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From disclosing that I have herpes to being his girlfriend in minutes


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Hey everyone,

 

I was so excited to write in here because I wanted to share my experience the other evening to hopefully help inspire those who are scared of disclosing of fear of the unknown.

 

 

So rewind to last month, I met this guy whom has had a crush on me for quite sometime. Somehow he honestly figured out a way to steal my heart. We have spent a ton of time together since we met and it was starting getting pretty serious. Obviously I played the innocent card and said I wanted to wait. I could tell early his intentions were good, but I needed time before I would disclose. By week 2 he asked me to be his girlfriend and even though my heart was like "hell yeah!" my brain was in reality check mode and knew it wasn't the right time because I still didn't know him. I didn't want him to think I trapped him into the relationship and then disclosed after. As hard as it was to hold out on him for that long I wanted him to trust me and get to know me without the intimacy.

 

So now to the disclosure.....

 

We went on a mini vacation out of town. I knew it was now or never. The first night I planned to tell him but I was too scared and I couldn't for some reason get it together. So then the following night came around and I was determined to get this off my chest. He was doing dishes and I was secretly reading these success stories to get me motivated and inspired. When we have this intense pillow talk afterwards I am talking in my head try to figure out how to start the convo and I cant get the words out of my mouth. So I thought Ill ease into it. Ill ask questions to get the ball rolling. He says something about me being "perfect." and this was my chance. I respond with "I am not perfect." I ask a question..."why do you think I wanted to take it slow? What do you think is the reason I wanted to wait to have sex?' He replies with "because you think I might leave, which I am not, and honestly I really don't know why?" (ok perfect im starting to ease into, and im thinking holy crap its happening and my heart is pounding) I warn him to listen and take in what I am saying because I am about to put my guard down. I say "I needed to trust you and I needed you to trust me and that doesn't happen overnight. Do you trust me?" and he responds with "yes". So I explain that I have hsv2 and ask him if he knew what that was and he didn't. I say its the virus that carries herpes, but you need to understand that with modern medicine these days it isn't what people assume it is. He was not even phased at all in his face at this point and was still all ears. I explain all the statistics, the suppressives I take daily, briefly how I got it and how if he wanted to be with me sexually, that he can not hold it over my head or make me feel bad about it because it had nothing to do with who I was as a person, and lastly I explained to him why I declined to be his girlfriend because I wanted him to accept me for the good and the imperfections. And I said if the offer still stands then I would like to be his girlfriend. He gladly accepted and then we finally had sex. He was sooooo happy when I opened up to him.

 

 

Since the disclosure it has only gotten better. We have a ton of mutual friends and he wants everyone to know we are together. He is even more amazing to me and I feel like a huge wait was lifted off my shoulders. Looking back at the disclosure Im proud of myself for doing things right. I let him get to see the real me. I continually showed him my confidence and he could see that if I was this happy with H it couldn't be that bad. I slowly opened up to him without rushing into things and I could tell that the more and more time I spent with him the better chances I had with a successful disclosure. So my best advice is give it some time and let them see the real you first. And for me, starting the conversation with questions helped me kinda get the wheels moving on the actual disclosure. And being confident is really important because people feed off others energy. He isn't the first guy I have disclosed and each one has been pretty successful because I waited till they knew the real me. I hope that my succession story gives someone else the courage to still let love in and to know that they are worthy of it.

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Annnnd.... THIS is why I try to get on here as much as possible to help people through those early days after their diagnosis.... because I know this is sooo possible when you can get through the other side ... especially if you let H be your Wingman (because it DOES make us slow down and really build trust and connection FIRST.)

 

Well done Chica! Keep us posted!

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  • 2 months later...

Hi!

