The Ladies' Man's Disclosure Success Thread

[2Legit2Quit]

It's more prone to be where someone has had obs, because that's where the CDR 4 & 8 T immune cells, which fight off herpes, reside on the skin. Those are the cells that HIV infects and people w out H, don't have these cells present on the skin, but those of us w H can. May I ask if you have anxiety at all @hippyherpy?

[hippyherpy]

Not that I know of haha why do you ask?

 

I just want to get the facts cleared up.

 

I wonder if it's only herpes that raises those cells in that area or if you get any other STDs or skin conditions like excema that can do it too.

[whitedaisies]

When are they going to come up with sthng new to fight this virus. It's ridiculous.

 

Eczema likely increases risk if h have it in the boxer short area due to breaks in your skin that the virus can pass through. Don't know if other stds increase the risk but I would think if your immune system is lowered bc of other stds then it theoretically would increase risk. But likely not through the same methods as herpes.

[2Legit2Quit]

Hahaha.... Because there's things you do w researching and needing answers a lot and over and over, that seems a bit OCD, because I'm the same way. So it just stands out to me, that it may be anxiety and I don't mean any if this negatively. Was just curious if you had anxiety or had ever thought about if you did. Like do you find yourself doing repetitive behaviors, stuff like that?

 

Just herpes causes those cells, from what I know of.

[hippyherpy]

I'm a little OCD yes I want to have the best best knowledge on this topic.

[2Legit2Quit]

Lol.. Ok.. Well OCD is derived from anxiety... So yeah, I felt I picked up on it, because I can be like you on focusing nonstop in something. I totally get it. :-)

[hippyherpy]

Recently had another successful casual sex disclosure off of Tinder. She made it clear she was down for sex over text, and then I disclosed over text. She thanked me for being up front and honest and said it was very cool that I brought it up.. she went on to say that a lot of people have herpes these days. We had sex.

 

My experience so far has been that there are rejections but it's not impossible to have a somewhat consistent casual sex life with herpes disclosure. If there are other people with similar experiences reading this, feel free to add them to this thread.

[2Legit2Quit]

@herpaderp @hippyherpy as you can see above, has had many successful disclosures and they were just for casual sex. Feel free to pick his brain for your upcoming disclosure. I know it's always more reassuring to hear from the same sex and their experience . he's pretty much got this down packed like a pro.

 

Hey HH, did your OB clear up BTW?

[hippyherpy]

I don't know if it was an outbreak.. there were no legions or puss bubbles. It might be that I'm now alergic to that protein powder for some reason.. like maybe the herpes made me allergic or something because ever since I got herpes and I take that protein, I get the subtle white-ish blotch on my forehead. I think I had prodromes, but they weren't obvious and I know I can get paranoid about that kind of thing. Started feeling tension in my by toe.. I think that's a prodrome? Anyway, that stuff all went away last week when I gave the protein a rest.

 

I'm going to try the protein powder again next week and see what happens. It's hard to tell.. having herpes is almost like having had bed bugs because anytime you think there's some little inkling of them biting you, you might get paranoid that it's BBs or prodromes

 

Also, if you drink booze frequently it can do weird things to your nervous system regardless of herpes, and make things happen on your skin that might look like herpes or even bed bug bites a little. Not talking about genitals, but on the arms etc.

 

I think that a lot of successes I'm having are due to my overall vibe that maybe these girls trust me enough, which is good. Either that, or they know the info on herpes and aren't victims of the stigma/fear machine.

 

I haven't had to really "convince" too many girls. There were a couple so far that were a little freaked out, but I think the fact that I wasn't helped them realize it's not as big a deal as it's made out to be in general.

 

Of course there were some rejections due to it, but those girls don't realize that if they keep up what they are doing, sleeping around with people they don't know, there isn't a low probability that they won't get it, and a very high probability that they will or have slept with someone who does have herpes. Not saying that they sleep with everyone, but I bet they sleep around a lot heheh

 

Also, I've checked in with girls who I hooked up with a few months back right at the time of OB.. like as soon as the sores healed.. girls who I disclosed too. None of them have reported that they've received herpes from me.

 

I know that not everyone is the same with regards to transmission, but I do take Valtrex every day as well as lysine pills because even though they aren't proven to do anything, I'm being extra cautious.

 

I'm confident that the chances of me passing it on are very low. I'm more worried about catching something now because of all that stuff we talked about with regards to HIV being three times more likely. I want to know if those cd4 T cells will go away after a while.

 

It's strange to be the one with the STD and being more worried about the other person giving me something than the reverse.

[2Legit2Quit]

Hun, recurrents don't really look like that anymore that's just sometimes the primary. Mine are only ever dry red bumps now.

 

When allergic to something you digest, you would have broke out in severe hives and been itching all over your body. I had to go to the ER over onrone pomegranate seed.

