The Ladies' Man's Disclosure Success Thread

[WCSDancer2010]

Supposedly, a bush of pubes can help reduce transmission. Maybe all y'all herpettes should keep a plump bush down there if you are worried about passing it on.

 

Also, the part where the condom is protecting won't pass it on, right? So, technically if I don't go all the way in, and I'm wearing a condom, then the risk is reduced even more than if we are grinding, correct?

 

What if I touch my dick with my hand and then go to put on a condom with that hand? What is the risk at that point?

 

For example, if I touch my dick with the hand and then finger the girl- what's the risk?

 

What about washing the dick before sex- would that reduce risk?

 

Yes there is a school of thought that believes that being unshaven reduces risk... which makes sense. For one thing, shaving often causes micro-knicks/rashes that can cause the virus to flare/allow the virus in to a non H person. The hair also keeps you from having as much skin on skin contact.... so it's certainly worth considering...but our current culture is pretty pro-shaving so that may be a hard one to get folks to do.

 

If you have SUSTAINED rubbing/contact with your genitals there's a *possibility* that you might have enough to pass on but not likely, esp as you are on antivirals, unless you are having an active OB. A more casual contact with yourself is unlikely to have enough virus to pass it on. Just as it takes millions of sperm in an ejaculate to get a woman pregnant, it takes a reasonable "dose" of the virus for it to manage to overwhelm the other person's immune system enough to pass it on. This is why people can be with a H+ person and not get it. Odds are the person was shedding at least *some* virus, but not enough to pass it on unless the other person's immune function is shot.... another time they may be shedding a lot, but not enough for an OB, but enough to pass it on especially if there's sustained grinding that causes micro tears, or the person has a rash, or whatever.

 

Certainly washing thoroughly right beforehand won't hurt.

 

As for the girl saying she needed a few more shots... perhaps you can gently try to dissuade them from doing that ... tell them you WANT them to make a clear headed choice....I bet most will find that VERY hot AND will thank you for that afterwards :)

[hippyherpy]

Yeah- she drank the last of my tequilla! It was all good because we hung out the next day. She doesn't want to get and I don't want to give herpes. I do what I can to keep the risk very low.

 

Another girl I had hung out with told her doctor my situation with the meds etc. because she wants to hang out with me again. She said the doctor almost got mad at her or frustrated because she said the risk was so low that she'd get it from me.

[WCSDancer2010]

"She said the doctor almost got mad at her or frustrated because she said the risk was so low that she'd get it from me."

 

Sorry - don't understand what the Dr was upset about. Were they saying she should sleep with you or that she was silly for being concerned?

[hippyherpy]

Yes.

[hippyherpy]

Another Herpes hook-up success.

 

Met a woman on Tinder. Exchanged numbers. We got to the point pretty quickly over text about hooking up. Spoke on the phone for a bit. Then disclosed over text that I had herpes and that I'm taking suppress meds as well as condoms and the risk goes down to like 99% impossible she'd get it.

 

She seemed cool with it and invited me over.

[2Legit2Quit]

Well, 98% in your case

[whitedaisies]

That's awesome you are having so many successful disclosures.

 

I am just entering the world of on line dating and it's scary. I can't imagine disclosing. And I am also worried I can get sthng else like hepatitis or hiv or hsv2. I have hsv1 and it ruined my body. I am petrified to get anything else.

 

Anyway glad you are having successes. I hope I do too. I am just hoping for one success as I am looking for a long term partner.

[hippyherpy]

Once again I disclosed and had success. Beautiful Eastern European girl didn't seem to care as long as we used condoms.

[2Legit2Quit]

Congrats!

[Carlover]

I am so glad for you that you are having such success. Coming from a female I think your very lucky. I myself have not had very much success with disclosing. Good luck to you.

[hippyherpy]

I don't think luck has anything to do with it. I've posted my successes here to prove that you can do it, but I've had my fair share of rejections.

[hippyherpy]

Had another successful disclosure, and a couple of herpes related rejections in between.

 

This last success, a beautiful blonde, we were about to have sex and I told her I had herpes. Instead of asking "how do you feel about that" I asked her what she knew about it.. like "do you know anything about that?"

 

The reason I asked that is that there is so much confusion about herpes, I don't think it makes sense to ask someone how they feel about it unless they understand the risk.

 

I told her what was up- that I don't get breakouts and take the pill and condoms etc. and that oral sex was even safer.

 

We had had a few drinks, but we weren't wasted, and were able to have a small discussion about it. She thanked me for telling her- I could have easily not done this, and a lot of people do. She said she didn't really know anything about herpes.

 

Part of me was thinking that maybe I should explain more about it, but then I decided not to get into it too much. I disclosed. I explained to her the risk of getting it from me. She seemed cool with it.

 

It's strange that she didn't know about the stigma, but maybe that's for the better. Maybe, attitudes are changing in general with regards to herpes. If this girl didn't know too much about it, then it clearly wasn't a big deal in her life as far as getting scared goes.

[2Legit2Quit]

How old was she? Wonder if age plays a part into it.

[hippyherpy]

She's 21 so yeah probably.

[2Legit2Quit]

Yeah, I can see that, but we do have people if all ages who are pretty ignorant to it. It's really a shame how poor our sexual education is on this.

[WCSDancer2010]

This last success, a beautiful blonde, we were about to have sex and I told her I had herpes. Instead of asking "how do you feel about that" I asked her what she knew about it.. like "do you know anything about that?"

