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Just found out... What a whirlwind of thoughts... (may be some TMI stuff)


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So I found out on Oct 5th that I have herpes. HOW I found out was completely crazy. I am prone to yeast infections from ridiculous stuff like switching laundry detergent or new soap. So I *thought* I was getting a yeast infection. I bought the OTC cream and the next thing I knew I had what I would equate to "severe burns" down there. After four days of excruciating pain, I went to my ob gyn. She was concerned because the "burns" (which they really did look like burns... Like if you get a rug burn and the skin is missing and it's shiney) were in only a few spots, so she swabbed me and gave me some lidocaine so it wouldn't hurt so bad to pee and told me we'd have my results in a week. That was a Monday. Thursday I was running such a high fever that I couldn't keep my clothes dry, I had the absolute worst body aches and headaches, and I passed out. After I passed out I went to the ER. They suspected my issue was a secondary UTI resulting from the "burns" caused by the yeast infection medication (this could not be confirmed because I was also on my period so blood was to be expected in my urine; they suspected it because my urine WBC was 11, which I've since learned herpes can do). I was given morphine, fluids, and antibx and sent home. The following Monday I got the call from my ob gyn that I tested positive for HSV 2. Turns out, yes the monistat burnt me, but that is WHY it burnt me. I was having an outbreak. She started me on Valtrex, but for now I will only use it if I have an outbreak.

 

So then I am faced with having to call my "male friend." The week prior when my doctor suspected it, I had mentioned it to him so he went and got tested (blood test and full STD test) and was told "if you hear nothing, that's good news." Now, he and I had dated for about 8 months, broke up, and were debating on reconciling at the time (still are, he's military though and now in another country). We hooked up twice during our trial reconciliation, and I became symptomatic a few days after that. Due to the severity of my symptoms, my doc thinks that was probably my primary infection. Obviously we can't confirm this, but it would be quite the coincidence! At any rate, I call him and tell him. He's in disbelief. Says he's never had symptoms, and his doc hasn't called so "no news is good news." I explain to him that I was tested TWICE over a period of six months after my ex and I split (my ex had cheated) so I KNOW I was clean, and I'm not blaming him (I truly don't). So the next day he was due to move (we had known for like six months that he'd be leaving) and we meet up to say our goodbyes. He gets into my car in tears. He had called medical and the corpsman initially gave him the all clear for a laundry list of STDs. My friend asked, "What about herpes?" the guy double checked and said, "Ohh... Yeah, that's positive. I'm going to have to have the doc call you." So literally moments before our goodbye is when he found out. We don't know if he had it all along and I just never happened to get it or become symptomatic until this month, or if it happened during our break up period (he has yet to confirm or deny whether anything happened during that time, and I'd just as soon not bother myself wondering.)

 

Sooo... That is my herpes story. I'll be honest, I am struggling with this diagnosis. I work on a military installation in a professional field, but I see how the servicemembers talk about the girls who have herpes and the stigma attached to it. I've also always been a very confident, attractive young woman (I do not sleep around), so it's hard to receive attention right now. The few people who have tried, I've pushed away. I just can't help but think, "if you knew my secret, you wouldn't want me." And I know that is a perfectly normal reaction and I will process through it eventually. For right now, however, I just do not feel very attractive or sexy. At my worst, I've almost felt like a leper. I just feel like it will be very difficult for me to share my secret around here because it's a small military community and word spreads fast. It will take someone special for me to get to a point of trusting enough to tell this to, and even then I struggle with the idea of risking infecting someone else. I didn't have a choice, my ex/male friend/whatever didn't have a choice. I just don't know if I feel as though I'm worth someone making that kind of risk, you know?

 

So, thanks for reading my lengthy book I've written. I'm sure I'll have lots of questions as this sets in. Glad I have a resource to talk/unload/seek information/etc.

