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Browndog

Just was told I probably have herpes

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After a week of progressive pain and irritation after a weekend that included both oral and genital sex with my partner of a year, I went to the doctor because I can't stand the pain anymore. I can barely sit or walk. I can barely wear big loose pajama pants and the pain down below is excruciating to say the least.

 

The nurse practitioner after just looking says yes it sure looks like herpes. She took swabs and I should hear back in a week or less.

 

I have never had a problem like this. I have had several partners and my partner has had several partners. What I read today is that testify for herpes is not standard so all my STD testing would never had caught it.

 

I am pretty devastated. I have cried a lot. I just turned 47 and I feel diseased and gross. And unlovable. I also am very confused as to how I got it. I have managed to not freak out at my boyfriend I told him what the np said. She also said it could be shingles. I don't understand how I go all these years with nothing and then this terrible outbreak. I didn't have any other symptoms. No fever. No achiness etc. just pain so bad it makes me want to numb myself from the hips down.

 

My questions are... Can I assume I got it from my current partner since the outbreak was right after oral sex that was more aggressive than usual? Will I ever know where I really got it from? And it's been a week, how much longer will the pain last?

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Does your partner get cold sores by chance or ever had them? There's a good chance it came from oral sex w him. Also, 80% of those w genital herpes are asymptomatic or symptoms so mild, they they aren't aware of it.

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I will have to ask him. I didn't ask him that and it's possible. My newest symptoms are like muscle aches in the groin and backs of my legs. This whole thing is really depressing. I feel horrible.

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Btw, did you also get a blood test done? If not, I'd get one asap, because it will tell you if it's a new infection or not. If it's new, it will come back negative, if it comes back positive, it means you've had it for four months at a minimum.

 

So how did your partner react to the news? I think it sounds like a strong possibility of it being from oral sex.

.I knkw you feel down and dirty, we all feel that way when we first get it and I won't lie that it can take some time to reach acceptance, but it does happen. You will start to go about your daily life and realize nothing has changed. When you're in the throes of agony during your primary, it can be scary, wondering if it's always going to be like this, but I can tell you it won't be. I had severe neuropathy on my primary, that made me feel like a burn victim on my buttock, back of thighs and w electrical shock like shooting pain to location of sores, to my feet, inside rectum and vagina. I would wail and whither in pain, ended up going to the ER and got put on nerve pain meds for four months. I cried over the fear that it would always be like this and guess what? My recurrents haven't been shit, but a bump or two and it may feel slightly tender to touch and that's about it. No burning when I pee, no neuropathy, I can go about doing what I did as if I didn't have it. I still occasionally get the aching and nippijg in my buttock and back of thighs, but nothing painful.

 

You're not gross. Getting viruses is a part of being a living being that walks this planet. All humans by the time they're adults, have about 3-5 human herpes viruses and we get most of them as babies and kids. Dogs, cats, dolphin's, monkeys and even oysters have their own version of genital herpes. Don't feed into the stigma. Do you think people are gross w cold Sores? No, society has normalized cold sores, cause those who get them, can't hide them. This is a grieving process and you will get through it. Hang in there.

.in the meantime, take long Epsom salt baths w a lot of salt and use bactine spray which has a numbing agent and will help dry it out, several times a day.

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Thank you. I'm glad to have found a place to post. I'm a wreck and the pain is maddening.

 

In response to his reaction at first he was detached it seemed. He acted like do you think I gave this to you etc etc. he came over last night and when we were laying in bed he tells a story of about 27 years ago with him hooking up with a girl and her calling from the hospital a week later saying he gave her herpes. He claims he got tested. Then later before he got married he thought he had a Venetian disease but it was a UTI. He acted like clueless. Maybe it hides? He feels like an idiot. Etc I gave this to you. I feel bad. But it was all very detached

 

 

So now today brings a whole new layer for me of oh my god did he know and never tell me? And what about the other women?

 

I will call for a blood test today I don't think I can go to work as my bottom is still very painful and I can't tolerate anything touching it

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If I get the bloodiest and it says I have had it for at least four months it could still be from him? We have been together for a year.

