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Keep him as a dear friend. Good friends are very hard to come by. He was honest with you in how he feels so that's being a good friend. I think I would let it go, but ask that he please keep this confidential. Let him know you always want to remain friends and that you truly respect his decision.

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Leep go on YouTube and find the Adam ruins herpes video.

 

That's a good one to show our partner about herpes generally isn't a big deal.

Also get on Valtrex and use condoms so you can bring the risk down to minuscule levels.

 

You can tell him that you know people who have been married for years and never passed it on and that's even without condoms and Valtrex.

 

Also, present as attractive as you can be. That might help sway his boner in your direction despite H.

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@hippyherpy. I'm on valtrex and to my knowledge I've never passed H onto any of my partners. I provide full disclosure of what I have since that choice was taken away from me when my ex husband didn't tell me he had it. For the most part potential partners have been ok with it and wasn't a big deal. I guess I don't want to come across pushy and drive him away with bringing up the issue again after he made a decision.

 

@katidid thank you for your advice, he is a very important person to me. I think more than he will know. Why is the crap so hard. Lol

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@Leep I understand what you mean....just do what dude said get dressed up accentuate w/e it is you feel is your strongest asset and look like you goin on a date and run into him or have coffee with him and he will wonder where you goin and non nonchalantly say you have a date then don't contact him for a few days....sadly at least what i have realized now is this whole thing is all about manipulating the perspective....its like a con that might just be my bitterness talking but love and all that I no longer have room for it....so basically make it as though u moved on until A it makes him jealous or B you really do move on.....

 

@hippherpy yea that video is coo n all but it downplays it to the point of angering idgaf what buddy on youtube say If i had a choice i wouldnt have it that its just like chicken pox is dumb af bruh cmon now...the video is decent I get what its saying but theres liberal understanding but then theres just over the top and no matter what oral HSV1 will never ever ever ever ever be the same idc about the science because public perception will never adhere to that...I KNOW its the same virus but i say idc cuz thats not how the real world works sadly....that video did nothing for me but think this dude prolly dont even have herpes lol

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You never know....a little bit of time and he may actually change his mind. Likely he is going to come across H again... very likely and they may not know they have it so you are actually much safer than most out there. I know, I can be very hard. Hang in there gf and stay in the loop here

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@hippyherpy I already have and you a dawg with it like you a beast lol i commend you....its just that what I hear and your experience are so much different...ive never heard any one say they coo with it or sleeping with someone that had it I just haven't came across that in real life....idk where u find them girls at but again u get it in lol I feel like id become a social outcast and looked at as a leper if I came out like you did....

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The majority of past partners (not an extensive number lol) were ok with it. There's only been one or two, well now about three that weren't ok with it. Disclosing is by far the most terrifying thing for me. I'm opening myself up to being hurt. In this recent case it's torn me apart. I literally cry just about every day now. I feel a big loss from it. But I've found if people are educated about it then it tends to be a non issue. I totally butchered disclosing it to my friend last week and now he's pulled away. Wish I wouldve done it differently. I still want to give him the Disclosure PDF from this site put don't want to push it after he said "it is what it is and have to move on". Im at a loss.

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don't blame yourself.....again don't blame yourself....if you play tha if I woulda done this or said it like that game in ur head you finna end up goin cray cray!!! lol but seriously...let it go...either way you my hero for disclosing so just let that be it....if this wasn't about herpes you describing being placed in the friend zone lol the person reaps all the benefits of having you around without doing what YOU want to do....so thats why I say start to pull off and like Hippyherpy said just go see him when you lookin right...ass lookin good etc lol please dont take offense to how I talk aha but just brush him off and act like you gotta new boo even if thats only netflix and ice cream...im just saying dont blame yourself and dont wait around....dont trip, YOU GOT THIS KID!!!

