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Scared about my future


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Hi my name is Nicole I'm 20 years

old and I was diagnosed four months ago and still having a hard time. I have only had 2 serious boyfriends in the past and im pretty sure I got it from my 2nd boyfriend because I got symptoms right after we broke up thinking it was a bad yeast infection. I told my mom that I had to go to my gyn doctor and they took my blood and the result came out positive for Herpes. I was devastated because I am a good girl, I neverrrr sleep around! I just couldn't believe this was happening to me. My mom has been my biggest supporter and that is how I am getting through this, if it wasn't for her idk what I would do! But I can't pick at people because I already have this virus and its not going to go away if I find out who gave it to me. The thing i worry about the most is meeting someone in the future and telling them i have herpes and being rejected, i hope someone will love me no matter what and this minor virus doesn't bother them! Have you had any relationships after herpes and had to tell them, if so how did they take it? I have been doing better but I can't help to worry about my future with someone! I hope you are doing well! Just need some advice please -Nicole

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People already do love you!!! Remember that! I honestly an about 6 weeks into this and am remaining really positive, surprisingly. I do a lot of reading regarding this "opportunity" ( I no longer refer to it as H) You should look in the book by Terri Warren on google books. "The good news about the bad news" I am not sure that you can read the entire book but it is a good start and also her PDF at the Westover Heights Clinic website. All very information. Our "fear" comes from the unknown. Educate yourself as much as you can. You'll start feeling better (it has helped me) In addition, you have to ask yourself "are you ready for a relationship" if you're not then I wouldn't be worrying too much about the future. You're wasting today, worrying about tomorrow. All we have to do is LIVE!!! Hugs to you :)

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Hi Nicole.

I hope this finds you doing well. I know that its hard once you get diagnosed, but there will come a day when you can wake up and not think about it. Many people will love you, regardless if you carry this or not. Someone once told me that there are some people who will be okay with it and there are some that aren't. This is very true. Just please keep in mind, the ones that aren't okay with it, are the ones you don't want in your life anyways. Those are the judgmental people. You don't want them around. They will only bring you down. You surround yourself with positiveness. I have also come to figure out, that disclosing that you have this by text message is not the way to go. They will feel uncomfortable if you talk about it with nervousness. When disclosing, I always come forward, face to face, and say it with a positive attitude. Like Adrial said, you don't want to tell them on the first date. You don't want to tell them too late either. You will know the right time. I understand how you feel though. I worry about being rejected, but its a risk you will take when you think you may be falling for someone, rather in deep like or deep love. :) If they are meant to be with you, they will accept it, and never judge you for it. Hope this helps. :)

Stephanie

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Thank you so much! I've been myself and been better everyday! I get up in the morning and I tell myself "I'm alive and I'm going to make it a good day" I have so much to live for and so much too look forward too in the future! I know one day I will meet the man of my dreams who will love me for ME and adore me and this minor virus won't bother him! I love reading stories of people and their relationships, it gives me hope! But I have faith that there is someone out there for everyone and I tend to find him:)) my mom had a good point the other day she said "there are a ton of women who have herpes, you think all of them are single and never get married.... NO!" Haha and she is right!

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Hi Nicole - welcome to our open, loving, nonjudgmental, honest, ask anything you want community.

 

I'm newly diagnosed as well and have my parents to thank as my supporters. I'm a little different in that I believe in using the word herpes because I believe we further the stigma of the virus by, even as people who have herpes, not calling it that. I do believe it is an opportunity, but the name the opportunity goes by is herpes.

 

Be a part of the solution, the stigma will only change if we change it. The uninformed people aren't going to do it for us.

 

I encourage you to be patient during this time in finding someone to be with. I echo the suggestion above to do research and learn about what's going on inside your body. It will help you understand and also equip you to educate others. We, as humans, find solace and comfort in understanding. Knowledge is power, I promise. The more you learn about herpes from a medical standpoint, the more you'll understand how this truly is a pesky skin condition that comes up now and then and just got a bad wrap.

 

Don't let the stigma get in your brain, let the facts speak.

 

The "why did this happen to me?" will subside, the answer is we all take chances whether we sleep with 2 people or 200 hundred people... you just happened to be dealt this hand. It's a wake up call, use it positively. It's permanent, but it's not life threatening. Make sure you take care of yourself - get rest, eat well, exercise etc. The better care you take the stronger your immune system is and the more power you have over your symptoms.