I just really feel like I got it from him. I have had boils from ingrown hairs but never ever anything other than a yeast infection down there. And I've only had about three of those in my life. One being since I have been with this man.

 

Ugh

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His reaction sounds pretty suspicious and like he knew he had it, especially after the girl called. If that's the case, I doubt he went and got tested for herpes. I bet he asked for a full STD panel, which doesn't include herpes. Men out of the two sexes, have the hardest time w coming to terms w H or even acknowledging it. They often don't want to acknowledge it, because they don't want to deal w how that changes/impacts their sex life. His detached responses speaks volumes of that as well. There's a post on here as we speak where jet partner is acting very detached from her diagnosis too and refuses to get tested .. Those are always red flags of someone knowiknowing for sure or had been suspecting that had H all along typically.

 

When you day your bottom is painful, do you mean the nerve pain or just the pain from the sores? If from the nerve pain, go to the doc and request nerve pain meds like Neurontin or Lyrica, as it really helped me significantly. I couldn't sit up for like two or three weeks, at least not very long.

 

Yes, it could still be from him, but his story sounds like he knew, so it's likely from him and you may just now be having an OB or it just may have taken this time to catch it.

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His response and reaction are really alarming to me and causing me a lot of emotional turmoil on top of what the stupid diagnosis is causing right now.

I still have pain from the sores but now the nerve ending pain has started. It's in my butt and my groin and left back thigh. It hurts to sit. I'm going to call the doctor back.

 

I don't know how to react to his reaction or what to say or do. I feel like I am waiting for him to break up with me now. Because it's clear he didn't think about any of the women. He told no one. Just went around having all sorts of sex.

 

I really appreciate your input here. It's about the only thing keeping me going right now. I'm sitting at work and the pain is bad and I think I will go home at lunch.

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Yeah for me, my neuropathy kept getting worse... My tailbone felt like it was on fire.. I took the generic version of Neurontin for four months. I would definitely get on it, if you're having issue w sitting. Be prepared for the doctor to possibly not believe that H is causing the neuropathy, but be insistent on it and say you have a friend that the same thing happened to. A yr n half later, my nerves have never been the same in my buttock and tailbone. Hard surfaces can be very uncomfortable for me at times, more so than at others or just sitting long periods where all the weight makes you distribute it completely on your bottom, such as office chairs. Buy one of those neck pillows that people use on airplanes to sit on, making your tailbone go over where the hole is and it helps provide some relief. Get on the nerve pain meds asap, as they can take a bit to build up in your system and reach full effect. It helped me immediately, to wear I wasn't crying and withering in pain, but it took about a week for me to feel OK sitting up. Why would he breakup w you? He clearly acknowledged he gave it to you, so why do you think that and guess what? If he does over this, then good riddance and tell him to not let the door hit ya, where the good Lord split ya on the way out.

 

That's going to be a tough call on what to do. You gotta do what's right for you and don't ever stay w w soneone, just because you have this, thinking knkw one will want you, because that's not true. Prior to me getting H, I had 7 friends w it. 5 are married now, 5 w kids and one in her 9yrs, had never been rejected over having H. I've disclosed twice and was accepted. After the age of 44, the number of women having H, increases significantly. It's 1 in 4, from 15-44 and I believe it's almost double that after 44.

 

Np at all. Feel free to private msg me as well, if you'd prefer to vent in private. Hang in there, it'll be OK. May not seem like it now, but it will. I have to ask my mom sometimes before responding to a post, to make sure I can relate and empathize w them, if during the first few months after my primary, did I say, cry or think about xyz back then, because I have forgotten just how much emotional turmoil I was in then! I remember that I was tore up emotionally, but I don't remember if I said certain things, like I'll hear a newbie say. Usually she says I did say something a lot, but I don't remember. That's me just trying to show you, that at some point, your life will normalize w this. You won't think about it constantly, you won't let it define your worth, it won't let you get you down.

