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Hardest part is trying to get a handle on it, emotionally and physically, after diagnosis.

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I am a 25 year old female, and I was diagnosed with HSV2 almost a year ago now. Since finding out, it has been an emotional roller coaster. Going through the motions of denial, sadness, confusion, isolation, stress, shame, guilt.. definitely has a way of shaking up your world, and bringing to surface negative emotions and insecurities. It leaves you wondering where it came from, what triggered it, what continues to trigger it. This is what I have been struggling with this the most, since I found out the I was positive while I was with my boyfriend of 3 1/2 years, and had never had any reason to believe he was unfaithful (he was also tested, and told me the results were negative for HSV2). I had also never been unfaithful, but of course these thoughts cross your mind (and his) when herpes rears its ugly head seemingly out of nowhere. Like I said, I don't know what ultimately triggered it, and since finding out I have it, I would say I have had about 6 more "outbreaks" (mostly in the area where I originally found "lesions" [they looked like 3 little whiteheads] gets itchy, then becomes red/inflamed without any lesions) I don't know what is causing all the reoccurrences, and im only taking valtrex when I am having an outbreak (as prescribed by my doctor). It is great to know that my now ex boyfriend (broke up for other reasons) was not infected (he reiterates) , but it makes it so much more confusing as to how or why the HSV2 showed up when it did, and why it keeps reoccurring so much. I just want to get a handle on the physical aspect of it, and understand why it's happening (stress? Other issues?) so that I can really start to get a handle on the emotional aspect of it.


Is it possible for HSV2 to be dormant for 3+ years, then show up with avengance?


How can a get a handle on this?


I have definitely begun to accept that it is what it is. I have it, I have to live with it, I need to deal with it. It's just hard to move forward when you don't feel like you have a complete handle on it.


I'd appreciate any input. Thanks <3




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It's possible that your bf had it and gave it to you....did you actually see his results?? It can lay dormant and then come out during stressful times or during an illness. Educate yourself here and see about getting anti viral for daily use since you are having more outbreaks. It gets easier in time for most. Try to get appropriate rest, eat a clean diet and get some exercise.

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@katidid no, I didn't actually see the results. If I had, maybe then I wouldn't be dwelling on it so much. Whether he was being honest, and that I really had it before we even got together, and that he really got lucky not catching it from me, since I didn't even know I had it. I went off of the fact that the day he told me he had gone to get tested, he came home with a box of condoms. Had said that his doctor told him the blood test for HSV2 came back negative, and that he recommended he get condoms, because it effects everyone differently, and if he got it, it could be worse for him (I know that this is true, now). It definitely didn't help that the trust and communication in our relationship was frail. He even went as far as to say, when I disclosed, that he thought I was going to tell him I had cheated.. That he wouldn't have been surprised with how much he worked out of town. From that point on, I just blamed myself, and previous mis judgement of sexual partners (they just were people I wish I hadn't slept with in the first place, though I always used a condom). I really should just be focusing on dealing with it now that I have it, physically and emotionally, for the sake of my well being and the well being of future relationships. Though I have to admit, H has made me pretty insecure about future relationships, and sex.


@Bambina3 It was SUCH a confusing time, and continues to be; how could I have had it all this time, without knowing, and he did not catch it? After 3.5 years together, sleeping together with no protection? As terrible as it sounds, it was bittersweet. It was great that he had been so "lucky", but then how was I now to explain where it had come from? Plus I felt so alone with it. It made me feel like the "dirty" untrustworthy one in the relationship . All I could/can focus on was putting the blame all on myself; that something from my past had caught up with me, becoming my own worst enemy. I flip flop between blaming myself, and putting him at risk, but then questioning my trust with him because how is any of this possible? He still says he is telling the truth, and that he wouldn't lie about something like that. That he's never been one to cheat. That he never held it against me that I had it. It all makes me feel shitty about questioning everything, and that I put him in a position where he could have caught it from me (as far as I know, he's still in the clear, but don't know if he's been tested since we broke up). I want to believe him, and not have there be negative feelings between us. Damn H...



