The Ladies' Man's Disclosure Success Thread

[Bambina3]

@hippyherppy do your multiple girls that you have sex with know and were told you have multiple girls that you sleep with? Not in general terminology but you point blank told them

 

If so boy does it show my age..not judge mental I have my own skeltons, just a sign of the time....years ago women that openly agreed to that lacked self esteem or were unable to show emotion by becoming attached, just a fun hookup.

 

Time and tide wait for no man

[hippyherpy]

It doesn't usually come up. Some of them probably know and don't care. I have had monogamous relationships as well. I don't lie to anyone.

 

Yes, the times are changing now- women these days are very much doing the hook-up culture thing.

 

A lot HPV is getting passed around now. We saw the recent CDC thing about a big rise in STDs due to online dating. It's no joke- I'd bet that there is actually a lot more herpes out there now that hasn't been accounted for.

 

I bet If that rock was flipped over- if herpes testing was included in STD tests in general, there would be a tidal wave of newly diagnosed people.

[WCSDancer2010]

CDC reckons that ANYONE who is sexually active will get **at least** one type of HPV. Thankfully most just scare the hell out of you when your pap smear comes back with irregular cells, and it goes away with time. But it's kinda scary that they are just shrugging their shoulders and doing nothing to try to educate people :p

[hippyherpy]

Well, since I've been disclosing to girls about my herpes, they in turn disclose about their HPV. Maybe a lot of girls have always had it but don't say anything about it and now I'm hearing about it because I'm doing the H disclosure. It's like "you told me something and now I'll tell you something"

 

Again, this is the personal safety side of doing disclosure. When you got herpes, you want to know more about the other person's sexual history because of the increased risk of getting HIV.

 

I bet their doctors are just telling them not to tell about their HPV. I've had doctors tell me not to tell about my herpes unless I was getting into a relationship with someone.

 

Some say that herpes is dropping, but my gut is telling me that more and more people are going to start getting it.

[Bambina3]

Hpv was determined prevalent when they came out with the vaccine for the more dangerous strains that cause cancer cells...I had that strain, also came out in a pap...it was removed surgically...I went from a normal pap to pre cancer cells in one year...

Like others have voiced, hsv is lifetime and incurable, I'm so surprised there hasn't been more research to at least have a vaccine, testing in the standard std panel, or cure.

[optimist]

@hippyherpy - For men, the bigger risk of HPV is head and neck cancer. At any given time, it is believed 10% of men and 4% of women between the ages of 14 and 69 are infected orally with HPV, and 1% of those infections are caused by a higher risk cancer causing type of HPV. The good news is that most people clear their HPV infections within 2 years. The bad news is that there are no symptoms and no early detection screenings (like pap smears) to check for this cancer causing HPV because the typical location (crypts of the tonsils) makes it inaccessible for screening.

[hippyherpy]

They get it orally from eating pussy, correct? Or can HPV transmit to you esophagus if you get it on via your dick?

[optimist]

@hippyherpy - I believe HPV is primarily spread through intercourse and oral sex. There is some question as to whether it might be spread through kissing. Here's a relevant link: https://drjengunter.wordpress.com/2012/02/16/how-common-is-hpv-in-the-mouth-and-can-you-get-it-by-kissing/

 

Some interesting statements at that link include:

 

- HPV is ubiquitous in the genital tract. If you are a woman and you are sexually active there is a 70% chance you will have been infected by the age of 22

 

- We know oral sex is a risk factor for HPV-related head and neck cancers. If you have had oral sex with 6 or more partners your risk of head and neck cancer increases 8-fold.

 

I don't want to derail this thread getting into a big discussion about HPV but wanted to answer your question.

 

As with HSV, most people with HPV (most infected women and almost all infected men) are unaware they are infected, so it isn't necessarily a case of them choosing not to disclose. In my opinion, it should be an assumed risk with casual sex, given the prevalence, the fact that condoms only minimize risk, and the relatively small percentage of infected people who are aware of their positive status. Same goes for oral HSV1. The majority of adults have it, don't know they have it, and are capable of transmitting it to a partner's mouth or genitals.

[hippyherpy]

HPV is also "incurable" in that you can't tell if it will ever leave your body but you don't have to disclose. Hmnnn..

 

What's up with that compared to HSV genital having to disclose?

[optimist]

@hippyherpy I think most people do feel an obligation to disclose HPV but most people don't know they are infected. IMHO, the bigger discrepancy is that many people with known GHSV1 feel an obligation to disclose their positive status while many with known oral HSV1 do not, even though research suggests an uninfected sex partner is at greater risk of genital infection from the person with oral HSV1.

[MMissouri]

We recently had a set of swabs I was unfamiliar with arrive at our lab. When I questioned them I was told a patient of ours requested to be screened for HPV orally since her partner was just diagnosed with HPV caused cancer in the throat. I don't know the accuracy of this type of screening because it's not something we normally do.

 

I was HPV positive when I was 16 (the strain that causes genital warts) and I was told there was not a need to disclose once I finished the treatment (this was ages ago). And I never did. Since I've never had an abnormal pap smear after that, I'm assuming that I've cleared it.

 

So many conflicting opinions in regards to this STD/STI. Then you see people on positive singles saying they have HPV and I question whether I've been misinformed all this time. Not a good feeling.

[WCSDancer2010]

I would say with HPV if you have the strain that causes Cancer or warts and you are within the 2 yr point (ie, most HPV clears up itself in 2 yrs... or at least seems to go totally dormant from what I understand) then you should disclose and ALWAYS use condoms during that period.