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We work together and today was the first day back to work after I disclosed. It's very awkward. Normally we talk, laugh etc. but today there's none of that. We had awesome chemistry, the best chemistry either of us has ever had. Now it's like I'm the most unattractive/undesirable person on earth. He's moved on and I can't do anything about it. And now I don't know how to get over him, unfortunately I fell in love with him. And of course now I can't share that with him.

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@Leep I understand wanting to give him all the info without feeling like you're badgering him. However, trying to pursue a relationship where he's talking about abstinence isn't a relationship. I'd tell him you have some more info and ask if he'd be willing to read it. Make him aware of the way his reaction is making you feel. I dated a guy for 4 months. I told him in the beginning and he said he wanted to continue to see me. Was willing to talk about it but was never willing to have sex. I don't think he realized how that made me feel. Every time he came over I got my hopes up that this will be the night.... but it never was. We ended things here recently. It's not just about the H- one's reaction and feelings. They need to make sure we're comfortable too. I think we all tend to forget about that. We can't allow someone to make us feel less than human. Giving people time to process is absolutely necessary. It's hard to tell where to draw the line. But if he's important to you, def try again to provide some info. If you're important to him, he'll listen.

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@JJJ2015 thank you so much for this, I may just try that. I know the news was a shock to him and maybe just maybe he does need time to process things. Also I know when I started doing my research it was terrifying what I saw. The pictures you find on the Internet are enough to deter anyone. I want to give him facts and research studies that were done along with the stats. The handout paints a more positive picture about the big H. He told me up front he's never had experience with it and didn't know anything about it. His abstinence reaction could very well be fear based of not knowing. I just want to know in my heart I've done everything I could so I have no "I should have done that or this". He did tell me has more respect for me because I did tell him. That's a start I guess. I need to find a way of reopening the conversation in a positive tone.

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He doesn't reciprocate anymore, I say fuck 'em and move on. There's not enough time to waste with people who don't get your vibe. If he's going to be illogical and side with the stigma over your friendship/loveship, than he's no use to you anymore.

 

Truth is, most people are more similar than they are different, and what usually makes us fall in love with someone isn't something special about them, but the circumstances in which you met.

 

There are other fish in the sea, so don't let this dead fish pull you down to the bottom of the ocean.

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@hippyherpy I think you may be right. I approached him and asked if we could talk soon. He had a look on his face like now what are you going to talk to me about. Later I text him and let him know it was nothing bad at all. His reply was "you know I'm always here to chat". But today he's not really receptive to me. I have the feeling I've been written off at this point. It's a hard pill to swallow for sure. I never wanted to lose his friendship it was worth more than anything. But I guess if it was true friendship I wouldn't be losing it.

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I'm thinking now that he really wasn't /isn't that good a friend to be shunning you over this. A good friend would be very interested in your well being and would def lend an ear. I guess, he was wanting to get somewhere with you (sex), but now that you've told him about H....he is done. I know it's hard.....I promise another guy will come along and H won't matter one bit

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Leep I feel for you. There is nothing that makes this better. There is no way you can want someone else to be willing to take any risk getting this. And unfortunately the risk is never 0. You just have to find a way to have peace with it. Just think if you fell in love with someone who is married... You just have to live with it. I've researched herpes a lot in the past couple of weeks and there is just no way around it. You have to tell the person and be ready to accept never seeing or hearing from them again.

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You are not doomed just because one guy decided he didnt want to take the risk!!! I've had H over 30 yrs and have had two successful disclosures......one who I am happily married to for 20 yrs now and is H negative!!! I personally know of another discordant couple with grown kids and are very happy. There are plenty of educated people out there who know H is not the big deal some make it out to be. Yes, some people have much worse symptoms than others, but that does not mean they are doomed to a life of celibacy. It is the "other" persons right to either accept it or walk away....just as it's up to them to wear a condom or not. Very personal choice!

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I agree with chargeit2thagame. Picking apart how you disclosed doesn't change the outcome. I think that it would be the same even if you did it with confidence (just a feeling from the way he's behaving). I'm sorry things went this way, but I agree with the others. As much as it hurts, I'd act like his behavior means nothing to you.

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