 

Wanted to give an update since my disclosure. Everything has been amazing since my last post. We have been dating for 3 months now. I've met his family he has met mine. He has told me he loved me. We have had discussions about H since the first one and it never has made him uncomfortable or treat me any different. This is the real deal :)

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Thank you everyone! I really hope it helps inspire you guys to not get discouraged if it doesn't work out with whoever because eventually someone will come along who will be worth the wait. Like maybe a week before I met him I was joking to my dad that ill probably stay single forever. It wasn't easy transitioning to never having a problem getting guys to having to disclose to potential suitors. Getting H def made me learn how to find more quality guys who treated me like a lady than before I was wayyyy more shallow and dated boys or losers. My boyfriend treats me amazing and not only that but we share the same passions. With or without h this guy is perfect for me. I want all of you guys to hold the same values for yourself as long as your heart is in the right place. and remember to be confident! When the time is right it will happen you just have to put yourself out there.

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  • 2 weeks later...
  • 1 month later...
  • 2 months later...

over 8 months since it all happened. Starting to talk about moving in together/having kids in the future. like this is the real deal! I hope that others will get to experience the kind of love I found. There are many accepting people out there! Don't get discourage if it doesn't work out with someone, the right one will come along when you find your happiness on your own

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So happy to hear about this! Thanks for the blissed-out check-in! ;) Hugsss

This content is for informational purposes only. This information does not constitute medical advice or diagnosis. I'm not a medical professional, so please take this as friendly peer support. 

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  • 1 month later...
  • 3 months later...

tt88 thank you for posting your success story, he sounds amazing, and thank you and tons of props to you for being strong and awesome for disclosing you give me hope, I will one day find an amazing man!!! Thank you again, and I'm sincerely so happy for you!! I've kinda halted dating since my diagnosis and I did have unprotected sex w a guy whom I was seeing before I was diagnosed, but I didn't have an outbreak and was currently on valtrex, he hasn't been ill at all the I know of, and I did disclose to him, he got tested and negative. However he no longer speaks to me, just goes to show he wasn't for me. I pray your happiness and luck continues, so happy for you!!

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Thank you! It's been a year since I disclosed to him. Still going strong. As a matter of fact, I decided to stop taking my suppressives. We talked about it and I explained my reasonings.he was totally supportive and he was even able to see what an ob was (which we all know is not that big of a deal) even he was like "that's it?" Being really open and honest about it has made it such a minuscule thing in our relationship. It's like talking about the weather. To think a year ago I could never imagine having one of the best relationships pre/post H.

 

Just a side note even though people don't talk about their H so openly, out of the blue my roomate told me she has it after she got in a fight with her bf (he wasn't the giver either, nor was the fight about it) and I told her I have it too and we had an amazing open discussion about our experiences and it made us closer. We are two goodlooking girls who you would never know by looking at us yet here we are 2 of millions of people who have it. Life goes on and we should make he best of it!

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  • 3 months later...

@tt88 its great to hear such great success and acceptance! it truly lets others know that there's hope for a "normal" life/relationship, if normal does exist. I work in the healthcare field and have recently had to take my own advice about not letting the diagnosis define who i am as a person. I am still the same person I was before the diagnosis. Although I still have days where this totally sucks/is uncomfortable but i try to keep going with my daily life and things that i enjoy doing. i'm only hoping it gets better with time (its been less than a month since i was diagnosed) and that i'll be able to find someone as great as you have! Best of luck to both of you! :) Please keep sharing. I hope to be as open and brave with sharing to others that are close to me.

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  • 2 months later...

so a new update, we just moved in together! its been over a year and a half since my disclosure with him. our relationship has been solid since the beginning and H wasnt going to set me back from true love. I really hope that my story and updates have inspired you guys to put yourselves out there and show yourself how strong you really are! xoxo

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  • 4 weeks later...
  • 4 months later...

Thank you! Our 2 year anniversary is actually on Tuesday :) we moved in together this past August so h has never affected the progression of our relationship. I really don’t want to jinx it but I think he’s going to propose sometime in the near future. So H can kiss my ass :)

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