My side of the Herpes Story

[Learningasigo]

I was officially diagnosed on January 5, 2013. I'll try to hit the high points so as not to drag on.

 

My first sign of symptoms was brought on by warming lube that I didn't even know we were using (upon further research lube brings on outbreaks for people)

 

It's ironic because I didn't want to sleep with him that night even though we had been previously intimate. So the next day was new years eve and new years days I started feeling like a yeast infection was coming on. Had one blister and I remember thinking "if I have herpes I'm going to kill myself"...

 

I went in for an exam and was told "I look at herpes all day long, this is not herpes" I requested a blood test in addition to the culture test. The doctor told me she was "positive" I was fine, little did we know I was the one who was positive. Couple days later I made a follow up because the symptoms were more uncomfortable, I was in the room waiting for an exam when a medical assistant came in and started explaining to me about acyclovir and how to take it - I was confused and explained I was waiting for a follow up exam. Her response was "Oh, you didn't get your positive results yet?" No ma'am, no I didn't. So that's how I found out - from someone not equipped to inform me or answer any of my questions. Public health at its finest.

 

I started doing research and learning about the varying seroconversion rate from person to person. the number for each lab are different (the measurement at which they identify different thresholds that equate to negative and positive) In the lab I was tested in 1.1 is considered positive (and it take 3-6 months from inception of the virus to get a positive result) I was a 5.0. (which is good because that means my body had a strong reaction to the virus. The test is measuring your reaction to the virus)

 

This meant I had been infected for a significant amount of time, likely had exposed other people and also wouldn't be able to track who I got it from. I did the best I could and I notified every guy I was intimate with in 2012. Most of them I told via phone, the rest I sent anonymous ecards to from inspot.org telling them what they needed to be tested for. It was really tough to start the conversation, but I informed everyone within 48 hours of finding out.

 

No one has ever called me to tell me they spread it to me, so I wanted to do the right thing and give people the opportunity to know. I'm not a coward. Different things happened, one guy told me I should kill myself. Another guy of 15 years of friendship wouldn't even listen long enough for me to tell him he told me he would "hate me for life for whatever I gave him" my ex just listened and said ok. None of this was really an amazing experience.

 

I am blessed though in that my parents know. I come from a very open family. My brother knows too. It's a little hard around extended family because I'm the pretty put together one in the family with the great career, always traveling etc and they constantly ask why I'm single.

 

I was dating a guy before I found out that I had never slept with and we continued to date two months after my diagnosis still not having sex. I told him and he told me that he would always be my friend and that was that. There was also another guy who I had been talking to for six months long distance who came to visit and I told him and he said "I dont look at you different at all" but then I never heard from him again... that actually hurt more than the honest guy.

 

For now, I'm just learning my body. Trying to get more rest and take care of myself. I am not really interested in dating at this point, I'd just like some time to myself.

[whiteshadowcgb]

Hang in there. You're a good person and doing the right thing. One thing I've learned from this site is...you're not being rejected, they're rejecting herpes. In addition, many people LIVE with this. All we have to do is live. I truly believe everything happens for a reason. Hugs!

[bonafiderarity]

wow learning, our stories are so similar. my doctor swore 100% that it was not h :-(

[bittersweet28]

Good for you bonafiderarity for giving yourself time to heal/process/except this. What matters now is that you love yourself.

I commend you for doing the right thing in contacting those partners but you can not change or control their reactions. I have told my close friends only. One of which has had herpes for over 20 years. I also told one very dear friend that I have had sexual encounters with in the past and he said "I'd still be with you if the opportunity ever presented it's self because I love you the person. Herpes doesn't change those feelings." - But OMG I wouldn't dream of telling any of my 9 siblings or my parents and being as I will never have sexual relations with them, they will never know.. lol

 

Meditate. Try mind imaging. Imagine yourself pushing the virus back into the spinal cord. Imagine yourself letting go of the negative thoughts and feelings and inhaling positive thoughts and feelings. Find what works for you and except it's not worth letting this win. We are our own worst enemy. But you can change that and become your own BIGGEST FAN!

 

 

[Lifechange]

Whiteshadow- I havn't convinced myself yet that it is not the person who is being rejected as well as the herpes. ie As Learning mentioned people don't tell you that they don't feel any differently about you- and then vanish from your life. Or, tell you that you should kill yourself-that's a huge rejection I would say!!

Now- I have to admit that having been an uninformed non-herpes carrier 3 years ago I definitely thought differently about people who had genital herpes over oral herpes. Funny how a person with a cold sore is ok- but not when you have a 'hot sore' in the nether regions..... I think sex-ed needs to be updated!!!! Maybe that's why I got blessed- I wouldn't have come to that realization otherwise!!