Disclosed for the 1st Time - Went as Bad as Expected

[BlueAlexis]

I got the HSV 2 less than 3 mo ago with a guy I had been dating steadily for a few months. He never had any symptoms, but my body immediately reacted when it came into contact with it. I had the all out fever and chills...it sucked. Doc said there weren't even antibodies in my blood yet when I went to go get tested.

 

Fast forward, dating someone new. We moved too fast and we had sex before I could disclose. I came clean to him last night, it was our 3rd time meeting up. The look on his face was of pure horror, it's what I mostly remember from the whole ordeal. He let me talk but looked utterly shocked. Before I said anything his hand was on my leg but as I came out he physically moved away from me and I felt like a fucking lepur. He asked for time to think. We texted today and in a nutshell he said he couldn't risk it, that the fun wasn't worth it. He's also freaking out that he got it, I explained the facts. I'm not sure he absorbed it all.

 

This hurts soooo bad. It's such an icky feeling, being rejected for something I was given and can't control having. Please tell me this gets better. I don't want to ever disclose this to anyone again at this point.

[SunDevourer]

He's an idiot. Thing is he could have had it prior to meeting you and not know type 1 or 2. You aren't a lepur that's something else.

I have a friend who's HIV positive, and has been for a good portion of his life. He would tell me how some of the guys would react to him when he disclosed his status. One guy he was cuddling with. He told him and the guy jumped away from him.

 

And you know what? It seems that when this happens It's only being shallow and afraid. You're less likely to get it from someone who knows than someone who doesn't. Not sure what it was he couldn't risk. Wonder what he thought about.Being in a relationship with you? When someone wants to be with you they aren't making a risk, but don't get it twisted now. Even if he was fine with it he could have been a bad apple. You can't settle because you may think you're self worth is less. No no No Boo boo. You are worth loving.

 

Dating sucks anyway. It can get better. It doesn't get worse. I mean did you love this guy? Was he your other half that made you feel whole. Was he the butter to your bread? Was he the milk in your cereal?

[WCSDancer2010]

@BlueAlexis

 

I'm a 35+ yr carrier... so I'll shed some light on things for you 🙂

 

1) Well, yeah, to be honest this is not an abnormal reaction given you already had sex. You just gave this guy one hell of a reality check about sex... that if you don't "have the talk", if you have sex with someone without KNOWING their status, you are playing Russian Roulette with your sexual health. So of course he's freaking out.

 

2) I ALWAYS tell people that no matter what, you disclose before sex. If things are moving too fast, *we* know our status and it's only right to let the other person know of that risk.

 

3) At the *same time*, it sounds like the guy never attempted to bring up the subject either. So he definitely is accountable for his part in this... and perhaps that is part of his reaction... he could be beating himself up for not having "the talk" too.

 

4) You are not a Leper ... you just made an error of judgement. Try to think about it in his shoes ... if you had sex before you got H, and then were told that the other person carried Herpes ... and you don't have clear info on the virus. It would have likely been pretty scary for you too. And it likely would make you stop and think about your sexual practices and to be honest, that is a GOOD thing for the person in the long run.

 

5) I suggest that you read all the Success Stories that you can on here. We have tons of people who have found the most amazing H- partners ... most will say that they end up finding BETTER partners after H because this virus will show you who is into YOU, and who just wants to GET INTO you. You need to learn how to let H become your Wingman ... and believe me, you can learn a LOT about a person when you see how they react to the disclosure, and how they are once the info sinks in and they get informed.

 

6) Herpes can be a litmus test to show you the REAL person you are with. It can take awhile to learn how to observe and interpret their behaviors. And THEIR behavior/reaction has NOTHING to do with who YOU are.

 

7) In your case, there *is* the issue that you had sex first and that definitely gives him a bit of a "pass" on his initial reaction. Give him time, and if you can, give him the handouts and links below so he can become informed and make a more rational conclusion about whether he wants to continue with you or not. I hate to be so blunt but men will often pursue a woman and have sex *before* they think about how they *FEEL* about them. And we women feel pressured to have sex not only because we like it, but many will get physical in order to "keep the man's interest". I don't know your reasons for getting physical (there can be many factors including drugs/alcohol) but what we women have to be realistic about is that if we want to be with a man just for sex, then we have to be ok with them walking away for whatever reason. If we want a man for LOVE, then we need to slow things down and see what they are saying and doing to show that they are into US as much or more as they want to "get into" us ..... at THAT point if you disclose (or have disclosed) then you are likely to find that the man values you more than a minor risk of getting something that he's *very likely* been unwittingly exposed to many times if he's at all sexually active. THAT is the man you want in your LTR life 🙂

 

(((HUGS)))

 

http://projectaccept.org/who-gets-hsv/

 

Handouts + disclosure e-book:

https://www.herpesopportunity.com/lp/ebook

Herpes facts video

 

[SunDevourer]

There is also that. Telling someone after. Should be expected at times for them to freak out.

[Bambina3]

It takes two to have sex...and like one of Dancers points, he didn't make an effort to even ask a single question....no one is perfect.

Hugs!