Disclosing: When your version of an OB is nothing like the pics on the internet...

[confidentlee]

Hey y'all,

 

I've been having some difficulties trying to disclose H to my current friend with benefits. We have been sexually active on and off and I just recently found out I have H1-2. I remember having a conversation with him when we first started to knock boots and he asked me right after having oral sex if I had H. At the time I did not know. I have never had any symptoms nor really thought about it. My biggest concern would always be the life threatening STI's such as HPV or HIV. Moving on...

After all, as time went by and my stressful job totally compromised my immunity, boom! I got a little blister right below my Coccyx aka the tailbone. It did not bother me at all. As time went by, we hooked up again and we were once again talking about STI's and he mentioned that his biggest fear was H- his face was full of disgust. I tried to be compassionate with him but his ignorance sort of made me want to take care of myself at the moment, so I chickened out and didn't disclose. I did tell him that H was not a big deal, it can flourish anywhere in your body even in your damn toe. He ended by saying that people are selfish by not disclosing and the pictures on the internet are proof of how bad H is. I'm still struggling with disclosing it to him. We are still having protected sex, and I have a lot of courage to disclose, but I still need time and practice to process his reaction, whether negative or positive. BTW he does not want to pursue a relationship with me, he says he get's cold feet and ends relationships when it gets too close to commitments. Maybe this will be our challenge. Lemons.

[sam57]

I understand why you may be hesitant disclosing to him judging by the way he has expressed his feelings about herpes. But the right thing to do would be to tell him, think if you were in his shoes. Wouldn't you want to know? I agree the stigma against herpes is terrible..people make it out to be way worse than what it is. But he deserves to know so he can decide for himself.

[confidentlee]

Thank you so much for reading and responding and I totally agree with your response. It will happen once we meet up again in October.

[maiharmony]

I understand where you are coming from. I think you should tell him and send him links to this site especially the h partners section. Trust me the rejection and is way better than how u will feel if u give him h without telling him. He could react in a terrible way and that could bring u down. I gave my boyfriend HSV 1 during oral and I didn't even know I had it. He reacted in a bad way and I went through hell. I had also found out I had h because he got cold sores, I was also trying to come to terms with it and he was texting me everyday ranting and blaming me saying I've ruined hs life. It was a terrible experience . I wish I had found out about my status and disclosed before passing it on to him everyday.