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If it wasn't herpes, it'd be something else

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If you weren't miserable/anxious about this, it would be something else. If this wasn't something you'd be afraid of facing rejection for, it'd be something else. There's always gonna be something to bring you down (if you let it), but it's better this than something else, something worse, maybe something life-threatening. There are so many people in a situation where they'd be willing to give their right arm in order to change situations with you and me, people with life threatening diseases..whether it's cancer or whatever, don't you think they'd happily have herpes instead of what they're struggling through. I'm not trying to belittle our pain because it's real to a lot of you and I know people sometimes find it annoying when somebody makes it seem like you don't have the right to be unhappy over something just because other people have it worse. I was always annoyed when people said that, not about this situation but just whatever situation I was unhappy with, knowing other people have it worse still doesn't take away my pain, and I get that..But seriously, after watching 50/50 (that joseph gordon levitt movie) I just thought, "damn, I'm lucky, I'm alive, I don't have something that I have NO control of, I don't have something that can really harm me, that character in the movie would've probably happily traded situations with me"

this is what I posted on my tumblr: (Just watched 50/50 and damn, first of all.. fucking loved it! but it made me feel so I-don’t-give-a-fuck regarding my HPV and herpes, like wtf..it’s only a big deal if you choose to make it a big deal, it doesn’t have to be a big deal, now cancer is a big deal..I was having a breakdown over not having control over my body, well a lot of people actually don’t have any control over their bodies..some people have life-threatening illnesses, this is just an irritant. Like what the fuck, if I let this stop me from enjoying my life..I’m a fool. :P I’mma listen to awesome music, be around awesome people, have fucking awesome hot rough passionate sex, eat awesome food, shit’s gonna be good..cus I’m gonna decide for it to be. Gonna enjoy this life.)


But seriously if something worse were to come up in your life, herpes would go in the backseat, you'd most likely ignore it, another pain would be in the spotlight, so there's always gonna be something..be relieved that this is the worst thing in your life (if it is). People fear rejection about a lot of things, people who have been abused might worry that if a person they're dating knew that they wouldn't want to be with them anymore, people who have self-harmed/do self-harm might worry that if the person they're dating knew about it that they wouldn't want to be with them anymore, let's say those people is your friend and your friend came up to you and told you that someone she was dating had rejected her for that..you'd tell her he was a jerk, would you not? and it'd be true and you'd tell her she was better off without that person and that she's lucky she saw his true colors before anything more happen and you'd be right in that. People always have a fear of rejection regarding something, our reason isn't any worse than others.


The risk isn't that high and when you have the facts and you're calm and confident about the fact that this doesn't change your life (which is a fact, it's a choice whether or not you let it change things in a way that you're not comfortable with) and if the person you're having sex with would get herpes, it's not that horrible, we're all living it, I want to set an example for the person that I'm going to have sex with that this isn't a big deal, this doesn't change me, this doesn't change my life for the worse, the only thing it changes is that you have to be honest and practice safe sex (which you should be anyway if it wasn't for this)


Damn, sorry for babbling.

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Awesome post stubborn...I can tell that you are gorgeously stubborn and loving life. I just gave a speech at my daughters wedding on the weekend and it was about being thankful I was actually there. When I gave birth to her 30 years ago I was given 6 months to live and in that time I wrote my speeches for her graduation, wedding, births of her children...every milestone I could think of - because I wouldn't be there for her. I practiced how I would say each one as if I was there so I felt like I would be. That's a biggy to be dealing with at 23yrs old and I would have traded that for herpes anytime.


When I did get HPV and then later herpes...I was devastated with both and had to go through the process of dealing with it. I realised that it was my fear of being rejected and alone forever that the viruses triggered - so had to deal with that. I have to say though there was no stigma to being so ill and facing death as compared to having an STI - totally crazy!!! So I learned and grew some more and have gone about setting an example, living with integrity and creating great experiences. And that has led me to an amazing man I never thought I would meet. But it's not about meeting someone, its about meeting yourself and loving yourself.

Great post...xxxx

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I hear ya, stubborn. And I'm glad you had such a positive aha moment! :) And yeah, it could be worse ... But I imagine people who have HIV or cancer reading this would be a little peeved to hear you have a glum perspective on having those things, too. ;) What if you do get cancer or HIV now that you've run that comparison? Will it actually be the end of your happiness then? Or would you actually be able to find your opportunity within those things, too? I'm currently helping other wounded healers start their own Opportunities. One of them is the Cancer Opportunity. And Nicole is finding plenty of beauty in her life thanks to cancer.


So yes, there are so many people worse off than where we're sitting right now. In fact, if you’re reading this on your computer right now, you’re already in much better shape than the vast majority of humanity on this earth. There are many things you can find out there in the world to prove that you’re in much better shape than many, many others … And it could be better, too.


Uh oh. ;) Yep, you can find many more people around you who seemingly have it much better than you have it right now. So where do you focus your attention? That leads us to the next topic ...


Comparison’s a bitch! ;) The same exact mechanism that has you comparing in one direction also has you comparing in the other direction, too. It's like building the muscle up that immediately has us comparing up or comparing down. It's equal opportunity. I say we throw out the comparison altogether and practice gratitude for what we have.

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  • 2 weeks later...

I agree Adrial. Let's just be grateful. Comparison is just crazy making, at least for me. As you said, someone will always be better off or worse off. My life is what it is. It's a matter of choice - am I going to choose happiness or self-pity? And yes, there will be times when I will be sad or mad or whatever and I will try to sit with those emotions and not run from them as much as I used to. Do I still run? Yeah. I eat too much or have a glass of wine or two some days to cope. But overall I am trying to just allow whatever comes up for me to be okay. Feel it, acknowledge it and let it go. I am learning that it's all a choice - a matter of perspective. I spent the last couple months in a relationship with a man who did not have herpes and it absolutely wasn't an issue for us. For the first time since my diagnosis, I felt whole and "normal" when it came to a relationship. The relationship ultimately ended but I learned so much from that lovely experience and can move forward into life feeling okay with who I am. Herpes is just one more thing to add to the mix. I am smart, funny, stubborn at times, a bit of a drama queen at others, I have hay fever and, oh yeah, I have herpes too. This is who I am. :) This is who I really am. :)

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I fucken love this and what you wrote on your tumblr!!! And I agree with Adrial. There is opportunity in every down, every dark situation, even terminal conditions, if we allow for the opportunity. The huge point you and Adrial are making that life indeed goes on, the good and bad. What is our choice- how we react and move on!! And we can't compare our lives to anyone's. Gratitude is amazing and freeing. Life is good!! even with H even with all the bad things in the world. Life is good!! Rock on stubborn!! maybe we could change your name too? May perserverant or something else. What do you say??? WHat do you think Adrial? Much love to all of yoU!!

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