reading through all the posts...

[bonafiderarity]

I'm feeling really confused right now. I've decided to go back and read all the posts. But I'm not sure how to feel right now. I was feeling pretty optimistic because I had read so many successes in the disclosure talks. But now I'm reading more and more of people being rejected and hurt. I'm really scared. I feel like I'm having a panic attack. I disclosed to my son's dad because we get together here and there and he didn't care. And I had to tell the guy I slept with two days before I went to the Dr and he said the only people that would care are people who are uneducated. He said he wanted to get to know me more and are where things go. he said seeing how I handled it and was an adult by telling him made him like me more but then he just distanced himself and he left. I'm starting to feel like no one will be okay with it. I'm not even sure I would have been if the shoe was on the other foot.

[mr_hopp]

This is the nature of relationship in general, bonafiderarity. When we are vulnerable and put our hearts out there, there is always a chance that our hearts can be held or hurt. This goes for whether you have herpes or not. We live in a vulnerable world. Stop putting yourself through the ringer on this one and you'll have much more calm in your life. It's not about doing the talk right or wrong, it's about being authentic and true to yourself and your integrity. The person who will reject herpes isn't for you. The person who sees through the herpes and into your heart is. And what you said at the end is the kicker: You had a lot of judgments about herpes before you got it, so you project onto every other eligible bachelor the same judgments. There are plenty of men who want to be with a quality woman. A skin condition won't stop that kind of relationship from happening. Trust me. Have you read the e-book yet?

http://herpeslife.com/resources/

http://eepurl.com/b4IPP

[bonafiderarity]

yes I read the ebook and the handouts. my friends were shocked at the statistics. I just don't know how to feel. some of these disclosure stories have me almost crying from happiness and the others make me want to crawl under a rock forever.I work in a bar and I see attractive guys all the time.... then they start hitting on me and I just become mean. this one that's always there it seems like it makes him chase me more but I can't have that conversation ever because I can't have that getting around my job. I'm so lost.

[mr_hopp]

I get the fear. And that's why disclosing takes trust. Disclosing is a vulnerable act. If you trust the person you're disclosing to with something as vulnerable as saying that you have herpes, then you also trust them not to be a dipshit and spread rumors about you. ;) In dating, people are getting to know each other and trust each other. You don't disclose until you feel that trust. Period. That's one of the big barometers for disclosure. You can still get to know this guy to see if he's even worth disclosing to! Don't cut it off before you even give the relationship a chance to prove itself. You can choose whether to continue or not down the line. You're pretty much pre-rejecting any possibility of anything by assuming a whole bunch of things that will probably never happen. Make sense? It's a trick the brain pulls on us to keep us supremely safe, but it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy to keep us alone. That's why this takes courage. But on the other side of it is happiness and freedom and growth in integrity.

[Learningasigo]

Work on YOU being ok with it first. Once you're ok with it, it won't matter what other people think. I agree 100% with the fact that our emotions about herpes are more about emotions we already had that herpes brought to the surface.

 

Worry about yourself. I would do some reading about the power of the brain and positive thoughts.... It's like any new challenge you start, losing weight, eating healthy etc, you have to get the pattern in place and then it gets easier.

 

Read "Tuesdays with Morrie" He says he gives himself 15 minutes every day to feel sorry for himself - he cries, whines etc and after that he stops, because life goes on with or without you.

 

Time is your most precious and valuable asset - use it wisely! Be well. My heart really does go out to you. I still too have bad days, but they get better. Don't let a bad day make you believe you have a bad life.