There's got to be an explanation of why tiny amount of people, out of thousands passed it on.

 

This is very important, because if is due to user error, then we can't base our stats on a few bad eggs who did not put a condom on right, possibly fingering or touching genitals with hands that have touched infected genitals, or accidentally skipping a day of taking meds or whatever. I doubt these tests were done in a lab where they had lab technicians making sure protocol was followed perfectly. We have to just go by the word of mouth of the test subjects that they did everything correctly. Who are these people who transmitted using meds an condums in the test?

 

Also- if it is the case of user error, I think those of us who take meds every day and use condoms shouldn't have to disclose unless we are having unprotected intercourse. And since transmission from genital to mouth of HSV 2 is essentially non-existent, that shouldn't be an issue either.

 

I'm all for disclosing if I have to, but I'd rather not have to if I don't, especially if it's based on a few out of thousands of people who don't know how to put a condom on right or are lying about following procedure or whatever.

 

Yes, I know condoms can break.. still something seems off about the statistics.

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@hippyherpy I am on antivirals, I am always active... Use condoms w me, w me on antivirals, there's a high probability I would pass it. Condoms only cover a very tiny area put of the entire boxer region that the virus can shed, so I don't agree w you that it would be from user error and so hard to spread. The condom doesn't even cover the base of the penis or scrotum. . W that said, we've had this convo w you before. What is it you are looking for, since we are revisiting this again? I think you made it very clear what your opinion is, you don't feel like you should have to disclose. ..we've explained numerous times no matter the scenarios you come up w, you still have responsibilities to disclose. This stance is and never will change w us. You don't agree w us, continue to debate this w us, we never change our answers, you're never going to agree w us. Why do you need to hear it from us that you don't need to disclose? You don't think you should have to. We think you do. Why do you want us to tell you that you don't need to? You're questioning statistics that researches have done the studies on and you've not done and you are trying to dispute their numbers, not being an expert.

 

You told someone to stop whining about having herpes this week, it's not a big deal and to get over it. According to you, it's not impacted your ability to get laid, but rather has assisted. So I'm going to flip the tables back on you; why can't you get over disclosing?

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I've gotten done rejections right before we were about to have sex and I know it would have happened had I not mentioned that I have herpes.

 

You sound like a very atypical case. You've got a lot of other health stuff going on.. can't be talking for everyone who has herpes based your extremely unique situation. I've already had sex with girls using condoms and Valtrex. I haven't had any break outs since my first. The girls have gotten tested, and not one has yet to tell me they got herpes.

 

You make it sound like you'd want to tell people you got this even if you didn't have it.

 

If I didn't have to tell people, I wouldn't.

 

Why do you care if I'm interested in finding answers to my questions? It's the definition of odd that 1 out of 233 would pass it on, and I want to know why that happened and why the numbers are so low. It's very significant.

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I never spoke for everyone else, but there are several people on this forum, having the same issues as myself. I used myself as an example, never used it to describe everyone else.

 

You say "You make it sound like you'd want to tell people you got this even if you didn't have it." That doesn't even make sense. Why would I tell people I have herpes, if I don't have herpe? Never did before, prior to my diagnosis, because I knew I didn't have it through testing. . I think you're taking my notion of honesty and twisting it to sound bad, because it's not something you agree w. It's rather silly to say such a thing about me.

 

You're not answering my question. We've been over the same arguments w you time and time again and our answers never change. You don't agree that you should have to disclose. Why do you want to hear myself and/or @wcadancer2010 to absolve you of responsibility to disclose and say "yes, you're right.. You shouldn't have to disclose?"

 

We've answered this question like 50xs already. I care because I'm one of the main supporters on this page. When Dancer and Adrial are going offline or won't be available for sometime, it is me who they add to their group private conversation to share this w, so that I'm aware and can fill in the gap, along w checking the forum more frequently, when they're not as readily available. So of course I care. I'm here to provide support and Dancer and Adrial rely on me to do so, when they are out of pocket.

 

I'd love to answer that question why it took so long for you to not get it, but there's no telling. As Dancer told you a few comments above, you just got lucky buddy. I didn't get lucky . most on here that are coming on here, had sex one time w soneone and got it. You forget, it is harder to pass to a male, than it is a female. That is why 1-4 females have it and only 1 in 8 men have it. Are there some women w some high numbers out there if partners like some men? Of Course, but on average, men have slept w significantly more people than women have and the reason double the females have it, along w us being more susceptible to it than men. Your anatomy makes it harder to spread to you from a female, but it's easier for a male to spread to a female, due to Our anatomy.

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This chart says it's higher chance transmitting from male to female, so that doesn't make sense with what you just posted. https://herpesopportunity.com/downloads/herpes-opportunity-disclosure-handout.pdf

 

At what point would it be ok for you not to disclose? What percentage of people would have to have HSV 2 for you to say it's ok? If 90% had HSV 2, like what is the case for HSV 1, then the laws would be different about disclosure for HSV 2.

 

To me that would mean that they only we have to disclose has to do with the percentages of people who are infected, not the actual virus itself.

 

I do disclose, and I've had successes. But I've also had rejections that were based on disclosing. If those rejections are based on a false stigma, or false stats.. well, that doesn't sit well with me.

 

And if it's the case that my non-fatal, generally non-problematic virus has an almost impossible transmission rate because of the precautions I take, that matters too.