Sorry for unloading, guys, it's hard keeping all of this inside (as no one in my life, besides my sister) and trying to sort it out. It's so great to have this site as a support system, full of people who know where you're coming from/going through (for the most part, as all stories differ). I appreciate the support.

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Hello and welcoms!


So here's the thing. 80% (yes, EIGHTY percent) of people with herpes (oral or genital) don't know they have it. So when you keep obsessing about why you didn't know, there's one simple reason: when you go for STD testing, they don't test for Herpes. But they don't tell you that either. So people *think* they are STD-free when a large portion of the public has HSV1 or 2 (even if they have it orally, they can pass it to the genitals, so IMO they should be tested and educated as well).


Why didn't your ex catch it? Dumb luck. And/or he has a really good immune system. And you may not have been shedding much if at all at least until that first OB.


How do you "explain" where it came from? Well, either you accept it and move on, or you start going backwards through the guys you have been with, asking them to get tested if they have not already. However, as you learned with the BF, they often tell you they did the test but if you have not seen the test you are accepting their word and many guys would rather not know if they have it if they don't have symptoms....


I urge you to let go of the self blame for "putting him at risk". You can't take the blame for something you didn't know about (and that you wouldn't have known that you were not tested for) and from the sound of it once he knew he still accepted it and just took common sense measures (condoms) to protect himself... (esp as you are not on full time suppressive meds and are having somewhat frequent OB's). Check this out... it may help you to get how easily we blame ourselves for things that are not our "fault"




Handouts + disclosure e-book:


Herpes facts video




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@WCSDancer2010 thank you for the response. It is definitely crazy that it is not tested for, unless you have "symptoms" but most of the time, these symptoms are mistaken for many other things. I even think I was experiencing some "pro drone" symptoms before I had the first noticeable outbreak,, now that I look back on it (or I am now mistaking those same symptoms with an oncoming outbreak of pro drone, when they aren't even related) . It is really hard to tell, especially being a woman, IMO, with all the things that can go on down there (ie yeast infections, which I also had a problem with, or just general sensitivity, etc).


He really was just using common sense, and for the most part being reasonable about things. O guess what made it hard, is that we did not communicate well about it. I didn't tell him I was going to get tested, because I was in denial that it was anything (I told him as soon as I found out though). And his response, was for the most part calm and collected, though confused and definitely an air of concern of infidelity , which I always sensed was a concern of his. Which I what I was afraid of, and voiced that concern to him, trying to reassure him it wasn't the case. I got upset about the condoms, because (and my doctor agreed) that there was no way he didn't already have it (which in hindsight, was being naive on my part). I also made the condom use about him "not seeing a future with me if he was scared of getting it" (how ridiculous and selfish of me) I eventually guilted him into not using condoms, because we had not used them for most of our 3.5 year relationship, and it made me feel like he didn't trust me, or that he felt different (I feel guiltiest about this, it was selfish). I was told by my doctor to take my Valtrex when I "felt an outbreak coming on" (which I am now learning, it isn't always easy to tell, and I feel like I should really be on suppressive therapy). Like I said in the previous post, as far as I know he is still on the clear (somehow, but I hope it stays that way). And he has remained mature about not holding it against me, saying the issues in our relationship were never about that. But I somehow made it all about that near the end of our relationship. He said he never thought much about it once he came to terms with it. That its just a skin condition, that most people have or have slept with someone that has it. I honestly wish that we could have worked through the other issues in our relationship (communication mostly, and not being on the same page about our futures), because he is truly a good guy, and I'm baffled about how he remains so level headed about this whole thing, even though I didn't (and thought I was). I guess it added to my suspicion (which seems ridiculous) because I can't understand how he's remained so good about it. It's hard, and I'm dwelling, on how I acted about it all, and I guess projecting how I feel about myself, onto him. He doesn't deserve it. It's hard to take back things already done though. I guess all I can do is learn from it, and hope I didn't wreck him too much with my actions.


Thank you for the links as well :)

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