Mouth Herpes and a Single Person's Sex Life

[Ohhmandy]

I recently contracted HSV1 in my mouth. As any person would, I jumped right on the internet; and eventually found myself reading pages and pages of this forum.

 

I'm not finding too many instances where people talk about their struggles with HSV1 in their mouth only. I'm a single straight gal who enjoys casual sex with many partners. And my main concern, and what is causing me the most sadness right now (well, besides all the pain from the sores), is the idea of never being able to kiss someone or give a man oral sex without possibly transmitting the virus to them.

 

Kissing and performing fellacio are 2 of my favorite sexual activities. If I meet a guy at a bar and we hit it off, and he goes in for a kiss, am I really suppose stop him right in his tracks and disclose to him that I have mouth herpes? I understand that telling him would be the right thing to do, I get it. But that is such a buzzkill! Ugh! Also, how could I possibly give a man head ever again? I will have to find a man who is ok with the risk of getting genital herpes. Pfffftt. Good luck to me.

 

Are there any other single people out there not in relationships who have mouth herpes. How do you get past this? Help! I love kissing! I love fellacio! I feel that my sex life is over.

[optimist]

@Ohhmandy I think it's great that you want to be responsible about potential transmission, but it might also help you to put the risk in perspective.

 

It's my understanding that most adults have oral HSV1, though most of them don't know it. Those who have been diagnosed as HSV1+ are generally advised to abstain from kissing and oral sex during outbreaks. My understanding is that the medical community does not recommend abstaining from kissing when asymptomatic because it is believed that has too high an impact on quality of life. On the other hand, they do generally recommend using barriers for intercourse (many people do) and oral sex (some people do) outside of a monogamous relationship to help protect from all kinds of STDs, including HSV. It is not because genital HSV is more severe than oral HSV1; rather it is because it is seen as a reasonable preventive measure vs. abstaining from daily affection (such as kissing) which is seen as too limiting.

 

As for disclosing, some people feel it is necessary to disclose any know oral and genital infections. Others only feel the need to disclose genital infections. Still others don't feel a need to disclose at all if they are using condoms and not having an outbreak. The advice of health professionals varies in this way, as well. In general, on this board, the philosophy seems to be that it is best to share whatever knowledge you have, whether the infection is oral, genital or both. I know that sounds like a drag, but it gets easier with time. It doesn't have to be a total buzzkill, it can be a great reminder to have a discussion about safe sex before getting physical which is a good idea anyway.

[Ohhmandy]

@optimist Thank you for the response.

Do you know how effective antiviral suppressants are at preventing transmission? Once I am taking an antiviral and I am not having an outbreak, what is the probability that I will transmit mouth herpes through kissing or oral sex? I'd like to better understand the risk, so that when I have disclosure discussions, the both of us can decide what we are comfortable doing at that risk level.

[optimist]

@Ohhmandy You'll want to ask a doctor about that. I think (but am not sure) I read that antivirals are only recommended to treat symptoms of oral HSV outbreaks, not to prevent transmission. Suppression for oral HSV is not mentioned in this dosage schedule for Valtrex either: https://www.drugs.com/dosage/valtrex.html

 

Best to ask a doctor, I think. But again, keep in mind most of their patients have oral HSV1, so they will likely have a different perspective on the importance of reducing transmission.

[chargeit2thagame]

tell em ( if you feel you really really have to but nobody cares about oral herpes) you get cold sores...most guys will just look at you like uuhhhmmm oooooook and move on with life lol thats coo your being so responsible but the disconnect of oral herpes and genital is so rampant that people just do not care...most people don't disclose oral cuz there is no guilt associated with it...If the doctor told me thats what I had I'd just be like ok and never even google herpes lol but again thats really thoughtful of you to be so concerned =)

[hippyherpy]

Get on some Valtrex and go suck some dick. Supposedly, you don't have to tell if you've got herpes in your mouth because something like 8/10 people have it.

 

That said, this forum is about disclosure, so do that.

 

I sometimes wonder how it's possible tha I didn't receive hsv1 on my cock after all of the oral sex I've had in my life.

 

I still don't have it. That's why the numbers and stats are confusing. I don't have it in my mouth either, and after all the girls I've kissed, I should have it based on statistics. Have kissed probably a thousand or more girls by now.

[optimist]

@hippyherpy If you have genital HSV2, that's providing partial protection from contracting oral HSV1. If you'd contracted oral HSV1 first, that would've provided partial protection from contracting GHSV1 and HSV2.