My Happy Disclosure Story

[Atlantic]

So I had my first talk ever. I am happy to report a success, and hopefully inspire you guys. :) The backstory: I met a guy on a mainstream dating site a few months ago (long distance). After talking, texting and skyping regularly for a couple of months, we met in person for the first time. We spent a couple days hanging out together. I felt an immediate comfort level with him in person, and there was also a lot of physical chemistry and kissing during the weekend, so I knew the talk had to happen because I had a feeling that we would plan another visit, and things would probably escalate to a more physical level the next time.

 

The talk happened right before I left to head home. As you would expect with my first talk (this is the first guy I have decided to disclose to since I had resumed dating post- H, I had been dating again for a few months BUT hadn't met any disclosure-worthy guy until this one :) ) , I was pretty nervous and shaky. But I remembered most of the pointers from this forum and Adrial's guide.

 

I told him how happy I was that we had gotten to know each other, and how comfortable I was with him, then explained that I have HSV 2, that I had contracted it in my previous long term relationship, and then tried my best to go over some of the statistics and transmission risk. I probably missed a few points. I had told him we could definitely talk about it more and to let me know if he had questions. He just said "it's OK" , "it's not a problem" and I must have been like "really?" I probably registered some disbelief at how well he was taking it. He kissed me and we hugged for a long time. Then kissed some more. He seemed more concerned about me, since I was all shaky and stressed out. :) .

 

I am still amazed at how great he was about it. We have been in touch since the other day, and I am still feeling a solid connection with him. Who knows what the future holds... I think he is incredible, and whatever happens, I now feel more close with him, and more confident in myself. It really is all about your approach to the talk. Be positive and start it off by focusing on the positivity of your connection with the person you're disclosing to. Establishing a strong friendship before hand really helps. Now, I know this guy is absolutely legit - I am really falling for him :)

 

I have to give an appreciative shout out to Adrial and my fellow forum members, especially Lelani, whose recent disclosure and relationship story uplifted me and motivated me to pursue this. Thank you all!

[Ajmj3726]

So happy for you Atlantic!! Best of luck with your new relationship!

[Angel]

Yay, great news. So happy for you and thanks for sharing!

 

[Beckie]

Woot-woot! That's fantastic! Your story reminded me of a quote I heard one time - "Do it shaking, but do it." Good for you for walking through your fear...very inspiring!

[Saliha]

Awesome! I had a similar 1st disclosure story a month ago and I agree with you...all of the handouts, statistics and positive stories on here on how to keep it positive and about not letting it define you, etc were so helpful!!! After the best date ever I too was shaking like a leaf and trying to remember the talk I had rehearsed a million times, because I had promised myself I would tell him before we went any further. It took about 5 minutes of silence to let him take it all in and then we ended up having the best night ever and he made me feel so beautiful. It is truly correct when they say that it can bring some relationships closer together...I told him I had never told anyone my secret and that I wasn't perfect, but was trying to find all of the good in it to move on, because that is how I am am....I am still an awesome mom, social worker, and friend. He agreed! :\">

[Atlantic]

I agree Saliha. Yes, it is refreshing when you meet someone who is so into you that h does not stand in the way, because they see the amazing package that is me(and I am awesome ;) ). It's still going forward with my guy, in communication, flirting and anticipating our next date (lots of anticipation since we're long distance). I've come a long way over the past year or so, to accept and realize that h is only a barrier in my head, not in reality.

[lelani]

Awesome Atlantic...I have just had the same and we are moving in together. We had our first kiss after I disclosed to him... and that's when he said he fell in love with me. It was my honesty and courage that sealed the deal for him. And I was shaking and scared too but had to tell him because of the distance thing. Herpes has a way of showing you the real person and if they are worthy of your love :-). Sending you lots of good energy Atlantic. xx