 

Lysine, vitamin C and Zinc all help in keeping the virus dormant.

 

Deep breath! Life is all about perspective. This will be a blessing ultimately and I'm grateful that I have something that will deter anyone who isn't worth my time or my heart for me (and just so you know, if he rejects you because of it, it doesn't mean you aren't great, or even that he wasn't worth it - it just means that the situation isn't for him, and that's his right.)

 

Be Well! You have a whole life ahead of you!

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Thank you learningasigo! That really helped me and I'm realizing that life goes on and I can't have this bring me down everyday, I have to wake up and tell my self "this will be a good day!" Anyone out there.. Are there any good relationships with herpes or stories that can be shared about dating and/or marriage with herpes!!!! Do people act more positive or more negative towards telling someone about herpes!?

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Your mom's a wise woman. It's true! I thought I would be alone forever and now 18months after my diagnosis I am with someone special and we are planning our future. There are so many blessings that can come after your diagnosis and it all starts with creating them. I haven't had a bad experience telling anyone (and i have told a few now!). Telling my kids was the hardest...but I want them to be informed too. They were great too. It's all how you tell and how you feel about it...people are just your mirror.

Don't let it bring you down, but when it does work on getting into a better head space. I struggled at first and it was one step forward and two back.. had a few dark times but they got less as time went on. And now I am so happy...my man accepts me totally and thinks any risk of getting herpes is nothing compared to having me in his life.

So take care of yourself and be so fabulous that when you tell someone you want to be with...their reaction will tell you if they are as fabulous as you. If they aren't then move on...there are people out there like me (I chose to be with someone with herpes)...and my man (he doesn't have it) who love so big that they accept that herpes is part of the package and love you knowing this. :-) xx

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I just really do not want to be alone! I've always dreamed of a wedding and having children and I feel that should never be takin away from someone! I have my good days and bad days, still very hard to believe but thank you so much lelani! You have a great story and I'm so happy u met someone who loves you for YOU and adores you! I think ever woman is greater than any risk! Life wast suppose to be easy and trust me I finally realize that now! I have hope and faith that ill meet my Prince Charming one day:) I believe in myself! Happy Easter <3:)

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Niki, I am in the same boat. I have a post about my story if you want to read it. I just post it yesterday. I felt the same that I always dreamed of getting married and having a family. My faith is tested all the time and sometimes i'm not so strong. My faith is all I have now and maybe that was the purpose of this entire ordeal. Up until I saw this site I have been all alone to deal with this as I don't have a close friend I can confide in like that nor do I know anyone with the same situation so I can't confide in them. This is all I have.

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Niki! There are tons of success stories out there! Have you read all these?

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/categories/herpes-talk-success-stories

 

There's absolutely no reason to believe that a simple little virus called herpes is going to stop you from your dream of marriage, children, love. Stop believing all the stigma hype and really get on a deep level that you are totally worthy of love. It's a process of self-acceptance. And what a beautiful process.

 

I would count myself as another positive success story. I am in one of the most loving, supportive, deep and powerful relationships of my life. We are close friends, amazing lovers and beautifully transparent and vulnerable with each other. We inspire each other daily in living our purposes in this world. (She even helped staff the last H Opp workshop in January, in fact.) And she doesn't have herpes. Now if I believed all those things you're believing about herpes meaning we won't have the type of relationship we deserve, I would have never believed this kind of relationship were possible. I wouldn't have been available for it. I wouldn't have allowed it to show up in my life. Believing that we're not worthy closes us up to the organic opportunities that are constantly surrounding us every day of our lives. A shift in perspective can make it seem like the whole world changes, but what actually changes is us stopping from getting in our own ways.

 

Good luck on your journey of self-love. Hopping on these forums and sharing yourself like you're doing is a beautiful first step. Honored to be one of the ones supporting you in such a worthy goal.

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Thank you so much Adrial! Your story has really helped me, I do believe someone will love me one day and I guess I'm lucky cause it weeds out the bad men that don't care about me!! I am so happy that u have a loving relationship with someone, you are very lucky! By the way happy birthday:)

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:) I'm glad my story helped you. And hey, luck has much less to do with it than shifting a perspective that no longer serves you to one that empowers you and has you understanding how lovable you really are. And thanks for the birthday wishes! Here's to another awesome year! Woohoo!

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