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Well it can be confirmed because if they swabbed you and took blood, your blood test would come up negative if it's a new infection. My swab was positive and blood negative. I'm prior military and I know what you're talking about in regards to the things guys say. Just ignore them, it's mostly for then to just laugjand have something to banter about. I spent 11yrs around the government, 6yrs active and over 5 as a gov contractor. I know it's hard, bit try not to take it personally. .

 

I was celibate for two yrs and then had sex once and had symptoms immediately.. Like a couple days.

 

I too had the same feelings for awhile after my diagnosis. I found that until I coukd stop thinking that way, it best not to date. You need to give yourself time griev and process all of this. It is normal to feel the way you do, we all do after we find out.

 

I have 7 gfs w herpes who are married and 5 w kids... Clearly people found. Then worthy. Keep your chin up girly, it gets better, I promise.

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Honestly, I'm not too interested in the timeframe of when I got it because I know that it came from him. Thinking about it like that, however, if he turned up positive on his blood test, that means that he didn't get it during our break up (our break up had only been about 1.5 months prior to us hooking up and me having symptoms). I'm certain he was faithful to me, so I must've just never contracted it or never shown symptoms until then.

 

Oh I completely understand that this is a grief process and that most people have the same feelings and it's a matter of working through them. I personally have never really been big into the dating scene anyways because being a young, single female on a military installation it's very easy to get a reputation. Due to the nature of my job (behavioral health), it's important for me to protect my professional reputation so I'm very choosey about who I go out with. That being said, I guess there's something about the knowledge that even if I wanted to go out and do my thing, I really don't have that option now. Like I said in my initial discussion, even if someone was accepting, I really struggle with the idea of potentially infecting someone else. Also, the ex and I are still unfinished business so that's holding me back.

 

Thanks for the response and the encouragement!

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@blessedheart89 Your initial ob sounds a lot like mine, thought I had an allergic reaction to Monistat, but nope. I was lucky I had a nice doctor who was really on the ball and knew right away. I struggled a lot initially and was very depressed. I actually had slept with a few guys, after YEARS of only being with my husband (separated) and I felt like it was punishment for enjoying sex for the first time in a long time.

 

I'm a singer, and for a couple of weeks I had a really hard time with my confidence and feeling like I was worthy of attention from anyone, let alone the opposite gender. Singing made me sad. It was a nightmare. I also felt like I couldn't tell anyone. I don't personally have any experience with military folk, but I can imagine that it must be incredibly difficult for you, and I'm so sorry. I told a friend who lives far away first, and I recommend that--someone you don't have to see at work. You are worthy of love, I promise. @2Legit2Quit was awesome and answered so many questions for me, and she's SO right, it does get better.. This site is amazing.

 

One in five... That's a lot of people out there with this. You aren't alone. And you'll be stronger for it in the long run.

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As Dancer likes to point out, whenever in a roomroom full of people, start countingcounting 1234H... Or for women, 123H or men, 1234567H. It helps take away that isolated feeling. I even was completely irrational when I was diagnosed, feeling like I'm the only one w this, yet I have friends w it! Lol... So ridiculous the tricks the mind will play on you. You'll be OK... Keep your head up and find out what that unfinished business is you have w your ex anyway and see what happens w that. One day at a time. ;-)

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I just think most people won't share,and won't disclose...too much shame. I know I'm not alone. Not when I'm at church, work, or school. I'm positive i'm not the only one in the room with it. I just know, like everyone else, it's not exactly something we'll run to the mic and announce. The numbers are there, we just happen to be ones with symptoms that got us diagnosed.

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@blessedheart89 Your initial ob sounds a lot like mine, thought I had an allergic reaction to Monistat, but nope. I was lucky I had a nice doctor who was really on the ball and knew right away. I struggled a lot initially and was very depressed. I actually had slept with a few guys, after YEARS of only being with my husband (separated) and I felt like it was punishment for enjoying sex for the first time in a long time.

