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Diagnosed today; need to disclose after diagnosis

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Hey guys and gals, this is my first post, I'm a 29 year old male who found this forum through one a podcast Adrial was on a couple weeks ago. Thank you Adrial for making this forum, it comes to me at a time of need as I'm sure it has for other members.


I had a bump appear (what I thought was innocuous) a little over a year ago back got tested came back negative and never thought of it again until a similar bump came back around the same spot a couple months ago and got retested. After the original breakout, doc never told me I should re test and I went on about life. In the back of my mind I had a feeling it was h but was probably in denial and didn't disclose based on my self-diagnosis, which feels awful now that I know for certain.


So I was diagnosed with HSV 1 & 2 today. I've been sort of expecting this since I got a call back from my doctors office a couple weeks ago to schedule a meeting for blood results discussion. I've accepted this condition for myself, I know I need to make some lifestyle changes for the better (i.e. quit smoking, stop drinking as much, and make better decisions in my sex life) but my main concern now is my girlfriend.


I've been dating her for almost 2 months now, we've had sex and now I need to disclose (a bit late). We've always used condoms but I'm still worried I've exposed her and also that she might leave, although that's beyond my control. She's coming back from a long trip tomorrow night and I have to disclose at some point tomorrow after midnight ... Any tips on how to break the news?


Another thing, I asked my doc about antivirals he suggested against them since I haven't had any recurring breakouts and it wouldn't be great for my liver. Is this true? He said to practice safe sex (condoms), and to refrain from sex if I have an outbreak.


All in all I feel shitty not disclosing or refraining from sex earlier based my self diagnosis and now I need to disclose after the fact. Please help.


Thank you all for taking the time to read this.


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Well, I would explain that your std test a year ago was negative therefore you assumed you were negative. I mean, that's very reasonable. Has she mentioned being tested prior to your dating? Maybe she has it too.....you never know. At any rate, you've been practicing safe sex so that's a positive. It's really all you could have done till now. I would just tell her you had a suspicious place show up and found out you have 1 and 2. If she cares about you, she will accept it. I would suggest she get tested right away. If she's negative then the ball will be In your favor showing her how safe sex actually does work. Good luck! Also, I think I would go on anti virals since you have 1 and 2. I think it's a pretty safe drug.

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Hi Katidid, thanks a lot for your response, I really appreciate the words of encouragement. She has mentioned testing, as have I, which was the time I mentioned with the false negative. She's been tested earlier this year, and told me she was negative but I didn't ask whether she had every test, maybe it was only the typical testing. That fact encouraged me to go again which was before we had slept together last month. I got my results from my doctor today over a month after testing and found out my status. I'll definitely encourage her to go get tested again. Thanks again for your introspect!

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@Goodlife86 If she did not specifically mention HSV testing, it is most likely she has not been tested. It is most often NOT included in standard STI panels. Typically, HSV testing is not included unless someone mentions experiencing what are considered classic symptoms of genital herpes (which ironically are experienced by a minority of people infected with HSV) or they specifically ask to be tested for HSV.

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Thanks optimist, I really appreciate the messages you've sent me, you've helped me a lot today!


I find it strange that they wouldn't include the HSV test on a standard screen. If 20% of the population has I'd think it would raise the knowledge of HSV and maybe remove some of the stigma associated with it.

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My pleasure, @Goodlife86.


I think the statistic you are referring to is the portion of the population aged 14-49 with HSV2. The percentage of the population in that age range with HSV1 is significantly higher. I mention this because STI panels that *do* include HSV will typically include both types (as yours did).


Also, keep in mind that genital herpes can be caused by either HSV1 or HSV2. It is believed that roughly half of new genital herpes cases are caused by HSV1, most often transmitted via oral sex.


You might find this infographic of interest: http://projectaccept.org/who-gets-hsv/

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@Goodlife86 Opinions will differ on this. My personal opinion is that it's best to educate yourself as much as you can, then keep your disclosure brief and simple (it's a lot to take in, just conceptually), and offer to answer any questions she may have. Then in response to her specific questions, I would provide specific answers from your research and/or point her to resources that address those questions. Again, just my opinion.

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