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I know they are just trying to help but...


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I'm fortunate. I have a very supportive group of people around me who are encouraging. even two women I've know most of my life who have herpes, but I didn't know that until I disclosed to them. They are both happily married and have several children and women I admire in business.

 

But for the rest (and majority) of people who don't understand what I go through physically or emotionally, I'm getting tired of the suggestions like "join a herpes dating web site"... No one was suggesting dating web site to me before this because they new it didn't suit my personality, but this makes me feel like they look at me as "broken" or needing help. There's also the "maybe you just shouldn't date"... totally because humans were built to be alone - NOT.

 

I'd like some thoughts or experiences surrounding how to cope with and not take personal "outsiders" advice. I understand they are trying to help, but how can you help if you're not in my shoes?

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First off, here's my take on the whole "joining a herpes dating site" conversation (let's not treat ourselves like lepers, shall we?) ;)

http://herpeslife.com/do-i-have-to-join-those-herpes-dating-sites/

 

And ultimately it is hard for people to get inside other people's shoes (much less get inside their entire lives!) and support someone else. Especially with such a pervasive stigma, people who don't get that herpes is simply a blown-out-of-proportion skin condition will probably see supporting you as pitying you. I've gotten my fair share of people giving me sad puppy dog eyes when I say I have herpes. I normally turn around and playfully console them. "Hey, thanks for the pity, but I'm not dying over here. Chill." ;) Really, this entire Herpes Opportunity thing centers around you getting right with yourself. This includes when ignorant people (not ignorant meaning a judgment against them being stupid, but simply uninformed) jump on the stigma boat, that tends to trigger us if we're still in agreement that herpes is something to be stigmatized. But if we get beyond that, then we get to not have other people's reaction to us having herpes impact how we ultimately feel about ourselves. Capiche? ;)

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