Did i wait too long?

[Marie89]

Hello all! So I have HSV II. I've had this going on 8 years now. A couple months ago I started dating this really great guy. We have known eachother a while, and he is just everything I could ask for. I've prolonged the talk obviously for fear of rejection. But now I'm afraid that I've waited too long. I've developed very strong feelings for him and if he is not ok with my situation, I'm going to be completely devasted. On the other hand, I'm aware that allowing him to develop feelings for me without knowing my whole situation may not have been the best idea. I've only had to have "the talk" one other time and it was cringe worthy. My whole issue is that I find it very hard to say "I have herpes" to anyone. Let alone someone I care about. Does anyone have any advice for me? I really don't want to go into this conversation an emotional mess. Thanks!

[JingleBelle]

I had the same worries in my current relationship. He wasn't pushing for sex like most guys so I let thinks progress for a while first. I knew he had fallen pretty deeply for me and I for him, and I started to feel a little guilty. But at the end of the day, it's all in why feels right for you. I finally decided I didn't want it hanging over my head anymore. I wanted to be able to enjoy the fun beginning stages of our relationship without it constantly being in my thoughts "oh that plan next month sounds great (if we're still together)" things like that. And I also had a feeling it wouldn't be long before he asked me to be his girlfriend and I didn't want to have to ruin that moment with my disclosure talk! So I finally picked a day, psyched myself up, practiced and went for it. And I'm so glad I did bc he was great about it and it hasn't been an issue at all. And now I can enjoy it all!

Just know that there is no right or wrong amount of time. It's good to develop a connection with someone and feel comfortable with them first. My advice would be to try not to get emotional and don't act like its a huge deal. Bc it's not!! I've found over the years I have carved my talk down to a short matter of fact statement and a few facts thrown in. If they want more info be ready to give it. And if they want more space let him know that's fine too. But if he truly cares for you he will listen and be respectful no matter what his decision. Practice as much as you can so you get comfortable with what you are going to say and read some success stories for inspiration. If you need someone to chat with feel free to message me!

[Miji69]

Hey there, just got through reading @JingleBelles inspirational and supportive words on my thread and here she is again being a fabulous support to you. I just came by to offer a little support and solidarity in your situation which is very similar to mine. I'm guessing I'm a little older than you though ;-)

Sometimes, a strange thing happens here.. You struggle with your own dilemma then you read it in someone else's and you have a clarity that you could not find for yourself.

It's a big valid question "Have I left it too late?" or "Have I let things go on too long?"

But what IS that? Herpes is not the only dealbreaker at the start of a relationship, I had a discussion here a couple years back and when I disclosed herpes, the guy I was dating disclosed some harrowing childhood stuff that I thought I could handle and help him through. Turned out it was THAT that ruined our sex life and not herpes. You and he have had two months together but it could be years into any relationship before you truly know that person. Herpes is really so small when you look at the problems life can throw at us at any time. As @JingleBelle says, we've got to take care of our feelings too. We have a right to date and be out there living and looking for happiness. We most certainly don't have to apologize for wanting to be loved. Not that this is what you're saying but there can be that sense that in a disclosure, that's what we're doing.

You've got a great chance for happiness here but life is fluid. Keep an open mind and that will reflect in how you deliver what you have to say and help his mind stay open too. Hey, I know it's hard. Look at my post! I'm also here if you want to message me. I'm going for it this week with the guy I've been dating a similar amount of time so I will be back to let people know the outcome.

I'm sending good energy and vibes your way. You're a lovable human being with a skin condition. That's all. Just remember that!