 

I remember one time riding w my neighbor to go workout and listening to music; which I liked to do to get pumped to workout, that when a fun sexy song came on, that I felt I didn't have the right to feel sexy anymore and started to cry. I literally at one point in time, felt I didn't have the right to dance to music and be flirtatious or come off as sexually appealing. It felt like I was lying if I did and I didn't deserve to feel that way .. That's how much of a mind fuck getting this virus can be. Not too long ago, I'd look back at my reaction to getting this and the flare for the dramatics I had and laugh. All my thoughts, although they felt very real and justified at the time; were absolutely ridiculous and illogical.

 

Hang in there, you'll get through this. Hugs.

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Well my doctor just responded to my request for the blood test. She said she submitted lab orders for the shingles type and h1 and 2 and that they rarely do the blood tests because 'it muddies the waters'.

 

And my understanding is the blood test is really the only way I can know if I was the carrier and it just cropped up or if I just got this from my partner. But I'm also understanding based in the series of events I described and my history and his history and some things he did say... I more than likely got it from him.

 

I'm not looking to condemn him. Just looking for clarity because I fee

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It absolutely does not, unless they order the wrong tests and w her saying that, it makes me concerned she out you in for the wring ones. Call back and make sure she put you in for a type specific IgG Elissa test.

 

The rest of your msg seems like it was cut off.

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*put you in for the wrong ones.

 

When they out you in for IgM and/or a combined test, it does muddle the waters, because if you're positive for say HSV 1 from an old infection or have had chicken pox, it will cross react and give a false positive on hsv 2. It needs to be specifically the test I stated above.

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Ok. I will go back and ask again. I think I was mid thought and then lost it and clicked post. My brain is not too right. I lasted half a day and couldn't sit at work so I came home for another soak and more lydocane cream and a cushy couch. I'm grateful they let me work from home when needs arise. I will let you know what she says about the blood test

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Ok. This is quoted from the email she sent .... I placed the lab orders for HSV IgM and HSV IgG types 1 and 2. There is not a serum test available for the IgM categorizing in either type 1 or type 2. I hope this gives you the answers you seek. We rarely do the blood test as it often muddies the waters.

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NOOOO!? Do not take those tests! Wtf kind of doctors office is that!?

 

Respond back and ask for type specific IgG Elissa test. Tell her you don't want an IgM test or combined! This is evidence, she doesn't know shit about herpes. I knew it was suspicious when she said that shit to you about blood test muddling the water. Ask her and in the meantime, make an appt w planned parenthood immediately, so you can get the proper blood test, since your doc is proving to be incompetent.

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I explained it above... IgM is useless.. IgM just shows new infection, at least old school Theory, but they found it can pop up anytime. IgG, is the one that won't shoe for 3-4 months, after a new infection. Plus her tests allear to be combined. Again, if you have been infected w any other humna herpes virus, which I promise you have, because you exist, it will cross react on a combines test and give a false positive, which is then going to make you think you've had it all this time.

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Well I emailed the doctor back and found the planned parenthood in my area and made an appointment. So now I'm steaming mad that this is costing me so much money on top of that the neuropathy is getting a lot worse and has travelled down to my feet. It's not in my back but is around my tailbone and into my groin and the backs of my thighs and now my feet. It's tingling. My obgyn is being an asshole and I'm really pretty pissed. I would type a bunch of curse words but I didn't read the posting rules so I won't.

This really sucks. A lot.

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We all curse on here.. I have a filthy mouth. Planned parenthood works out payments. Trust me, the week I got H, between the GYNO, ER and having to see my GP to get a refill for the nerve pain meds, cause ER only gave me a weeks worth; I spent well over 500 dollars in that week. Yeah, my neuropathy started off mild and then got debilitating w in like 48hrs. I drive a stick shift and I was trying to use my left leg to push my butt off the seat, cause it hurt so bad, as I wailed driving to the ER. 800mlg motrin didn't do shit to help it and narcotics won't either, has to be nerve pain meds. I was so thankful for the relief from it, but it can have unpleasant side effects.. But I'm sensitive to medications that impact the brain, which nerve pain meds are actually anticonvulsants.. So you have to wean off then too, if you don't want a seizure.