 

Make sure you document your symptoms and possible triggers, w the dates, so you can get a better idea.

 

Hey, I never slept around and had it once in two yrs and got it, so yeah, those girls are absolutely upping the risk the more partners you have.

 

That was very conscientious of you to call and check in w them! Look at you!? Impressive.

 

HIV is still pretty rare to come into contact w, so I wouldn't worry about that, buy always use condoms. If you're not going to,then you need to have that person tested. What you're not protected against completely either condoms and is WAAAYY more prevalent than herpes and any other STDS, is HPV. Just keep that in mind. Hahaha! Me too! That's because we don't wanna go through this process again!

[WCSDancer2010]

Actually, I used to get pretty nasty lesions for the first 10 yrs I had H ... so it's not just the primary one that can have open, weeping wounds and such.

 

As for the protein shake - it's not likely an allergy, but it *may* have a lot of arginine in it ... a lot of body building supplements and the like have it in them.

[hippyherpy]

Also it's a got a lot more lysine than arginine. So much that you'd think it would be good to take because supposedly it's the ratio of A to L that matters.

 

Yes I have to let my raw dogging ways go away for now. It's crazy that I didn't get anything for so long.

[2Legit2Quit]

That's why I said "sometimes" , just the primary. Lol

[al]

That's cool man. I had 1 good disclosure story. The relationship was strictly ssexual, it lasted about 2 or 3 months but i had to cut it off with her cause she was getting to attached, and i didnt wanna hurt her feelings. I was just going through a divorce and wasn't at all ready for a relationship. She understood and were good friends now. But ive had no such luck ever since her tho lol.

[2Legit2Quit]

@al you've had no luck disclosing since her?

[hippyherpy]

I think it's important to be able differentiate if it's the herpes that's cockblocking you or something else. As you can see from experience so far on this thread, it is possible to over come stigma related herpes blocks.

[2Legit2Quit]

Good point HH

[al]

@ 2Lefit2Quit nope not at all bro. I actually got shut down like a week or 2 ago. And we were hitting it off real good, but i felt like i had to tell her so i did. Than she completely switched up on me and made it seem like i caught feelings way too fast. So i just let it go.

[2Legit2Quit]

@al I addressed this in another post, as to why I believe you are being rejected and reading this post of yours, kind if solidifies my thoughts. You are coming on too strong and as needy likely.

[hippyherpy]

Did it again.

 

European girl who is a friend of mine. We hung out and I was not even planning to have sex with her but one thing led to another and we are in my bed and babymakers are entering the scene. I tell her I'm stricken with H. nah I didn't say stricken but I gave her my schpiel as outlined in previous posts in this thread. She was down- she's on birth control and told me she don't got no stds.. I know she hasn't had sex in a while.

 

We even hit it raw at one point. Beautiful chick. Another graduate from the Halls of Herpy Hippy disclosure university! Woot!

[StillMeButWiser]

@hippyherpy What type of proten powder is it, whey or soy? Sometimes your body can develope a sensitivity to a food when too much is consumed. Lemon/citric acid was a huge one for me. Couldnt have anything with that in it including limes. Bad bad rash on face. After a year an half break I slowly reintroduced it. Another which I coulnt figure out til I got allergy tested was soy protein. Being a gym goer would consume soy proten drinks after workouts for recovery. Developed a rash on face. Went to dermotologist tried various creams and nothing helped. Finally after being tested I got my answer. Try a different type or even a bar instead shake.

[hippyherpy]

Got rejected to do herpes last night.

 

You might be asking why I'm posting it here, a thread about success.

 

I'm posting it here because even though herpes stigma cockblocked me, I wasn't torn up about it. This to me is as successful as having sex in someways.

 

I can move on to the next chick or this chick might come around.

 

What can get some people is the shock of having new information. You can explain how low the risk is, and how they might have a higher chance of getting it from some random person, and they might get that, but there is a superstition that has nothing to with logic that needs to be overcome.

 

I call it narcissism.

 

It's like people who think or fear that a UFO would come visit them. Why would a UFO come visit you? Are you really that special? So special that you'd defeat the very low odds.

 

I'm not saying that it's impossible to get herpes via sex with Valtrex and condoms, but anyone who is willing to get into a car but won't have have sex with you because of herpes is taking a hippocritical position.

 

They are so wrapped up in their solipsistic self-narrative, that they can't accept the logic of situation so fast. Everything is decided from an emotional view. This girl even recognized that and admitted it- she got freaked out and her mind went spinning on the subject. It was a little funny to watch actually.

 

Crazy thing about last night is that the girl had hsv1 oral already, and has another lover who she goes down on. She told me she was worried about having sex with me because of her having to maybe one day explain to the guy that she willingly had sex with a herpes man.

