Just began processing my diagnosis.

[D12345]

I was in a three year relationship when I had my first outbreak. I was shocked as I had been in a long term relationship and couldn't understand how this could happen. Turns out my ex knew he had herpes but did not disclose to me. My first outbreak occurred after I had a Brazilian wax, which I guess made me more susceptible. It was on Valentine's Day as well, fantastic. I stayed with my ex in an unhealthy relationship because I felt hopeless. It allowed me to push the diagnosis to the back burner which of course only worked for so long. Now that we have separated I feel like I have been newly diagnosed. I am dealing with all of the feelings I tried to ignore. I don't think I have ever been this depressed in my life.

 

I plan on taking time alone and out of relationships as I am waiting to have a full physical exam in August. My focus is my healthy and my relationship with my son. However, doubts of meeting someone who will see the real me are prevalent. It's already hard to meet people as a single mother and now this. I don't have any close friends to talk to. One friend I discussed this with, gave me the advice that I don't have to tell people/everyone but I don't want to perpetuate the shame I already feel.

 

I also feel guilty because out of a negative/hopeless/reckless/shameful place I drank to much and had a one night stand w a stranger. No outbreak, and used protection but as I read more I understand this doesn't fully prevent passing it on. I've only had one outbreak which makes the concept of this disease even more difficult to grasp. I feel like such a horrible person that it why I will stay celibate and focus on my self until I can get my self-esteem, physical and emotional health up.

 

I know I probably sound very negative and I'm sorry. I've been holding all of this in for months. Thanks you for listening.

 

D

[SunDevourer]

It is what it is. You shouldn't feel horrible and you don't sound like a negative nancy.

 

"You live you learn

You love you learn

You cry you learn

You lose you learn

You bleed you learn

You scream you learn." Alanis Morisssete

Have to quote that because I love her and music therapy is nice.

 

When shit happens it can really wear us down. We're all pretty vain creatures, and if anything this really attacks is our vanity. But do not falter. Taking time away from dating can be a nice break,specially just to focus on yourself. A simple solution to your fears of someone not wanting to be with you because you have a kid or because you have herpes. They aren't worth your time, nor should you go on dates with them to see if they have potential.

 

Some people may take your friends advice, some don't. My advice, start doing the things that you loved, or enjoyed . Since getting out of this horrid relationship, I'm encouraging you more to do this. Once you start doing this you may realize how little of an obstacle this really is.kind of like " it's not the power of the curse, it's the power you give the curse."

 

Getting out of the relationship you were in is probably a new diagnoses called being single. Some people are happy when it happens and some aren't so happy.

[chargeit2thagame]

so your negative vent wasnt that intense and your bottoming out behavior was a one night stand WITH a condom??? ayyyy real talk....if thats what you consider wreckless and the most negative you prolly a really really sweet girl...the kind that mufuckas like ME don't really believe in like yall are unicorns...leprechauns...or cops that arent racist...(haha jk...*akward silence*....oooook than but yea you seem like one kind of girls that when I was dating I would read a sense of innocence that I felt needed to be protected so I would teach them things or tell them not to trust eryone...I may be projecting what I felt about them onto you but idk i just got that from your post and how you thought it was super negative...so don't trip you'll be aight kid!!! and single mom??? where im from thats the status quo...its alllll good...idk bout no alanis morisette lol but i agree with buddy music can be therapeutic I would suggest some Bob Marley...everything gonna be alright...

[MMissouri]

@chargeit2thagame I have to say, as much as SunDevourer's posts make me smile, your's crack me up. I love that this forum has so many different types of people/perspectives.

 

(on another note, if you are someone that previously went by another name, I'm glad you stuck around)

[chargeit2thagame]

@MMissouri ah yea? im glad to hear that...thats my aim if I can make yall laugh esepcially someone that just got the news they got it then I feel I helped out even if its suuppperrr minute and little..so appreciate that

 

(I dunno what you talkin about......=P)

[MMissouri]

(I think you do..=P)

[D12345]

@SunDevourer- thank you for that, Alanis does have the ability to help release feelings :) I think I was feeling a little more freaked out because a guy I went on a date with said he doesn't date women with children, which I understand, but than I was thinking that's not even the tough part of my life.

I really appreciate your advice, to start enjoying the things I love, which are things that tend to be put on hold when stressed out. So I'm going to focus on those things, my son, building my career, and the works.

Although some days I know I will just end up crying and wondering why the things that happen, happen.

 

@chargeit2thagame- lol!!! Thank you that makes me feel a little less guilty about my wreckless behavior. I agree I'm learning more about taking charge of my own health. It's hard to trust people and like I learned even after knowing someone for a long time they can surprise you. I do my best to believe that only hurt, scared people hurt others. So, I'm doing my best to empower myself, take charge and build up my self esteem so I don't feed into that fear that leads to behavior that isn't healthy for me.

 

 

Haha yes music therapy "sounds good", no pun intended. Ok, it was intended. I like Alanis and I love Bob Marley so I'll have to mix it up with both and throw in some EDM lol

 

Thanks again for your responses! It really lifted my spirit.

 

D

[chargeit2thagame]

fashooooo

there you go mix it up...just be easy with that EDM shit you don't wanna dance yourself into a coma lmfao jk =)

 

[Sassy2543]

@chargeit2thagame I have to agree with MMissouri that your posts crack me up! It helps to see how there are so many different views and personalities coming together due to one common situation. Thanks for sticking around and keeping us smiling!

 

@D1234 . It is definitely hard dating and disclosing... I'm dealing with how I will do my disclosure right now and I'm pretty much a mess about it, but I have learned that most people are truly accepting of it. We just don't give society enough credit. As for the one night stand, don't feel bad. The risk was low and things happen. Keep your head up. You will be great! :)

[D12345]

@Sassy2543 I hope it goes well for you!! Yes I'm trying to restore my faith in humanity. I feel a little better and plan on focusing on what inspires me instead of what brings me down. This forum adds a lot of support that I have been missing.

[chargeit2thagame]

@sassy2543 thank you! =)

[November0001]

Im in the same boat. Just recently found out. Single mom. I am in the getting to know you stage of some one really great and i really like and dont know how to disclose. We had sex before the diagnosis and just completely scared of the future.

 

I hope we keep posted to give support to each other and everyone else here. Its sooo devastating! Thinking of being alone too and focus on being healthy for me and my son! And i know youre thinkng if doing the same

[SunDevourer]

You don't even have to play that support feel good music!

 

Make yourself a sexy mix and play that music. Dancing to it. Have a BIG glass of wine and you'll start feeling great. Now what you do after that is all up to you, but it's energizing and makes you feel confident.

[MMissouri]

@sundevourer, I have a feeling you'd do sexy minx much better than any of us. LOL

[D12345]

@November0001 I'm sorry that sounds difficult. I can relate to the fear of having to disclose but I have been watching helpful videos, some by Ella Dawson, she has an awesome Ted talk! I think the pressure before the disclosure is often more intense than the result of disclosingso I wish you luck! I am working a lot on self love and gratitude, but some days are just very depressing. Definitely keep me updated!

 

@SunDevourer haha!! I'm going to a concert this week and will dance away some stress!!!

[November0001]

@D12345. Its really hard! Specially its only been a week since i found out. Went to the gym this morning and just listened to music and next thing u know, 2 hrs passed by! I need to get myself together. My son can see im really sad and i dont want him to go through this and be mentally scarred because of me