How herpes changed my life.... for the BETTER!

[Sassy2543]

Over 11 years ago, my family completely disowned me solely because they didn't like the man that I was dating. I was the perfect daughter but due to my family's "uppity" ways, they shunned me behind their own personal opinions. It was horrible. I worked 2 jobs and put myself through college. Money was scarce and support was nonexistent. I had to drink water out of ice cube trays just to have a cold drink. I was depressed and I let myself go....but I pushed through. I got rid of the boyfriend for cheating, graduated college, bought a house, and was doing well. Except for one thing.....serious rejection issues! I had to go to a counselor to deal with the cheating ex (rejecting me), my grandfather committing suicide (I wasn't worth living for, rejecting me), and my entire family's closed minds caused them to throw me away with ease (rejecting me).

Then a year and a half ago, the news came. You have herpes. I was devastated! If my own family didn't want me and my ex sought out other females prior to herpes, then WHO WILL WANT ME NOW??!! I was broken. I was worthless.

When I had found out, I had just met a guy. No other guy prior to him wanted a real relationship with me, so why would he want me once I tell him that I have herpes? The night finally came. He knew that I had something that I needed to talk to him about. After 2 hours of silence, I finally gave my first disclosure through a waterfall of tears. His response? "Is that it?" He then kissed me and said "You're my baby. Let's go to sleep." I was thrown aback. No rejection? He still saw that I was worth it even with this? We eventually broke up behind other issues. The next guy that I told about it was a man that I had been off and on with for over 5 years. He kinda shook his head with a little disappointment in me but was completely ok with it. The disappointment wasn't because of herpes, it was because I had caught it during the 5 years we had been off and on. He liked to imagine that no one else had a chance with me other than him. The third guy that I told actually found out on his own. We met online and went on one date in December. We got along so perfectly. He is so unbelievably handsome, sweet, and educated. He works a good job while working on his masters degree. He also owns condos that he rents out. I didn't believe that anyone so close to perfection existed! The connection was unreal. Well, he saw the medicine packet sticking out of my purse (I am always on the go, so I kept it on me since I did daily suppressive therapy). He researched the pill online without me knowing and angrily confronted me saying that I had deceived him. I had not slept with him or anything, but he thought that I wasn't going to tell him. I really was, but not on the first date. I needed to know that it was going somewhere first. I left and he called me while I was driving home. I stayed calm. I explained that I understood his point of view. I gave him the statistics and answered all questions. His anger subsided and he became inquisitive. We would text a quick "Hi" every few weeks after that and then I eventually quit contacting him.

I tell you these stories to say this. Last week, the guy that I have been off and on with for 5 years text me to tell me that he's ready for a big change in his life and wants me to be the center of that change. Last night, my ex that was my first disclosure called me after being broken up for a year and was damn near crying begging to come home. He explained that he knows he messed up and would give anything to have me back. And the third guy that was so angry with me? Well... Mr Perfect text me not 30 minutes after I hung up with my ex. He asked if I had a boyfriend and asked more questions about herpes. He explained that his initial reaction was what is to be expected from someone uneducated on the topic but that I did an excellent job of schooling him. He hates that I have to deal with the stigma when it's no different than cold sores and that I am "too much of an Angel to be stuck with a stigma." He wants to have drinks as soon as possible and he is comfortable to take it to that level if the chemistry leads to a relationship.

How can I deal with so much rejection prior to herpes? Rejection from men, friends, and from my own FAMILY? But, after herpes, the acceptance is unreal! I have found the courage to tell my ex and the 5 year off and on guy "No". I deserve better than what they put me through. Mr. Perfect, wellll..... he may still have a chance with me! lol. Even with herpes, I am now the one that people want acceptance FROM. I am the one that people see value in. I feel so much more loved and worthy WITH herpes! No I don't exactly love the fact that I have it, but I can say that it has not affected my life negatively in any way. I have made amazing friends through this site, I realize that it's still ok to hold myself to high standards. THE SAME GOES FOR ALL OF YOU! Herpes doesn't define who you are. It is nothing but a minor skin disorder. Hell, my monthly cycle is more annoying than herpes! I understand that it is hard to accept in the beginning, but life will go on and it will be wonderful! You are beautiful, you perfect, and most importantly... you are WORTHY!

 

[optimist]

@Sassy2543 Love it! Thanks for sharing!

[BoatyMcBoatface]

I found out I had GHSV2 last week and I'm single. I've yet to test the waters of disclosing to guys. Since you can meet anyone at any time I don't want to limit myself to dating people from H+ sites. I hope I have as much luck.

[Sassy2543]

@BoatyMcBoatface.... Definitely don't limit yourself in the dating scene. We tend to expect people to not accept us for having Herpes. We simply don't give people enough credit. Truth be told, most people who don't accept it do so because of lack of education as with my 3rd guy. But once I took the time to calmly explain and let him learn, he came.around. It just tool time , patience, and understanding. Just as we want them yo understand our situation, we need to understand theirs. It's a mutual respect.

You will be fine. You will meet so.e whondont accept it, but you will meet sooooo many more that will accept it. Keep your head up and a smile on your face. You will be surprised at how much your life will NOT affect you.

[BoatyMcBoatface]

Thanks Sassy. Mentally I'm not even over the guy that I believe gave this to me. He hasn't spoken to me since March, never answered my email. He doens't even know about my diagnosis yet. I know it's kinda messed up at this point but I still want him back and at least if I go out with him I don't have to worry because he probably has it too.

[Sassy2543]

I almost got back with my ex that called me wanting to come back home because of the fact that he already knows about my diagnosis.... But considering that he cheated and choked me when I found out, I figured that wasn't smart. Even with herpes, I deserve better. Same with you. I'm not rushing you to get over him because that takes time, but just recognize that you deserve someone who does right by you. Hell, there's a better chance of NOT passing herpes on than passing it on. I have had lots of unprotected sex and haven't passed it on. Don't let herpes be a factor in your decision. You do what is best for YOU. If you need someone to talk to, feel free to inbox me.

[Jeezy19]

That's an encouraging story and I'm very happy for you. It's still too new for me feel anything but devastated at this point, but reading posts like yours gives me a little hope.

[Sassy2543]

I'm so happy that I'm able to give you a little hope. Feel free to inbox me if you need.