The Ladies' Man's Disclosure Success Thread

[GotWhat]

I put it right in my POF profile. Lotta women have been viewing and I'm getting some meet me requests. This allows me to only respond to the ones I'm attracted too. Ill browse pictures and favorite them as an opener to the ones I'm attracted too. Ive done this three times so no results yet. The women my age look like my mom but my daughter would be pissed if they were too close to her age so I'm staying in the middle. lol

I switch my profile picture often from a hard to recognize profile shot to a straight up acting head shot. The picture has text on it telling them to read my profile before they send a meet me request so if they want to meet me I assume they're ok with herp. Only been doing it a few days and I can pick the ones I want to chat up.

[hippyherpy]

I would wait until you meet with them and even then I usually do it when sex is immenant. But hey, if what you are doing is working, don't fix if it ain't broke. You might get more even more chicks of you take it out of your profile though. It's too impersonal online and also talking about sex way too early in the relationship for most girls. Like STD equivalent of sending a dick pic, sort of.

[GotWhat]

@hippyherpy Yes, you're right I took it out for that reason.I'm getting mojo back after two years out of a long term marraige. I know what I have but I'm getting a blood test so I can get the meds. Let's say they just wanna go down on that beast lol still the same way to disclose? Thanks for your help!

[hippyherpy]

So you don't officially know yet if you have it?

 

 

[GotWhat]

@hippyherpy.... good timing I was just reading some of your battles on here. lmao. Yes I know I have it PP said I needed the test to get the meds and then I can say I got tested too.

[aep001]

Hello everyone!

 

I wanted to do a nice long update with you all, because as I've stated before, I think this thread is really important for us single men out there. But I spent my whole beautiful Sunday afternoon on post here. Darn. So sorry if what's below is rushed.

 

I've been off this site for a while and have not kept up with the discussion above. Why? Because I'm loving life, leading a normal life, and having more casual sex than I've ever had before. So @hippyherpy was not lying or bragging with his successes. They are indeed possible. And he is 100% right that the herpes diagnosis can be an opportunity to up your game. After dozens of girlfriends tried to get me to have a better fashion sense, it's the H that's done it, for example. I'm so happy.

 

As physicist I wanted to give you a run down of the numbers, but again, there's no time. Suffice to say I've slept with six different women since my horrible breakup in February. That's about a different girl per month on average, which is about what I was doing pre-diagnosis.

 

But things have sped up considerably lately, as my confidence is fully back and I don't really worry about the disclosure anymore. If a girl says no (rare), I'll just move on, so that really helps your confidence.

 

By speed up I mean I have slept with three new girls in the past two weeks, and now firmly have five women on rotation, meaning I have sex literally whenever I want it. That does not include a former fling who lives in a different country. I have disclosed to her but she still wants me to book a flight to see her. So while the deal is not in the bag, it's good news.

 

Rejections: I think I remember two. The first was my first disclosure, which totally sent me back into depression. Poor timing!

 

The second wasn't really a rejection. I told her because we were moving really fast - it was our second date and we found ourselves in bed quickly becoming naked. So I told her, and she whined and said "awww! I'm so horny and I don't think I can control myself with you." So I stopped it. A few days later she told me she didn't think it was worth the risk unless we were in a serious relationship. We ended up doing oral that night, but the relationship didn't last. So I don't see that as a rejection so much as a failed relationship.

 

What's my disclosure? I've largely taken @hippyherpy's advice and kept it super simple. For random hookups I wait until clothing starts coming off (so many times I thought I was going to have sex with a girl only for something to get in the way, so there's no need to disclose until it really looks like it is going to happen), and then I slow it down.

 

"Wait," I say, "I have something I want to tell you."

"Sex is an intimate act and deserves full transparency..."

A couple of times the girl has interjected and said "I don't want to have sex tonight," or "I'm on my period" or something, at which point I can find something else to talk about. But if not...

"I have herpes."

Sometimes I see a look of "who gives a shit" in the girls eyes, at which point we hop in the sack. But if there's any hesitation I say:

"Most girls I've told don't care, but if it is a deal-breaker I understand. I've also done hundreds of hours of reading on it, so if you have any questions just let me know."

At this point it's anyone's guess. I'm either going to have a five minute discussion where I state the facts (I suppose no longer will I say "the chances of transmission are really small but nonzero" or "the chances are less than one percent" - see the post I wrote today on the other thread, linked above), we slow things down, go to sleep, and she looks it up herself, or she goes "okay" and we continue.

 

I basically have the same script for non-one-night-stands, but I bring it up a date before I plan on making moves. I've only done this once (plus the international one, but that hasn't been executed yet), and we talked a lot but in the end the woman did not care.

 

I really, really like the woman that lives in a different country, i.e. she may be marriage material. So it's nice to report that in those cases - where I have a deep, long relationship with someone - I am 1 for 1. However, we slept together before my diagnosis. I don't know what will happen if I date someone now and really, really like her. Perhaps I'll wait many dates before trying anything, and we will test the success of disclosure while pondering a long-term relationship. My guess is the success rate in that case is much higher.

 

Most women these days know it is common and not a big deal. If not, I think it is important to let people know the facts, more importantly for their education than for you getting some. This chart and this table are good ones to get some numbers from. Seeing as my partners are in their twenties or thirties, that's where I'll focus:

• Overall, 20% of women in the US have HSV-2.

