Is there dating apps for people with herpes?

[howdidithappen]

I am getting so frustrated with this "disease" that comes with so much judgement, misunderstanding, and emotional distress. It is a skin condition. Eczema is a skin condition. Acne is a skin condition. All reappear in certain environments, yet we know that these are normal things that people have to deal with. It seems to me that H is too. I wish I could enter the dating world with a clean slate. Dating is hard enough and having H can be isolating. I was just wondering if anyone had any good resources for dating with herpes and if it's successful or not? Is privacy respected, etc. Just blurting out thoughts in hopes of some possible other routes to move forward in my life.

[hippyherpy]

Yes- any of the major dating apps work fine like OkCupid or Tinder. I've been with more girls off of those apps in the past year, post herpes diagnosis, than most men will in their lifetimes, regardless of herpes.

[optimist]

@howdidithappen There are dating apps specifically for people with herpes. Personally, I haven't tried one because 1) I know most people on the regular dating apps have one form of herpes or another, 2) I've had uniformly positive disclosure experiences after returning to a regular dating app after diagnosis (even met a guy who was also HSV2+), and 3) I would imagine the pool of daters on a herpes specific site would be rather limited, considering how few people are aware of their positive status. However, if it appeals to you, I don't think it could hurt to try one out. If you're concerned about your security, you could leave your profile photo blank. A friend who uses one of those sites told me a fair number of people on the site choose that option for privacy purposes.

[howdidithappen]

Thank you guys so much! I really appreciate the feedback. @optimist and @hippyherpy, how did you disclose with the dating app. Did you do it before meeting or in person?

[Dolphingirl6]

@howdidithappen there is also an offshoot app from Okcupid I believe, maybe match called positive singles. This is specifically designed for people who have tested positive for things including herpes. Might want to give it a try. Good luck!

[optimist]

@howdidithappen Different people handle this differently. Some people feel it's important to go on several dates and let someone get to know you first. Other people feel it's important to never disclose in the heat of the moment when clothes are coming off. So I can tell you how I choose to do it, but it's just one of many ways to do it.

 

I'm one of the types that doesn't want to wait to disclose until clothes are coming off, so rather than meeting for a drink which could potential lead to something physical happening spontaneously, I suggest meeting for coffee. If there's no chemistry when we meet, I never disclose. If there's chemistry, I'll disclose whenever I think we have started moving in the direction of potentially becoming physical. For me, it makes no difference if that's in person, over text or on the phone. I'm more driven by timing and conversational cues because I consider it more of a dialogue about safe sex, not a one-way bulletin.

 

I do sometimes disclose before meeting if I've been communicating with the guy a lot and we've already started flirting in a way that makes me think things could escalate quickly upon meeting. That might sounds odd, but I'm in a very casual dating phase of life, open to both dating and FWB situations, so things can escalate quickly if there's mutual attraction.

 

I think once you start doing it, you'll figure out what feels right for you.

[hippyherpy]

Disclose on a need to know basis. I usually don't disclose until sex is immanent. Check out my ladies man disclosure thread.

[howdidithappen]

Wow I was writing in such a fury that the title sounds ridiculous. Sorry about that. Should be "ARE there dating apps for people with herpes."

[howdidithappen]

But thank you all for all of your advice.

[libra]

Yeah! I used Positive Singles and it was pretty bleak at first. A lot of the guys were creepy and I started to lose hope. Then I found this amazing guy and we started dating after he got back to the US from Africa (he was deployed). But he actually got retested after we'd been dating for a few months because he was asymptomatic and it turns out his first test gave him a false positive result. But we're still together, he doesn't mind whatsoever because he had already gotten comfortable with it, and we even live together now. So there's so much hope.