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The Girl of His Dreams Has an STD


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Maybe its too soon to speak up about this. Maybe it will jinx everything. But I must take that risk for those who are feeling alone.

 

I suppose I will start here. When we all were given our diagnosis and the follow up phone call confirming the diagnosis, I am almost positive we all asked ourselves the same questions; "How am I going to live with this secret?", "How can I walk around and pretend nothing has happened to me?", "Who can I talk to about this?". But I'm even more positive that the most important question we asked ourselves that day and almost every day after that was this; "Who will ever accept me this way? Who could ever see past this mediocre flaw and actually see ME? Who will ever love me after this?" And if you didn't think this after you were given your diagnosis, well, I guess that just makes me a giddy school girl who dreams of her wedding and a family more than anything. But in that off chance you are just like me, I have a lovely story to share with you if you're willing to stick around.

 

In any case, I'm not quite sure where to begin. Maybe I will just begin with the reason I disclosed my big bad unbearable secret. As a human being I am very empathetic and compassionate. There are very few malicious thoughts that ever cross my mind. When I was diagnosed, I decided that full disclosure was the only way I would deal with this lowly demon. Somewhere along the line, Someone wasn't truthful with another person and I unfortunately became a product of that. I knew of the pain I felt and most of all the humiliation. I swore that I would never do that to another person. I promised myself that anyone I became interested in would make any decision in a relationship with me. Anything and everything would be up to them, at my discretion of course.

 

A young man sat before me and started sharing some pretty deep secrets. Secrets he said he had never shared with anyone else before. Now, I know you must be wondering what these secrets were but that is not the story I am here to tell. Though these secrets may have been a big deal to his peers, they did not top the weight I was about to unload on him. Believe me when I say I did not plan on telling him anything that night. It had never even crossed my mind in all honesty. His honesty and his beautiful secrets were what lead me to tell him mine.

 

Feeling the way I had when I was diagnosed and then hearing what he had to tell me all lead to my confession. I had come to the conclusion that in order to be able to move forward, I had to tell him. It began with, "I need to share something with you, I was going to wait but after everything you've said I believe its only right." At this point he began asking me what it was I needed to tell him. I continued, "Before I say anything, all I ask is for you to hear me out, I have been diagnosed with herpes." Here is where I began telling hi my sob story and in telling so, I began to cry.

 

He pulled me and told me not to cry. He said he was sorry for what this last a*****e had done to me an that I didn't ask for any of this, that it wasn't my fault. He looked me in the eye and told me that he wouldn't let something so small change is feelings for me. That he had enough friends and he knew we would be so much more than that.

 

I digress...

 

I urge you all, in this moment, to think of your life in the grand population of your city, now your country, the world, and now the universe. What you are going through now is so minuscule, in no way am I belittling the situation. I simply mean that you can conquer this. That this does not need to be your whole life. This does not need to define who you are. You will LIVE. There will be hardships as in life there always are but how you choose to work through them is what will define you. Not this disease. Someone will love you passed this, someone will grow to love this flaw as a part of you.

The Greeks once believed that humans were born with two heads, four arms, legs, eyes, and two noses. Zeus feared the power they held so he split them in two, condemning them to a life searching for their other half. You don't have to believe this and I'm not saying that I do but it sure is a lovely idea. Maybe your other half is out there. But before you can conquer your confession be sure you accept yourself again before you expect someone else to.

 

I would love to offer any support I can to those who need it. Please comment if you have anything positive to say. Nothing negative, we should be empowering each other. With that being said I would like you all to remember throughout your everyday life that every person you come across is fighting their own battle just like you and myself. And because I have your attention I beg you to treat each other with kindness.

 

Thank You for reading, I hope I gave someone a ray of positivity somewhere out there.

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Thank you so much for sharing! Very beautifully written. It did help me, a recently diagnosed newbie, to read that. I have been coming on here for a few minutes daily to continue my research and to read uplifting stories like this. Right now I'm taking it day by day and trying to learn my body all over again so that I can just have the least amount of OBs possible bc I am not currently seeing anyone. But once I start to date someone I'm sure I will be on here all the time, looking for and asking for advice. I don't really know what I'm dealing with yet but I am open to talk to and comfort anyone who needs it just as you are trying to do. Thank you so much for that post! I will try to keep it in mind when I reach that next hurdle!

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  • 4 months later...

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