Incredible Shock in Misdiagnosis turning my Relationship Toxic

[JAE234]

Hi Everyone,

 

I am very new to this so I'm not totally sure where I should start without rambling too much. Brace yourselves. In March, I had gotten severely sick, flu like symptoms, vaginal blisters just excruciating pain that completely freaked me out into thinking I had herpes. I went to urgent care not once but three times and as many times as I asked about it the doctor was "positive" I did not have herpes because I tested positive from BV. This made more sense at the time because I had been in a pretty questionable hot tub the day before I experienced the symptoms. So I let it be until a few weeks later when the bumps came back. I went to another urgent care who swore they were just tears and I was overreacting, but I forced a IgG test anyway. It came back positive for HSV 1 antibodies and I freaked. Until I did my research and realized I've had cold sores since I was a kid but made 0 connection to the vaginal blisters so I finally got to book an appointment with my primary doctor who then did a culture test and 2 days later called and said I was negative so since then which was about April, I've been totally fine. No bumps or anything, back to the same sex life I had before with no issues to them or myself.

 

In July I met a guy who completely swept me off of my feet. I've never really experienced a good serious relationship before but everything about him felt right. In the beginning of September, he got very sick. At first he felt like he had the flu and then his throat was just killing him, I took it lightly though because I know he is extremely dramatic in any kind of pain. Nonetheless, I took care of him as much as possible and drove him to urgent care 4 times to get to the bottom of this. After the first day he got sick, I noticed vaginal blisters again and immediately panicked as I had read in the past about people who tested negative but it was false. Of course before we had sex I had told him about the whole situation and it was under our understanding that I did not have anything. But I couldn't shake the feeling so I went back to my primary doctor and had them do another test of the blisters, during this time my boyfriend got his blood tested and everything came back negative so he thought I was fine, I still talked about it to him seriously about the possibility of me having something and giving it to him or having something at all and he said it wouldn't change his feelings for me at all. Monday, my doctor called to reveal that I was positive for HSV 2. At this point, I immediately call my boyfriend hysterically crying and wondering how this could possibly happen and he just remained calm and told me he still wasn't going anywhere. Somehow that completely changed in less than 12 hours. He tells me he just wants to be friends regardless of what happens. So I'm trying to come to terms with this new diagnosis and now need to come to terms with yet another failed relationship. That night my friend also died in a car accident. It was just a very horrific day.

 

The next day, my now ex calls to tell me that he has bumps all over his mouth and his genitals hurt. This was his breaking point, "Stay the f*** away from me, I can't believe I trusted you to be a good girl, if I really have this I just hope I have the balls to kill myself". I was extremely heartbroken and at a loss for words. Not so long after he calls back to apologize because he believes we shouldn't turn on each other and we need each other. But all day it was just a back and forth between him hating me and telling me that I'm not going to leave him and then apologizing. He contacted my mom after I stopped returning his calls and she tried as hard as she could to explain that not only did all my previous partners have been tested and never showed anything positive but that he's slept with twice as many partners as I have and has never been tested and that with my frequent doctor visits and test results I had no reason to believe I was putting anyone at risk. He did his best to understand that and tried to apologize today. I accepted until the conversation turned south. He asked if he could come over because he does not have any friends or family other than his brother on this side of town and needed support and of course I am more than willing to help. However, he then questioned me paying him back for giving him herpes I wish I was joking when I say this but he felt as though I should do anal with him today to pay him back. Obviously I said no because it seems he's having an outbreak and we aren't in a relationship anyway. In the beginning he tries to say how badly he wants us to be together again and then he totally changes to "how dare you have the audacity to say no to me? You give me this disease for the rest of my life and then refuse to give me what I want. In fact, when you start working at your new job I want all of the money that I wasted on you to take you out on dates and all the copays to urgent care" I don't know if I'm overreacting but that was enough for me. I stop returning his calls and answering his texts and I was extremely afraid to be alone at home. He has now apologized again and I told him the truth about his rage and how that resulted in me being afraid of him and I have yet to hear a response. I'm just shocked, heartbroken, angry and depressed. I've had a very long history with depression and severe anxiety but I've never been like this. I guess I just really need some insight on how I should be handling this. I have yet to start thinking about my life living with hsv 2 because I've been so focused on him and losing one of my friends. I don't even know if this is possible, but the people I have been talking to about this are now questioning if I could've gotten this from him based on my past tests. I just don't know what to do and it's becoming far easier to sit at home and think about giving up than even talking about it to anyone.

[Faithwhope]

Oh wow. I'm sorry you're going through some crazy shit! I recommend seeing a therapist ASAP. Try to calm down and maybe ask for Xanax from your doctor to help you cope through this period...

Also, the problem is we really don't know who and when we got this shit. We may have had it all our lives (few years back), but never had an outbreak until you got super anxious. And or you were mis diagnosed few times... and something emotional triggered it such as losing a FREIND or the anxiety of getting std s.

Anyhow, this is the problem we face ::: who, how and when did we get it? The reality is that it really doesn't matter. Why ? Because what sucks is that we have it. And there is nothing we can do to change the fact... We have something we don't want. Even if really knew where it came from it wouldn't change the problem.

 

I was where you are many many times many many years and sometimes even to this day.

The conclusion I come to is that I don't know 100%. And I should let it go.

But I do know 99.99% who I think it was because she did a lot of shady things when she got into drugs while she went to school to become a fucking Doctor. Yes a doctor. So remember just because someone is a doctor and or some high professional asshole doesn't mean you can trust them.. Let this be a lesson for everyone!

 

Stop beating yourself up for it... We fucked up and made mistakes along the way by trusting someone and also by taking risks because we got horny or because we were hurting emotionally and at that moment Wanted to replace the pain with faulty companions in our lives.

 

If you feel in your gut something is false with this guy, then you may be right. However since you're emotional. This is not a good time to make any decisions. So calm down and go to a therapist.

And also I think it's weird the guy says you gave him H, instead of being hurt and shocked and upset, he fucking wants to do Anal? What the f. Is wrong with this guy. To me that's some shady stuff, Red flag! For now stay away from him until you calm down.

 

Good luck.

 

[808_888]

This man's behavior is toxic and would have surfaced eventually even if herpes wasn't a factor. It's a blessing you discovered how immature and manipulative he is now, before you became more entangled. He's not the one. Herpes sucks, but it seems to have served you in this situation.

I'm sorry about the death of your friend. And the herpes.

[AJoy]

This guy is not only toxic but emotionally abusive. I'm sorry about your friend and your diagnosis. You were as honest as you could be with your ex. Rest in that. YOu don't owe him anything.

[Katidid]

I'm sorry, but he sounds like a total jerk!!! You were completely honest with him from the get go. I'd block his calls and move on. You will find happiness with someone who cares about you and won't find H a big deal at all. You don't continuously trash someone verbally then recant, say you're sorry and keep doing it. Doesn't sound like he will ever move on from the blame game!!!

[MMissouri]

I agree with the other posters. Get away from him. He's abusive and just reading your post made me think this could blow up and become something even worse.