 

I had to explain to her that she's already putting the guy at risk for genital herpes.

 

Anyway, I'm getting a better understanding of how how and why some people freak out. It's very revealing moment at times.

 

Essentially, for some people who tend to over analyze, telling them you herpes can kick the brains into a dizzying overdrive. Things were going smooth and you might have just have been about to have sex and then they are introduced to a new twist.

 

Here's the gist of herpes disclosure: I've got this thing, it's not a big deal for me and for most people who have it, and the chances of you getting it from me are super low, comparable to getting into a car accident.

 

I've had some people sort of tell me, or I can see them thinking: "if it's not a big deal why did you tell me?" They are glad that I told them but also concerned that I had to tell them.

 

To this my answer is to reframe it:

 

Going forward, I will be sure to preface my disclosure in a way so as not to say "I HAVE to tell you something"

 

Here are some reframes:

 

About to have sex, like right before genitals are going to come out: "before we go any further, I want to tell you something. I have herpes. Do you know anything about that?"

 

 

The idea is that you aren't doing it because you "have" to, but because you "want" to. Truth is you don't "have" to do anything, but you chose to disclose because you want to disclose.

 

The difference is one is framed as coming from a place of fear of repercussion or whatever while the other offers more positive possibilities for why you are disclosing.

 

I believe this might help to pre-empt any anxiety that might arise from them thinking "if it isn't such a big deal, why does he have to tell me?"

 

Most people are afraid of herpes specifically because they are afraid that one day they might "have to" tell people they have it. They are afraid of rejection.

 

Now, maybe I've been lucky and had streak of disclosure successes and will hit a wall or something, but I don't think that is the case. I'm not afraid of getting rejected because I know I have other options, and have no problem exploring them.

 

I tell people I have herpes because I want to. Anyone could easily not tell their partners..

 

Let's talk about non-disclosure for a second:

 

You could take all the precautions and not tell and their risk of getting it is the same as the risk if you do tell- very low.

 

Also they could be getting it from some other "random" person.

 

It is very easy to rationalize not disclosing. When I disclose, it's because I want to. I'd rather look back and say that happened in spite of stigma. The opposite would be to look back and say I didn't tell because I was afraid of getting rejected. For me it has almost become a matter of pride to tell because I see not telling as a sign of weakness.

 

How many other people out there can say they have herpes, they tell people about it, and are still able to have have a lot of sex?

 

I'm not trying to toot my own horn, but I see that as a personal accomplishment at this point, barely half a year from my diagnosis. I hope that what I'm doing here can and will help to inspire other people in my situation. Then we can really help to put the stigma down.

 

 

In many ways herpes disclosure has become an important aspect of my sex life. I could have sex with her or not, and it doesn't have much an effect on my confidence.

 

 

--------

 

And to take it even another step forward, for those of you are thinking outside of the mortal coil.. take rejection to the extreme.. let's say you never get sex ever again because of herpes stigma. It's not going kill you to not have sex.

 

To go even further- let's say it does have some effect on your mortality.. we are all going to die anyway, so don't fear that. We were dead before we were born and we will return that when we die.

 

 

That's my ultimate zen take on the situation. Of course I'm a red blooded mortal man who definitely does have some attachments to sex so I usually defer to an abundance mentality as a source of confidence, but sometimes these kinds of zen type thoughts just mentioned can be useful as well.

[optimist]

Thanks for starting this thread. I'm female and find value in it as I'm also in more of a stage of life where casual and temporary is most appealing.

 

However, I wouldn't be comfortable disclosing this in the heat of the moment. I've been on the receiving end of that and wished I'd had more time to think it through (though it is unlikely to have been the time I contracted HSV).

 

I can relate to what you said about thinking condoms were protecting you. I think there needs to be more education around that. Maybe the issue is more wishful thinking than lack of education though. I don't know.

 

 

[hippyherpy]

Thanks for starting this thread. I'm female and find value in it as I'm also in more of a stage of life where casual and temporary is most appealing.

 

However, I wouldn't be comfortable disclosing this in the heat of the moment. I've been on the receiving end of that and wished I'd had more time to think it through (though it is unlikely to have been the time I contracted HSV).

 

I can relate to what you said about thinking condoms were protecting you. I think there needs to be more education around that. Maybe the issue is more wishful thinking than lack of education though. I don't know.

 

 

I had sex with two herpes girls before getting my own herpes. They both disclosed in the heat of the moment and I went with it. Maybe I'm not the example because I'm not like the average man in these regards.

 

[hippyherpy]

I haven't updated this for a while, and I probably won't be talking about specific instances much, but since I've lasted posted, I've had more disclosure success.

 

There have been more successes than rejections.

 

Y'all should take this as a good sign that it is possible to be winning with herpes.