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Almost three years later the nightmare returns


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Hey everyone I know it's been awhile and I'm sorry. I guess for a while I forgot I even had hsv1 and I have neglected this site. Clearly I remember again and I wish I Didn't. In October 2013 I was diagnosed and going through a horrible ob and probably in the worst mind state ever. U couldn't deal with the reality of this and it distroyed me. I hate everything I was and couldn't think of living with this forever. Then slowly it got better. Then it was a year and still nothing I felt amazing and lucky. Fast foward to now up until 10 mins ago everything was great. Going from thinking about nothing but hvs 24/7 for months to not thinking about it at all for years at this point. In 10 mins all that heartache depression and pain came back when I discovered my second outbreak in the works. I honestly never expected it would happen again I embedded in my head I was normal and healthy which now I see is bad because all of that pain and depression I hoped I would never expedience again I'm going through almost 3 years later. I'm not sure I can't live my whole like waiting for this next episode. I feel like the past three years have turned back and I'm back to that devisteaing time

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@sab123. It sounds to me as if you convinced yourself that you weren't going to have to deal with H after you were lucky enough to not experience symptoms for awhile. So is it the outbreak that is devastating (as in physically painful) or the fact the fact that you are being reminded you have herpes?

 

If it's the latter, then I think that ignoring it while it's away is not helping you heal and adjust to the fact that you are positive. And that is a big part of the healing process-acceptance.

 

I'm not trying to dismiss your symptoms or your pain (whether it be physical or emotional), but you were outbreak free for three years? That's wonderful. So once you make it past this outbreak, maybe you will be outbreak free for another three years!

 

You are healthy, and you are normal. Try not to sink into the stigma. You will make it past this outbreak just like you did the first. And life will return to normal. Hang in there.

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Thank you it's both but I hoped I would never feel the way I I did the first time again and then bam it's like a slap in the face. I though that when it happened again I would just deal with it but all the initial feelings came back

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I agree, it's so easy to forget about it when it's in hiding. And when it shows up again it can be a set back. But if you are okay with your status, you would be taking this in stride. It would be a nuisance/irritating but it wouldn't get you down. Maybe you can use these times to pamper yourself. Outbreaks become a focus on you week. Turn it into something positive. Instead of feeling down when you see that outbreak, try thinking okay, my body needs a break and it's time for some me time! Need a haircut? A mani/pedi? Or maybe you can splurge on a massage. If you like to read, slip into something that makes you feel wonderful (go commando!) and grab a book. Or have a netflix night- movie marathon! Enjoy nature? Then go for long walks. Yoga? Wine? The possibilities are endless.

 

We should start outbreak jars lol. Save up some money that we can't touch until we have an outbreak. And once we do- yay! Time to go shopping!

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I wish I felt good enough to do any of those things I don't even wanna get out of bed Saturday afternoon and Sunday I felt better o thought Maybe I was wrong but checked again and they were there. To I feel like they spread it was so long ago that I don't even remember how my first one went I just remember a lot of tears and weight loss and pain for about a week. This is just more of an irritated feeling that I know is there not so much pain but I feel it

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