 

I'm starting to think that maybe we can't make generalizations about transmission. Especially since, as you've noted, this thing seems to work differently in different people. For example, I'm pretty sure that your rate of transmission would be a lot higher than my based on what've you said. Maybe a great deal different. Maybe even as big as the supposed difference between HSV 1 and HSV 2 transmission rates. Maybe even bigger.

 

And it would make sense that the people who have it really bad are going to come to this website. Not saying that there experience is irrelevant, but it might be different enough from mine to be significant.

 

 

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Lol.... I said that the risk is higher transmitting from Male to female. You have a higher risk of passing it to a female, than a female has, passing it to a male.

 

I said: "You forget, it is harder to pass to a male, than it is a female." That's me saying it is harder for a female to pass to a male, than it is for a male to pass to a female. Sometimes reading things more than once, helps to sort through what that person is trying to convey. My follow up statements make it very clear that I'm stating that an infected male has a higher chance of passing it to a female, than an infected female has passing it to a male.

 

You can't predict that laws would change if more had it. That's an assumption. The point of me not disclosing, would be when we had a cure. W that said, the scenario's you are mentioning are not reality and in our life time are not going to happen, so why bother w hypotheticals? It serves no purpose to the current state of our reality as it is today.

 

Absolutely! I agree! You're low risk, I however am not. Here's one factor that plays in this though for people symptomatic or not. Most casual hookups happen, after drinking a good bit of alcohol. What does alcohol do to our immune system? It lowers it significantly, which means it ups the risk for viral shedding during that period of time, vs had you not been drinking.

 

The majority who come to this site, have herpes under control like you do, so the statistics provided in this site applies to you the same. Just because you don't see yourself having an OB, doesn't mean you're not shedding virus and you're forgetting that piece. In studies, it is duly noted those who are asymptomatic or like 5obs or less a year, those shedding rates apply. Those like myself, the shedding rates would be higher.

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Actually, shedding rates are not necessarily totally correlated with your symptoms. You could be asymptomatic and shed just as much as someone having lots of symptoms.

 

The bottom line is: YOU JUST DON'T KNOW WHEN - OR WHERE EXACTLY - YOU *MIGHT* BE SHEDDING. And for that reason, and that reason alone, even with condoms and meds, we disclose. Pure and simple.

 

@herryherpy -

 

I already tried to tell you we are spending FAR too much time going over the SAME arguments with you on here. If you really need to get validation for your POV, then please find another forum.

 

@2legit and I really need to put our attention towards those who are struggling with their symptoms and/or diagnosis. I can tell you that we won't be changing our stance on here. So please, PLEASE, unless you are bringing something totally new to the table, can we please close this discussion?

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Interesting topic... I have a question to add: if the herpes you have is mild barely any symptoms does that mean if the person you give it to will have it mild as well or it depends on everyones body and how it reacts to the virus? I'm only asking because I don't know how long I've had herpes and I'm starting to wonder if it has been years if there are other people out there I've infected and maybe they have no idea because my case was so mild?

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Not to beat a dead horse, but I read through the first few pages. I totally get where you're coming from hippyherpy. Most sex is casual, which then translate into FWBs situations, and that was that. When you're a good looking dude who can go out and regularly find a willing participant for a night of fun H definitely killed that, haha.

 

Anyway - I found out for me I have to just be honest. Only way I'm comfortable with it. I've told girls at the bar, and maybe we just go back to their place and cuddle/sleep and might end up sleeping together down the line, or we get back to their place, and it's time to "rumble," and they then disclose that they have HSV-1 themselves, or maybe HPV, etc.,.

 

It's definitely not like it used to be but you can still go out and have fun. I also realized since I'd always maintained a level of respect/friendship with my "regulars" that many of them were cool with still hooking up, just with condoms.

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My PCP said this regarding disclosure..

 

If you use condoms and take daily meds, to not disclose with one night stands, and to only disclose if the relationship progresses or you and your partner decide to not use condoms.

 

The idea being that's why people use condoms in the first place and on a one night stand, the person knows that.

 

Both my PCP and Urologist also said that it's really almost impossible to transmit when I don't have a breakout especially since I'm using meds.

 

Interesting..

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Hey man, welcome back! ;) Well, we could go in circles about objective morality ... what's right or wrong and level of risk vs. level of commitment/time/emotional involvement ... (not to mention putting yourself at risk for getting what they might have and adding to your STD collection) ;)

 

But what it comes down to is how you *feel* about not telling someone — especially if you were to find out you passed herpes. (And yeah, I know you've said before it doesn't bother you to not disclose. Even though you've been doing an awesome job disclosing, with some awesome outcomes, I might add!) I imagine there are plenty of people who could help build your case around not disclosing with casual sex. But I know that regardless of whether it were a one-night stand or not, my conscience and integrity would jump all over me if I didn't disclose. A good conscience tends to do that. (And I know you got one of those.) Putting a fellow human being at risk of getting a stigmatized STD just further compounds the stigma that shouldn't be there in the first place. Avoiding talking about safer sex — regardless of the circumstances — just makes stigma worse, unfortunately. Ultimately in all our discussions with you, it all comes back to one thing: we are both wanting to protect you and your future partners from future pain if and when you pass herpes without being upfront and honest. And it's always your choice what you want to do.


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