 

95% of the HPV strains don't seem to do anything to harm you... if you were diagnosed with one of them, I don't see the point in disclosing given that the vast majority of people already have at least 1... as @optimist pointed out, most people will have at least 1 strain by age 22... I expect we ALL are exposed to and even carry tons of viruses that we are unaware of that don't do long term harm.

 

IMO if you have something that could potentially harm (emotionally or physically) your partner or their future partners, you should disclose. With HPV, the current thinking (that *I* have seen) is that once you are treated for the cancerous one, if it's not back in 2 yrs you are clear ... so it would only be right to make sure your partner doesn't get exposed to that while you are under treatment. Or at least give them the option.

 

AND... you guys won't know if you have it unless you have the warts version unless you come up with the cancer sometime later in life.... so just assume that if you love giving oral, and you have multiple partners, just like with HSV1oral, odds are you are being exposed to HPV and odds are most carriers are totally unaware that they have it... and it's a risk you live with.

 

AND .. this is what I plan to address once I have time to focus on a campaign... making people aware of the risks. .. so they make smarter (or at least more educated!) choices when it comes to having sex...

[hippyherpy]

I've read a lot of places saying that condoms do not protect against HPV.

 

 

[WCSDancer2010]

It won't protect from Genital Warts as they are usually esternal - but most women get the cancerous one on the cervix... so I'd say they will be more useful for some strains than others... and like Herpes, they will at least slow down the spread depending on where the person has it ....

[hippyherpy]

Had another disclosure casual sex success. Met this European girl at a bar, we were drinking a lot and were about to have sex. I told her I had herpes and explained that I take a pill to reduce any risk.

 

She was a little concerned looking, but then said something like "ok but we have to use a condom" and that's what we did. She didn't need an extended talk on numbers and all the statistics.

 

 

[Ogmb]

Dude...where are you that you constantly are meeting European women? Haha

 

Thanks for the replies above I will check out the links and information, a lot there.

 

Keep up the good work

[hippyherpy]

I meet them on the street, in bars, online. It's not that I'm just looking for Euro girls, just been a lot around lately. I like American girls too, with their gung-ho attitudes and yolo insanity haha They can be fun.

[Ogmb]

I was curious what city/area you were in. The midsized one I'm in has a distinct lack of foreign women. I can't travel like I used to and miss interacting with women of different cultures.

[Bambina3]

Foreign or local, I'm just amazed at how active some above are with so many

I suppose there are lots out there that are open minded, not so much where i live

[hippyherpy]

I had another one that was a success. From Tinder.

 

My experience with disclosure has been really nothing like a horror story at all that people might be afraid of. Almost all the girls I've disclosed to have been ok with it and they thank me for telling them.

 

I'm learning from this that in addition to my own exprience with herpes symptoms as well as others personal experiences, the actual stigma of herpes isn't as bad as I might have thought and people don't seem to care that much about in general.

 

 

I do take meds everyday so that probably has a lot to do with my symptoms not being anything of great note. It's just cold sores, but it will happen on my dong. Ok. I think having sex and fun is worth it.

[aep001]

Thanks again @hippyherpy for this thread. I think a lot of men are comforted by it.

 

One call to action: are there any other guys out there with successful one-night stand disclosure stories? Can you post them here?

 

As some may know from my other thread, I did not have so much success on my first try and am still majorly down about it. I've been searching through this site for other guys' stories, and I'm sad to say I don't see any! Not that I'm not going to keep using @hippyherpy's inspiration to keep me going, but it sure would be better if others had the same success.

 

There are plenty of posts where women did fine with one-night stand disclosures. But we all know men are much more, ahem, suggestible when it comes to carnal pleasures.

[WCSDancer2010]

While I don't think these are one night stands, I have collected these over time ... perhaps they will at least give you *some* comfort for the longer term.... :)

 

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/3439/tonight-is-my-night NSgreenville (male) (READ TO THE END!!)

 

https://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/7145/i-plan-to-disclose-but-the-fact-is-heavy-on-me-any-success-stories-to-share Male success story 19 yrs

 

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/3983/successful-disclosure-male-to-female xrcb 8/12 male to female rainyfeather

 

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/6239/10-years-of-herpes-chats-male-experience

 

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/4879/when-to-disclose male to female success

 

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/5369/well-that-was-a-mess-but-success Male to female

 

https://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/7493/an-extended-nyc-herpes-disclosure-experience male to female

 

https://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/7530/33m-here-second-disclosure-second-success-feeling-well-normal Male to femal

[optimist]

@aep001 - I think what you're seeing is likely more related to the fact that more women post on this site in general, about a variety of topics. I have not noticed a pattern that suggests women are less likely to be accepting, even though their risk of contracting the virus is greater than a man's risk.

 

[hippyherpy]

I want anybody to post here about their experience with disclosure "success" (a term that, just for this thread at least, pretty much means disclosing to someone you don't know that well and it resulting in sex).

 

That said, my sense of what it means to have a "successful" disclosure has evolved since I've started this thread, but any time I post about something like "I had a success last night" or whatever, take that to mean that sex happened.

 

Speaking of which, in the space of less than a week, I have recently had three "successes" with people I had just met. I think people are getting their kicks on now that the weather is getting warmer or something.

[hippyherpy]

Another update. A lot of love going around this last werkinn the space of about one week I did four disclosures. All were accepted. Three led to sex immediately after and with the fourth.. me and the girl haven't had sex yet, but she seemed totally cool with it. I call that a successful disclosure even though we haven't had sex yet.

 

My advice to those of you who anxiety about having to do the disclosure talk is to do it often. I know that a lot of people reading this are probably not interested in leading the kind of sex life that I've described in this thread, but regardless of that, the "performance anxiety" related to the dread of having to disclose melts away of you are disclosing to potential partners often.