Confused...

[chargeit2thagame]

Well basically im young kinda lol 26 yr old male and not in a relationship...Im a demographic that doesn't really seem to be found on here or anywhere too much probably due to the fact that most people that I identify with culturally just ignore or lie about stds...im what republicans call tha "urban" population lol...im actually black and white but culturally am more black if I was forced to align with one...with me and my friends there are situations where girls will have sex without really knowing the guys and no this isnt a ground breaking turn of events im just saying there basically having sex like its nothing like the type of girl that brings her newborn baby to a guys house she met on FB and has sex with...lol my dilemma is if I was to wear a condom and not be in an outbreak is disclosing necessary...if your letting someone you don't know enter you or entering someone you don't know...why is disclosure morally right?? its kind of confusing...I feel like disclosing is giving your partner respect and trust...sometimes...honestly...trust and respect is not warranted...its literally just sex without a shred of emotion...and now that I am hyper aware the amount of people having raw sex with strangers is mind blowing....like on my soul tha shit crazy....but yea isnt part of being a responsible adult making sure you are safe and asking your partner if they have anything?? ive been in situations where the girl literally says NOTHING....AT...ALL....like doesn't care if you go raw or not...vice versa I have friends that I pray for because there just entering anything they can raw...its like wow...lol....I was in a situation with my friend I haven't hung out with in a long time due to herpes and my with drawal from society and social interaction..and he had two girls coming over he met one on FB and has had sex with her raw and basically the girl and her friend were what the Politically correct era refers to as sexually liberated girls lol and I went home which confused him but i made up an excuse....idk it just seems unfair to have to disclose to people that most likely would never disclose to you....thank you for taking the time to read my post...( urban doesnt mean my experience is difference im just saying I feel as though its not really rep'd the same way but maybe Im wrong)

[janedoe]

Hi,

 

Welcome to the forum. I dont wanna sound bitter but I think it is only fair if you only hear the other side of the story. The sexually liberated girls as you say it... I havent had a one night stand in my life, I actually prefer fwb. So, I was seeing this guy for 3 weeks, I asked him abt his test results, got tested myself, used a condom half of the time... by your definition I'm a responsible girl. Then 3 days later I found tiny papercuts down below and diagnosed with h. The guy was asymptomatic... after seeing his actions, I understand he's a waste of breath in this planet. And I'm not gonna lie I wanted to kill him. The pain he caused is too much to bear. I blame myself everyday and wish that he has some accident to leave him paralyzed or sth. So, the answer to your question: we disclose because we care abt our partners' health even though they dont, we dont want them to go through this emotional trauma that we did and we disclose cause it is the responsible thing to do. Lastly I disclose cause I want to give them the choice that I wasnt given. If they dont want to take the risk it's fine by me. No hard feelings. If I pass h to my partner whom I disclosed despite my best efforts, I can sleep at night.

 

You're a grown up man who can make your own decisions. I cant force you to disclose. I just want you to realize the remifications of not disclosing.

 

[optimist]

@chargeit2thagame I'm sure many people will share info on disclosure, so I'm just going to address something you said about your demographic and about risk in relation to that demographic.

 

You may or may not be aware that HSV2 is more prevalent among both black men and women, with a majority of black women being infected with HSV2 by a relatively young age (more than 60% of single black women in the 25-29 year old age range are infected with HSV2, source: http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3020161/figure/F1/). Many factors likely contribute to this disparity in risk and infection rates between blacks and non-blacks, including a somewhat segregated dating pool, but the disparity holds true regardless of number of sexual partners. A black man or woman who has had only ONE partner EVER is 4.4x more likely to be infected with HSV2 than their white counterpart. I mention this because some of your comments focused on a relationship between promiscuity, likelihood of existing infection and expectation of disclosure. There is significantly higher risk and infection rate among black men and women, regardless of number of sex partners.

[chargeit2thagame]

I Tend to be attracted more to hispanic women...well thats a lie ALL woman lol but as a reference point I was trying to give a little background of who I am culturally. I represent the population that is content with not being in prison or dead by 25 sad but true so Im bringing a perspective perhaps that is not on here because I know most people like me or identity with what I do live in shame/ denial/ or just don't know or care to find out....again im not saying im unique lol....I guess i was saying is disclosure necessary with what we call hood rats....and thats non gender biased its just a description....any race can be a hood rat or gender...I feel the same way its just the right thing to do is disclose but its just hard to wrap your head around disclosing to someone that might put your picture on facebook with captions or something crazy like that its actually scary and depressing lol...

 

@janedoe aha i feel u lil mama the rage one feels is deep and primal but sounds like you legit got dealt a bad card...I broke rules to this thing here and suffered the consequences. it sounds like you are like the girl I mention a few lines down... I hope I didn't offend you....the spectrum is so complicated its hard to explain I don't judge a girl on how she get down...its just the lying that makes me think their character is flawed...goes for males too...I used to date this girl I really really cared about I was younger and fucked up with some things so it didnt work but she was enamored with how I would tell her not to trust guys cuz they lie...i actually brought up stds and told her dont believe everything from everyone...she was and still is a sweet heart and predatory people take advantage of that...I was personally lied too in my heart and soul and intuition feel she knew and when I asked she said she was clean ( I asked right before and the next day) or ill say negative of everything but that wasn't the case...its alarming to me how condoms are really not forced I have rarely met a girl or know a guy that push the issue about condoms even on first time encounters its mind boggling...I started with one but after a 5th of vodka my judgement was on idiot mode so yea here I am lol...

 

@optimist wow thats fuckin...ridiculous like straight up its like wow...very very interesting statistic...

 

Its things like today I was with people that are basically like family and stds came up and I was saying how Herpes is overrated and mouth sores were the same and the convo ended with my guy friend who is very smart saying "thats disgusting" and his wife saying " I dont think I could deal with that" when I said there are people married and one has it....its times like these I just looked down and filled with shame and sadness....even if they knew...im sure they would be nice and encouraging in my face...its what they would say in my absence that haunts me its the shift in perception that causes me trauma and stress things of that nature...the convos with people prior to catching this and hearing and being apart of the talk of so and so has H and how I would kill myself if that happened laughing....its those kinds of things that cause me pain....

[janedoe]

Well, how about you start dating with better girls? I blame myself partly cause I cant believe that I spent time with that a.hole. I'm sure if he had acted decent, I'd not have blamed myself this much. Also, looks like you need friends with better perspectives. I told my sister and my closest friends and they were nothing but supportive. I suggest reading hippyherpy's posts. He has done tons of discloses with success...