 

Mine started w feeling like I had rode a bike for the first time in a long time. I thought my butt Bone's were sore from sitting in the tub so much. Then it started getting worse and spread to the back of my thighs and tailbone... The next day is when the shooting pain started to my feet, rectum, inside vagina and location of my sores. It would make me arch my back in pain. It was f'ing horrendous. Are you on valtrex? I wouldn't wait for the script if I were you. I'd either go to an urgent care facility or go to the ER to get the nerve pain meds tonight, cause you may get as bad I did.

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Wel mother fucker. That's awesome. I can't go to the ER because I'm a single mother of two and can't leave them home and won't find help tonight. The pattern is exactly as you described though. The feet just started and my legs are in a constant of buzzing and pain and yup on the ride a bike thing. Exactly like that. My gluts are killing me. I can afford it. I'm just pissed off that I have to pay it It really makes me mad. And I'm avoiding talking to my partner because I'm so angry at his reaction or lack of reaction if I did this to someone if even by accident I would bend over backwards to help them

Or yeah and the nerve thing is moving upwards into my sides like radiating from my hips and I can start to fee it in my middle back.

 

Dammit

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Yeah, I'm really sorry . I know what that's like. Can't you take your kids w you to urgent care? They have those open 24/7/ . I'm going to say a prayer for you, that it doesn't get worse, because it'll be a rough night. You didn't ask her to call in a script today?

 

Your partner is likely going MIA to avoid you, because he feels guilty, because he caused it. So he's running from his consequences.. I'm sure he feels like shit watching you go through all this pain. How much are you taking? Double it if you can. It's worth a shot, but typically this now has to do w your immune system attacking the infected peripheral sensory neurons and breaking the sheathing on the nerves, resulting in neuropathy. After mine dissipated a few months later, I had nonstop paresthesia. Like bugs crawling under my skin in my entire anogenital region for like 7-8 months nonstop. It took forever to feel "normal"... Well,... Now my " new normal " that is. I'm an anomaly though. Out of curiosity;... Do you have any autoimmune issue's, possible symptoms, any eczema, psoriasis, lupus, thyroid ississues?

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Funny you should ask I have rheumatoid arthritis which falls in the auto immune category my body has to work really hard to fight off infections and when something hits me like flu or cold it's like an all out attack.

 

So the night was rough. Sweating and fevers and I would have sawed my legs off if I could have gotten up. That sucked. I'm currently sitting in a sitz bath and sweating my ass off. I emailed the doctor so I should here back today.

 

 

Oddly enough the side and back pain and most of the leg pain is low or gone my feet tingle but I'm sitting Indian style and maybe cutting the circulation off.

 

The sores are still bad with the pain and it's hard to walk without yelping.

 

And I went off on my partner after he texted saying he was sad because his kids and dad didn't remember his birthday. I was like are you for real? My crotch is on fire I have constantly electrocution and stabbing all over my lower extremities. Fevers that make me hallucinate and I even rendered helpless you are sad? God. People can really be self centered. That made me cry but then I slept for a while.

 

So today I wait for new prescriptions. What does the valtrex do? And I'm back on my couch working from home the best I can.

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Yeah, I have Sjogrens, stage four endometriosis, hypothyroidism and Cushing's. I am unable to control H, because of my AI's and I feel that's why I had neuropathy during my primary.

 

Valtrex is the antiviral meds for H. Did your doctor not prescribe you anything? I'd still ask for the nerve pain meds, just incase it comes back. Valtrex helps stop the replication of the virus, helps w suppressing obs and shedding. It may not be a lot of help w your OB now, because it works best when symptoms first start.

 

Yeah, that is pretty selfish. I didn't even know that people care about their birthdays at a certain age. I'm 34 and I have not cared about it, don't celebrate it and won't, since I was 26. I also don't care if people remember it or not and call me. I'm really sorry you're going through this and feel so unsupported and alone. Do you have any friends you can rely on to help you out?

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