 

I'm a singer, and for a couple of weeks I had a really hard time with my confidence and feeling like I was worthy of attention from anyone, let alone the opposite gender. Singing made me sad. It was a nightmare. I also felt like I couldn't tell anyone. I don't personally have any experience with military folk, but I can imagine that it must be incredibly difficult for you, and I'm so sorry. I told a friend who lives far away first, and I recommend that--someone you don't have to see at work. You are worthy of love, I promise. @2Legit2Quit was awesome and answered so many questions for me, and she's SO right, it does get better.. This site is amazing.

 

One in five... That's a lot of people out there with this. You aren't alone. And you'll be stronger for it in the long run.

 

Oh yeah... I was so swollen I could barely pee. It was awful! The scary thing is, if you google Monistat reactions, you will see a lot of girls complain of a similar reaction. Part of me wants to go on there and be like "GO GET TESTED FOR HERPES!" If I, as someone who is a veteran yeast infection experiencer, could misdiagnose myself, surely others can as well!

 

It's interesting that you mention telling someone far away at first. When I first got the news, I couldn't get ahold of my ex. I had been texting with a close male friend who lives really far away and I was in such shock and utter disbelief that I just wrote, "I just found out I have herpes." He immediately wrote back, "I'm going to call you." He ended up sharing that his ex had been raped while they were together, and they didn't know she had it right away so he was exposed and ended up getting it. It was such a relief to have someone I could ask questions of and just unload to.

 

My ex appears to be taking the news like a typical guy... He really doesn't want to talk about it, and shuts down if I bring it up. Me? I like to hash things out and process them out loud (hard to do with this though). He is more of an internal processor. He'll chew it up and makes sense of it in his own heart.

 

 

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"if you knew my secret, you wouldn't want me."

 

That couldn't be farther from the truth. I know it's hard to just find out, but promise me when I tell you, you will find someone again (or get back with your ex, etc). Here's the thing -- when you disclose something like this to someone, it says a ton about you. It shows not only that you care about THEM, but that you are an honest person with integrity and character. Those are two values that can be extremely hard to find in people.

 

So if it's the right guy, he will be accepting of you, and hopefully, even supportive. I'm a guy, but the girl I'm seeing now, when I told her, obviously she was surprised at first but she grabbed me and pulled me in for a hug and thanked me for telling her. She asked some questions, did her own research, Etc, but were still together and we are crazy about each other. She SUPPORTS me. I think honestly me having herpes and telling her about it made us grow as a couple and we became so much closer. After telling someone about it, I feel like I can tell that person anything.

 

So sorry for rambling a bit there, but the point is, you're not unwanted. The right person will accept it and be there for you. Good luck!

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I just can't help but think, "if you knew my secret, you wouldn't want me."

 

@Train hit the nail on the head... but these links may help you to get the message too :)

 

 

 

http://supporttruthanddialog.com/using-herpes-as-your-wingman/

 

http://www.womenshealthmag.com/sex-and-relationships/dating-with-herpes Ella

 

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/6070/it-gets-better great tips for newbies

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/2886/herpes-yoga-and-self-love

 

http://projectaccept.org/who-gets-hsv/ This is one of my favorite recent additions to my link collection!

 

Herpes as a relationship filter Adrial

 

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  • 3 weeks later...

I too have recently found out I contracted the disease. I believe it has come from my current partner. He recently told me well how do you know it came from me. Since then he has refused to have sex with me. Due to his dr saying that since he has never has symptoms that the likelihood of him having it is slim to none. Yet hes the guy who is a boneafied man whore.

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His doctor is full of shit and if he's do confident, he should have no qualms w getting a blood test. Did you just get swabbed or did you get swabbed and a blood test? If you haven't gotten a blood test, do so asap. If it's a new infection, your blood results will come back negative. Needs to be 3-4 mo ths old. I wasn't detectable in blood till 3 months or at least that's how long I waited for the second d one.

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