• If she's black: ~40% of black females 20-29, ~60% 30-39, have it!

• If she's slept with a black guy: ~20% of black men 20-29, ~40% 30-39 have it.

• If you are with a girl that has been with more then 10 guys, there's a 37% that she has it.

 

Other things to have on your fingertips:

• 80% of people who have HSV-2 don't have noticeable symptoms (like me). It's not on your standard STD screen, so even if you think you are "clean," unless you've specifically asked (and paid) for it, you don't know.

• I'm on the medication, which decreases the risk of transmission by about half.

• (Updated from my other post today) Just knowing and disclosing is the best way to reduce the risk of transmission. Those who disclose before the first sex act have about a third the chance of transmitting than those who don't.

• I'd like to say: "Condom use reduces the risk of transmission from men to women by about 92%!" (see other post), but I'll wait for discussion to bubble up on that other post before feel confident in that number.

[hippyherpy]

My man. I give you a slap on the back.

 

I get the ball rolling and you take the baton and we are moving the goal posts back. Keep it up.

[GotWhat]

@hippyherpy@aep001 I appreciate your posts. I confirmed with a test that I am positive for 1 & 2 and got the mess. I meet a woman tomorrow from Pof. I'll disclose like its nothing then let it go.

[GotWhat]

The meds

[GotWhat]

@aep001 Are these numbers from testing random people or people that are already suspicious they might have something? My guess is that the true numbers are much higher because of all the lying and denying? For example some one suspicious they might have something but do t get checked for fear of confirmation.?

[GotWhat]

@pixy0

[chargeit2thagame]

this thread been pretty dry...whats happening with yall? lol

[Unrequited]

I don't think luck has anything to do with it. I've posted my successes here to prove that you can do it, but I've had my fair share of rejections.

 

I bet you got gene pool lottery luck from being born handsome though ;)

 

[surfsup]

@hippyherpy especially, but everyone really who has been contributing to this thread. Just wanted to give a HUGE thanks.

 

Had a bomb dropped on me about a week ago -- a totally unexpected HSV-2 diagnosis -- and this thread has helped keep my spirits up immensely that my sex life does not have to dry out. :)

[hippyherpy]

Here's some more inspiration for y'all- I had a threesome with a couple of girls whom I met at a bar. Disclosed to both of them at the same time. There was a brief pause, but they didn't mind and we took a trip to funville. If that's not proof that having herpes isn't a social/sexual death sentence, than I don't know what is. Even went raw with one of them. Was more concerned about making a baby than herpes because she wasn't on the pill.

 

Since I've started this thread I've had sex with almost fifty girls and disclosed to all of them.

 

 

[Divo]

hey man, feel this thread needs to be revived.

So I guess this has been asked before in the thread but since it has been a year, why not? My question to u mr hippy is how active is your virus? I heard you said 3 years without outbreak or something? So what I wonder is how active is it in terms of periods of heat sensations, itching sensations, burning sensations and if you got the heat sensations on your entire lower abdominal area and sometimes in the scrotum? Im very curious because I would say that having the heat symptom active there is probably when you are the most contagius in non condom areas. Since you have never transmitted however, I suppose you don´t get that a lot, could that be correct?

[Movingforward4me]

On 5/19/2016 at 1:40 PM, WCSDancer2010 said:

I would say with HPV if you have the strain that causes Cancer or warts and you are within the 2 yr point (ie, most HPV clears up itself in 2 yrs... or at least seems to go totally dormant from what I understand) then you should disclose and ALWAYS use condoms during that period.

 

95% of the HPV strains don't seem to do anything to harm you... if you were diagnosed with one of them, I don't see the point in disclosing given that the vast majority of people already have at least 1... as @optimist pointed out, most people will have at least 1 strain by age 22... I expect we ALL are exposed to and even carry tons of viruses that we are unaware of that don't do long term harm.

 

IMO if you have something that could potentially harm (emotionally or physically) your partner or their future partners, you should disclose. With HPV, the current thinking (that *I* have seen) is that once you are treated for the cancerous one, if it's not back in 2 yrs you are clear ... so it would only be right to make sure your partner doesn't get exposed to that while you are under treatment. Or at least give them the option.

 

AND... you guys won't know if you have it unless you have the warts version unless you come up with the cancer sometime later in life.... so just assume that if you love giving oral, and you have multiple partners, just like with HSV1oral, odds are you are being exposed to HPV and odds are most carriers are totally unaware that they have it... and it's a risk you live with.

 

AND .. this is what I plan to address once I have time to focus on a campaign... making people aware of the risks. .. so they make smarter (or at least more educated!) choices when it comes to having sex...

After the 2 year mark of genital wart strains, what’s the deal with disclosure?

[Samanthanne]

@hippyherpy you are my male counterpart. I’m a pretty adventurous gal in my sexual endeavors. I just got diagnosed almost 2 weeks ago. I have 2 sexual partners as of right now that I’ve consistently been sleeping with and I disclosed to them and it didn’t change either of their minds about me.. so that was a plus.

I was concerned that I wouldn’t be able to have the same sexual freedom after my diagnoses but you’ve given me courage! Thanks for sharing all your sexcapades and disclosure stories with us!