Successful and failure of my disclosing.

[SunDevourer]

I'm not sure I'm dealing with this as easily as I thought. I'm having mood swings with it. One day I'm completely fine and then the next day, sometimes in the next hour, I'm disgruntled. It seriously isn't what herpes is. The stigma is what's annoying yes,but there's stigmas for everything. I've told close friends and relatives. I haven't said anything to my parents. I don't think it matters for them to know and as my older brother told me" Man, I thought this was a need to sit down talk,but that's all you had to say?" I even told one of my past booty calls. He Said sorry, they have pills for that and when I get my situation taken care of let him know and we can still play. Which was nice to hear cause he's got a Big O magic wand... And that just makes me sound thirsty.

 

Thing is...were those, or was that, sucssesful disclosures? I don't think telling someone about my herpes and it ending up in rejection is a failure, or a success if it doesn't bother them. I don't need for someone to accept this about me inorder for it to be a success; I don't need their approval to feel better about myself. I think the real success is me being able to speak about it without any concern or shame of what the other persons opinion might be. what I want is unconditional love for myself. And part of that is changing the language around disclosing to someone and allowing them to have their choice. I am not a risk. I repeat. I am not a risk. I am a human being with a insignificant condition that's not even as near as threatening than the common flu. I don't like to think that disclosing to someone so they can have a choice to be with me or not is some fucking handicap.or informing them so they know the risks they are taking. Again I'm not a risk.Granted,yes, we want to tell people,but I want to speak of it as some side note and not some cautionary sign to my being. Not all of society may be there,but I'm not going to wait for them to get there. I will have to be that change. Starting with the man in the mirror. I'll handle my shit.

 

I've heard from many other people( before my diagnoses) that they have friends who are married with herpes. or someone would mention about a person they frequently have sex with and that they have herpes. There was never any talk of shame, but excitement. They were people they enjoyed having sex with and spending time with ,oh side note, and they have herpes.

 

I am not a risk. The only risks out there is being vulnerable. Don't think of what would you do if you could not fail. Rather think of it as what would you do if you allowed yourself to be vulnerable. It's no easy task. It's what I'm working on and probably why I'm having these mood swings. A risk would be having unprotected sex with someone who doesn't know if they are HIV positive and has never been tested. And yes someone people may say that they are hsv negative or use uneducated words like "clean." But people lie out there because of their own fear and shame. I don't want to be that person. But it's completely different from someone who doesn't reveal their HIV status. I digress...

 

 

“I could stop and live carefully but that's ridiculous. I don't want to live carefully.” Joan Rivers

I like this quote because she's talking about living life and not in fear. She's not meaning to be reckless. Use common sense, if you know what that is... Cause education is sorely lacking.

 

Well I can't remember all I wanted to say so that's about it.... I'm sleepy

[MMissouri]

I love all your posts and I agree with the disclosure part. I made a post about that once also. The success of disclosing is just speaking the words, not the outcome. Anyways, another good post. Keep them coming :)

[Sleeplessinsocal]

I disclosed after the act. While having the conversation he seemed understanding. The next day I get a text saying that he was restless and did not sleep. He told me he needed time to think about what I had disclosed. It was a painful week of crying my eyes out because of shame and the feeling rejected. Last Friday he asked if you could talk to me. We spoke briefly and he told me he wasn't angry at me. He also mentioned he had gotten tested. Should I have apologize for not disclosing before hand? That's what I'm struggling with right now.

 

After our conversation last Friday I sent him a text asking if all he was interested in was a friendship. I haven't heard back from him. I sent him a text this morning asking for him to please share with me what his test results are once he obtains them. My second question is to all who may be reading this and like to please help me is the following; what are the chances of him getting it we had sex three times. The other thing I thought of is he is an older man he's 57 and he has never been tested for herpes. he also lived in the UK for four years. With leads me to believe that the possibility of having it is high. How would we know if he had it before I slept with him. Anyone out there who can give me some insight would be greatly appreciated

[MMissouri]

The apology is up to you. Do you feel the need to apologize? If so, then do it.

 

The chance of passing it on with only 3 sexual encounters depends really. The type of sex, the state of his immune system, protection used, if you were shedding, if you take antivirals, if the sex was rough, etc. Sometimes it's just luck of the draw. They may or may not get it.

 

The only thing that may establish how long he's had an infection would be IgM and IgG levels. He may very well already have it at his age. But whether or not he's willing to listen to the facts is another story. If he's already ghosting you, you may never know.

[SunDevourer]

There's a great video on here in the motivation/ inspiration category

Seek that out at look for the video on shaming.

 

 

 

If you feel the need to apologize do it. Perhaps you feel this way from guilt of feeling dishonest? I can't say.

 

Try" I need to be open with you- don't say honest- I haven't completely revealed parts of myself to you because I've been afraid. And in no way have I jeopardize you( I think maybe that works cause it might douse the fear a bit.)

 

I take it he got tested shortly after you?