 

The reason I asked that is that there is so much confusion about herpes, I don't think it makes sense to ask someone how they feel about it unless they understand the risk.

 

Ahhh Grasshopper, you are growing! Sounds like you are developing a reasonably fair "disclosure patter" for your lifestyle. I agree, if someone is into casual sex, there's at least *some* responsibility for them to be educated about how to protect their sexual health. And hopefully when she went away she may stop and consider that *perhaps* she needs to get educated.... one thing you may want to mention (as a PSA of sorts) it that most people have not been tested, which likely includes THEM ... and that they need to ask specifically for the test in the future when they do their STD testing :)

 

 

[hippyherpy]

I think it's more a trust thing- she trusts me to the point where she assumes that what I'm telling is true, even if she doesn't know the stats.

 

It's the trust aspect that makes it successful in my opinion. The act of disclosing builds trust in itself.

[whitedaisies]

@hippyherpy how do you know people are disclosing to you? With casual sex I assume it's a brief discussion of stds. I just wonder if you are worried to get hiv or hepatitis. I worry about getting something worse and that someone isn't disclosing to me or maybe doesn't know they have it. Wanted your opinion. Thanks

[WCSDancer2010]

@hippyherpy how do you know people are disclosing to you? With casual sex I assume it's a brief discussion of stds. I just wonder if you are worried to get hiv or hepatitis. I worry about getting something worse and that someone isn't disclosing to me or maybe doesn't know they have it. Wanted your opinion. Thanks

 

^^^^^^^^^^^^ VERY legitimate question .... because you can bet yer ass that there are plenty of carriers of Hep C who are ignorant ... never mind HIV .... that said, if you are into casual sex you gotta know you are ALWAYS at risk of getting STD's... no matter what you do to protect yourself .... unless you are both into covering everything in saran wrap...LOL

[hippyherpy]

Lately I've been asking all of my partners if they are clean or if they got tested recently. You can never know for sure, but I think it's important to bring it up. You might get an answer like "I'm totally clean I recently got tested" or maybe something else to give you a better sense of where they are at with regards to STDs.

 

Also, you can tell by behavior. If some people insist on condoms or don't want to swallow during oral sex.

 

It's true that you can't protect from everything. I'm being extra cautious these days now that I have herpes.

 

The only way I'll have unprotected sex is if I know the girl for a while, and know that she's clean and am confident that she's not booking up with anyone else.

 

It sucks for me because I like very much to go raw. That's probably how I got herpes in the first place- raw dogging a lot strangers.

 

 

I actually don't know much about hep c. I should do some research on it. Any links helpful links y'all have on hep c is would be appreciated.

[WCSDancer2010]

Also, you can tell by behavior. If some people insist on condoms or don't want to swallow during oral sex.

 

Uh - that is how *most* people get STD's .... they think they can "tell" who is likely to be clean or telling the truth. True, if they want to use condoms, that tells you they are at least *trying* to use sense, but it doesn't mean they are SMART about who THEY hook up with. And many women will (sadly) cave and go raw if the guy insists.

 

As for not swallowing during oral ... odds are once the fluid is in the mouth, if they have ANY gum issues, they will already be infected whether they swallow or not ... THAT is what I mean by not taking their behavior as a way to "tell" if they are safe or not... because I bet they aren't even *thinking* about the issue of getting it through ANY small issue in the gums.

 

I always start with the CDC and Mayo clinic for medical info then go on from there:

 

http://www.cdc.gov/hepatitis/hcv/cfaq.htm

 

or

 

http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/hepatitis-c/basics/definition/con-20030618

 

[2Legit2Quit]

I don't think swallowing has anything to do w it. I think some girls, such as myself, are utterly disgusted by the texture and forcing ourselves to swallow it. I prefer to spit it out . lol.. It's icky tasting and the texture is gross too.

[WCSDancer2010]

The thing is, *some* girls think that's how you "keep safe" with oral ... which is absolutely NOT accurate ... so it's not a good gauge of whether they are trustable as far as their STD status.... if that's what they believe about oral, odds are they have no clue about many of the other STD.s and how they can get them :(

[hippyherpy]

All of that is true and good to consider, but I think that something like herpes presents a particular problem as far as status goes because. as far as I know, it rarely gets tested for.

 

Whereas HIV gets tested often when people go for STD tests, herpes doesn't.

 

That's why I'm not too worried about getting HIV. Even though my chances would be 3x higher of getting it now if I came in contact with it, I'm using condoms now which greatly reduced the risk oh HIV transmission, and from what I know, transmission of HIV from the mouth of an infected partner via oral sex is super rare.. even with herpes on the genitals of receiving partner.

 

Of course, I could be wrong on this..

 

Also, I checked out that link and looked around online for info in Hep C.. it seems to be much much more rare than something like herpes, is not easier to get of you have herpes, and not easy to get via sexual intercourse in general either. Not saying it first exist, but it's most been transmitted through needle sharing.

 

Condoms are supposed to completely block it as well. From what I've read, it seems like having herpes can only really increase your chances of getting hep c if the infected partner has a breakout with ulcerative blistering present.

[hippyherpy]

Also, I've been trying to get clear on something- is it only at the site of the herpes breakout that HIV becomes 3x more likely to transmit.. like the area where the blisters where? Or is it "anywhere in the boxer shorts area"?