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timing, new friend, road trip and hot springs

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hi all new here, not new to our friend herpes, but i just met a new friend, that i'm liking a lot. we've been out twice. he last night invited me to join him on a road trip, in which we will explore shared interest in plants and hot springs. so 10 days potentially on the road , with this new friend, whom i've not even kissed, let alone come close to talking about sex or the herpes business. im feeling really stressed out about it. i've disclosed before and its always nerve wracking but my quandry is this. do i wait until it comes up on the trip, because hot springs and 10 days, its more likely than not things might turn intimate , and risk having a terribly awkward uncomfortable trip if he can't deal with it ( i dont know him THAT well, but a trip would be great way to get to know each other...hmmm- the trip being a good or bad idea itself isn't so much an issue, i feel safe and comfortable with that)

or tell him tonight, before we leave, and say, hey, just because things could maybe go this way over the trip, i wanted to tell you xxyz and let him have a chance to think, and give his feelings/thoughts a chance to be aired and decide if continuing as planned with the trip is what he wants to do? or just go, refuse to have more than "safe" non intercourse/oral and say i['m not ready for more yet, and have the talk later, after we've gotten more aquanited. but i can absolutely see myself wanting to be intimate and enjoying it- barring this thing...i just dont want to make a trip uncomgofrtable for either of us if it doesn't go over well... :S ugh. halp!!! i need to make this decision tonight!!

thanks!!!! <3 <3

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I would go. If you are that comfortable with him, why not? Since it's so new, Id wait for the disclosure/intercourse. You could do quite a bit without exposing him. You haven't even kissed yet, so it doesn't sound as if he's going to push anything more. Get to know the guy and see where it leads.


Best of luck.

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@Dandelion This is not advice. This is what *I* would do in the same situation. I would disclose before the trip. If the outcome was negative, I'd feel I'd dodged a bullet. If the outcome was positive, I'd be even more super excited about the trip.

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I may be late to the game if you've already left, or disclosed, but here's my thoughts. I would go and enjoy your time with your new friend. I would not disclose or sleep together until you're back from the trip. Maybe say, "things are still new with us and I'm just not ready to sleep with you. I'm enjoying my time with you and want to get to know you more". Do not put yourself in a situation where you may sleep together before you've disclosed. I have a strict "pants on" policy until I disclose. My pants stay on until I disclose. He can unbutton them and put his hands down there, but only with my pants still on. Do not drink a lot of alcohol if you think that will put you in a vulnerable situation. When you get back, have the talk. Say, "I really had a good time and I want to keep seeing you, but there was another reason why I wasn't ready to sleep with you during our trip...." good luck!

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pants on and hot spring feels a bit challenging, but i do feel like this might be the road i should take. i have rsvp'd yes and havnet disclosed, so i think i'm kind of hoping it wont become an issue, but hot springs...eh....i guess i just wear my suit or underwear ...or soemthing, i dunno. ugh i've never felt so awkward about it. i try to have the conversation as soon as it seems reasonable that we'll be together intimately, but in this case i feel as if its a great opp to get to know this person but the situation puts everything in a bit of a rush and potential for akwardness. thank you all for the responses. i suppose if it comes up and ends up being awkward or bad, i just catch a bus or a plane home from the nearest place.....not how i want it to go....but not the worst thing in the world i suppose. <3 do you ever get to a place of not dreading/hating the disclosure talk. ugh. i've done it only 3 times, and it was positive except once, and i later discovered that he was a total ass anyway...too late, but anyway, i dont EXPECT it to go badly, but its so dreadful the anticpation of it. does it get easier???

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Well it had to happen in a most awkward way, things started to get physical and I was feel g into it, stopped him and just said , hey before we go further than this, I have herpes and u have condoms, Are you comfortable with this? He didn't ask questions but said thanks for telling me, and we proceeded with condom. The strangest disclosure yet and not how I'd anticipated or wanted, but it's out now, in honesty and he didn't make a big deal of it. Just was really in an awkward position and had to spill the beans, timing was forcing it. Sooooo... Thank you for insights. We'll see what happens next!

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  • 2 weeks later...

@Dandelion that's about how my disclosure went and we've been married almost 21 yrs and he's H negative to this day. We were on our first date....mind you, he'd been after me for a while to go out. He wanted to jump right into the sack so I asked if he had condoms, he said "no". I said "well, that's not very smart in today's world, I have herpes and you'll need one". We never looked back!

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