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First outbreak of HSV 2: what is normal? best NYC support?

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Hi all,


It's been 2 days since I heard the words "you have herpes." I got it from a friend I've had for years. We went to business school together and had been flirting for the past few years. I'm gearing up to have a very serious "hey, you gave me herpes" talk with him very soon, but first I need to get some perspective.


It doesn't help that my OBGYN kind of shrugged off this diagnosis. She gave me the meds and didn't judge, but kind of shoved me out the door with no follow-up…I had to call HER when my head stopped spinning to get the official results of the swab test and to talk through additional plans.


Here's what I'm going through (physically), and I'd welcome thoughts from veterans. (GRAPHIC DETAILS ALERT)


I had one lesion I could see on my perineum, but apparently there are just a few other lesions in my vagina that I can't see, but my OBGYN could when she (very painfully) used clamps to take a closer look. I've been talking Advil and the generic of Valtrax for the past 2.5 days and am overall feeling much less discomfort, though I woke up at 5am with some discomfort, and noticed that the ulcers I cannot see are bleeding. They've now just been steadily bleeding for at least the past 7-8 hours. Is this normal? I know Advil thins the blood, so maybe they're not clotting properly?


Called my OBGYN and she essentially says "hmmm, that could be normal. continue with the prescribed medication and we'll come up with a long term plan". (OK thanks…that's not helpful).


Next, I'm a 30 year old female in Manhattan who (much like you all) never thought this would happen to me. I'm very fit and healthy, and generally considered to be a catch. I feel really changed after this. Like I want to spend my 30s only having meaningful relationships and ejecting anyone that isn't kind or positive out of my life. Thinking of ways to help fight the stigma against the H.


Thanks for reading my ramblings. Would love any insights from your experience, or resources available in NYC.

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How soon after your encounter did you notice symptoms? Was it protected sex? I'm just curtious. I've had H since age 23 and am now 58 also in very good shape (weight train daily) also considered a catch. Married 21 yrs to a man so is H-. He didn't make a big deal out of it when I told him and I didn't either. You can still have a great life!!!

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When I first was diagnosed I actually had a lesion inside as well. It was so painful!!! That was my first ob and I remember it lasting about 6 weeks. I guess it lasted so long because it was inside. So, my giver was also someone I really cared about and we are good friends to this day. He did not tell me he had it and remember.....it was a very long time ago so hardly any info and Dr's basically knew nothing about it. He obviously had an active ob and told me he thought he had an infection (when I inquired as to why he was wearing a condom that night...we never had prior to that night) so I believed him. Well, the condom came off during intercorse (I had to fish it out of me).....then about a week later, there it was......the big H. All they had back then was acyclovir cream. That was it!


My ob's became less and less over time. About 5 per year was the max. I never had prodrome, it would just show up over night. My first disclosure was accepted as was the next one to whom I am married to. I have to admit that because the Dr's never really said much about it back then, I assumed it was ok to have sex as long as I had no ob. So, I did have a few sexual encounters without disclosure prior to learning about shedding, etc. I never passed it on as far as I know. I lived in a small town and saw my encounters all the time and no one ever mentioned it.


I started anti viral this year to take my ob's to zero and have not had an ob since starting them in March. My husband chose to use condoms for intercorse and we used nothing for oral. He has stage 4 cancer now as well as many other health issues so we can't even have sex anymore which is a serious downer, but we were very active sexually for 20 years without him ever contracting H. So, that is definitely proof condoms do work!!!


Hang in there and we will all help as much as possible to get you to a comfortable place.



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Hello and well doesn't your story sound familiar! I too got H from a friend with long time flirtation (and had only recently become single from my first sexual partner woot). Also, I live in Manhattan as well! I haven't found great NYC resources really, but these boards helped me through the toughest time, which was the first 6 months (currently at about 1 year 4 months)


I had a tough time controlling my H, so I was (and still am)on a gram of valacyclovir a day. Depending on your situation, it may mentally just help you to not only finish your prescribed outbreak dosage, but talk to your doctor about getting on suppression. And if she tries to talk you out of it..well, I have a great OBGYN to recommend to you.


Overall, all doctors kind of react similarly to how yours did - sort of like "eh it's not a big deal." Because it's not. So many things can actually kill you, herpes can't. But they forget how mentally exhausting it is.


As for your friend, not a fun conversation, I can tell you. My giver was crushed; he felt like he was just this awful person that didn't know he had herpes. But the truth is that we as women tend to be more in tune with our bodies, so when we first get H our first inclination is to figure it the eff out bugling to a doctor. Your friend may never have had any symptoms, or sometimes got "jock itch" etc. if he knew and didn't tell you, that's of course a different story!


if you want a laugh (and hey it might be too soon for you), I think this Dane cook sketch is pretty good (how a guy can rationalize anything to make it not herpes) and it sure helped me:https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=YxMIr4J3dv0

Amy Schumer also had a great sketch with herpes (where she tries to make a deal with god to not have herpes, but everything she'd have to give up isn't worth the tradeoff)

While most herpes humor isn't funny, I think both of these give a good sense of perspective!


Best of luck lady.



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NYC is the Big-Herpple


1/4 people have it in NYC, so you definitely aren't alone and if you were doing casual sex, especially without a condom, there's a good chance you came into contact with it before.


It's just a fact of life for anyone who likes to party in NYC.


Also, it's usually the most attractive people who STDs like herpes because they are so confident and are also getting hit up for sex a lot.


It really just becomes a minor adjustment when compared to all the other stuff that anyone who is living NYC have to deal with.


If you are worried about disclosing and casual sex, then fret not. Go read my Ladies' Man Disclsoure Successs thread to get a sense of how possible it is to continue having fun even while disliking herpes. Also, I know several people who have herpes from NYC and they are doing fine there. That's probably one of the best places to have herpes.

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