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Just needed to share my story!

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hi there.


I'm about three weeks into my diagnosis. I wanted to share what's going on with me, and how I'm dealing with this new status. A little about me: I'm 27, female, college educated w a good job and a nice family (and yes, I'm an extremely lucky person and I know it). I've never been that successful in the guy department and am one of those girls- the ones who are unsure of themselves in the dating department and are bad at it.


A few weeks ago, I was trying to get my health game together. I hadn't been very conscientious about getting tested, birth control, or even managing little illnesses. I had resolved to go and get my health on lock the same week I began to experience some real discomfort. Right around my right butt cheek. I had some pinching as I was peeing, and my lymph nodes were swollen. I began to fear the worst- in my idea, the worst was genital warts. It didn't cross my mind until later that this might be herpes.


When I went to get tested, I cried as the doctor swabbed me. She was so sympathetic and immediately offered to put me on antivirals without confirming it was herpes. I knew at that moment it probably was what I was worried about. I was going through what was one of the worst professional days of my life, already crying (hey, big surprise, stress and upset bringing on an OB) when I got the email. There it was- I was positive HSV2 on a genital swab.


I had already told three of my closest friends that I was concerned, and this burden was just too much on my own. As soon as I could, I told them. This. was. crucial. While on the one hand, it's embarrassing (when you are thinking about it the wrong way) and you know that every person fears this happening to them so much, so you're kinda freaking them out, too. On the other hand, everyone was nice! And seeing that it could happen to a regular ol' gal like me (I've never even had an official boyfriend, just occasionally dated and slept with a few guys when I felt like it) and researching together made us realize that the big, scary thing is the STIGMA, not the disease.


I told both my sisters. And then, I did something I never thought I'd have the strength to do- I called my mom and told her. She was the absolute diamond in the whole bunch. She said "of course, you're a young woman who is unmarried and dating people.. it's ok! It's just a skin thing, and it's gonna be ok. You're gonna get to do all the things you want to do!"


After a day of crying and being woeful, I went back to work and functioned like a normal person. I've had some crying jags here and there, but I'm determined to not let this get to me. Here's what I'm learning, what's hard, and what's not.


The basics

-OK, so I'm uncomfortable. It's itchy. I have no idea if this is just normal human itch or OB itch. It's confusing. I'm asking to go on a second round of the three a day Acyclovir, and then down to the two for suppressive (my doctor seems to be hesitant). There's like, a little red skin pattern that looks like a rash on my mons pubis, but I have no fucking clue of that is just old razor burn or what!

-I... love.. coffee. I'm worried I can't have it anymore. I just drank my second cup and immediately began to feel tingles. I think ONE cup a day will have to be my limit (bye afternoon iced coffee! I'll miss you!!).

-I am trying to figure out vitamins + food. I bought a bunch of vitamins but I dont know if I bought the right ones. I am a big time veggie eater but I think I could still be healthier. I've read sugar and wheat are huge triggers, as are my beloved blue berries (due to their high lysine) which SUCKS. I'm going to make a concerted effort to reduce my alcohol intake and go nuts on vitamins while eating as clean as possible, especially as I'm so uncomfortable right now.


Friends, family + dating

-So, outside of my initial super tight girlfriends and family, I havent told anyone. And I don't think I am going to for a while. My very best friend is a boy, and.. I don't know. I just don't want to put this on him. We can talk about anything, but I don't want him worrying about my health. Same goes with my dad and my brother. I just feel like if I can't explain to them everything about having sex, and childbirth, and what it does to my genitals, I can't express to them that I am going to be ok.

-Oh that's right-- I've told one other person. The guy who I suspect gave it to me. Since I was last tested (it had been a while) I've slept with 5 guys- three I casually dated, one I met at a concert, and one who was the love of my life (but a truly, truly, terrible person). As the narcissist that he is, he was completely concerned with himself for the initial conversation. He then left me a blackout drunk voicemail a few days later. He implied I gave it to him, and then said "I miss you" and hung up the phone. The biggest and best part of this diagnosis? This person who has sworn up and down that he loves me couldn't care less about my physical, emotional, or mental health. Did it hurt? Yes. Was I finally set free from his utter BS?

Absolutely. The stark contrast of the reactions from people who love me vs the reactions from this person was relevatory.

The other guys... I'm still torn on whether to disclose. From everything I've read, if you don't know, then blood tests can come back negative. It's like, why would I even tell? it might not come back.


-This dude ^^ has wrecked my self esteem and made me question everything about myself. Before I got this diagnosis, my confidence was in the gutter. I already believed deeply that I was going to be alone forever. I'm taking this fall and winter off to get some therapy and focus on myself. If I meet someone naturally, I think I'll consider it- but I'm not going to do the app thing or the positive singles thing until I'm more secure w myself. I'm still really, really nervous about disclosing and dating. I don't know what is gonna happen. I do know that I'm not gonna have casual sex with guys that aren't really into me anymore, and that too is a relief.


My mindset

-Like I said, I don't know what is gonna happen to me. Then again, no one does. Really crappy stuff can happen to people- they can lose their legs, they can get cancer at a young age, their houses can burn down. There are people that still smile and laugh after that. You don't get to have a big, juicy life without some curveballs. I'm still nervous! But I have a crew, and a lot of stuff I want to do. That includes having kids. That includes getting married (I am more concerned with meeting a cool, smart person first, which seems hard enough!).

-I've seen a lot of anger here. I've seen a lot of people who hate that medication reminds them of the person they shouldnt have trusted, and that pills are annoying. I can see some of that. But there's always a way to control your emotions. The time is gonna pass, you can sit around and have an angry, depressed life, or you can take control and figure out how to solve it (by the way, sometimes people get it from WONDERFUL human beings. It isn't about who you trusted, it's about this is just a virus that's really good at being a virus. It doesn't pick because of morals or decision-making. Maybe I got it from this guy that I really loved against my better judgment, but I'm not mad at him or myself about it).


K that was really long, but I just wanted to dump it all at once. Thanks for reading!

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Dump away! It's rare to read such an upbeat post from someone that was recently diagnosed. Love it when I do :)


You're on the right path and you have a support group also. I have a feeling you're going to do fabulous regardless of your status.


A few things I wanted to comment on: The itching, very common. Drove me crazy in the beginning. Now I think itching is the only symptom I have. It'll happen for a day and then it'll pass. (Thankfully!)


The coffee/diet: Since this is your first outbreak it's probably going to be your worst. The diet modification is usually for those that seem to have triggers. Not everyone does. I admire your jumping right in, but why limit yourself if you don't have to? I LOVE coffee, probably drink enough on a daily basis to cover the forums intake lol. AND I LOVE chocolate. Eat more than my fair share of that too. It's never bothered me. Blueberries? I have them in my protein shakes. No issues. So if you want to get healthy and drop all that stuff just because- go for it. But if you are thinking you have to because you now have herpes- not true. (Just wanted to clarify that, it takes a little from us when we get that positive result, and it makes me a little sad that people automatically think they have to drop all the things they enjoy)


Welcome to the forum :)

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  • 1 month later...

Wow reading your post made me feel so much better. We seem very similar I'm 26 educated,good job, family. But I wish I could be as positive as you sometimes I am and then other days jam in complete depression. I haven't told anyone but the giver not one friend nothing! I'm scared ppl will think I'm gross like not even want to use the same bathroom or silly shit like that. I just don't want to be stigmatized. I almost told one of my best friends because she said one day "everyone has herpes" so maybe she's open minded idk. But where I have really struggled is with not being able to have casual sex. Yes that's obviously a problem before,I literally felt like I had a sex addiction at some point. It's sad bc casual sex has not worked to my benefit haven't found love or a bf I desperately want but I just like and need sex often. I couldn't obstain for long so I had sex with a guy I've had multiple sexual encounters with (always protected). I did not disclose to him my recent status because I was scared he would think i gave him the virus even if i didn't ugh I know I have to tell Him soon but I just hope he takes it well. Anyway even tho I changed my diet and got vitamins after I had sex with him one night we. Sent a little crazy (rough sex and he is huge) I got my 2nd outbreak ! I feel so depressed now like how will I ever have a vibrant sex life even with a life long partner when we can only go so far ugh! I know your new with this Bro but I feel I could talk to you and maybe you could offer some advice ! Good lyck



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